(Closed) Future MIL keeps asking to put people from his family in the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I put the kabash on crap like this from the get-go. Within a week of our engagement, I had told Future Mother-In-Law that we were not having a wedding party (the only exception was my cousin, our ringbearer). Our excuse was wanting to keep it small/being a bridesmaid would be too expensive and stressful for everyone. She had to be told 3 times (the last time asking Fiance what was ‘wrong’ behind my back).

Honestly, now might be the time for some fast-track backing out. Would you be willing to drop the wedding party? Having someone who’s pushy about getting EVERYONE involved and making sure that NO feelings are hurt is just going to drown you. At least you can make it ‘fair’ by not including anyone. 

Not having a wedding party is one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. It took a lot of stress off of the wedding (at the end of the day, the officiant can always carry the rings, and the bride can just set her bouquet off to the side). But I realize this doesn’t work for every wedding.

I had to pester Future Mother-In-Law for addresses, and then I eventually told Fiance to do it. His mom, his family – his mom moved much faster for him than she ever did for me, too!

It sounds like your Mother-In-Law needs some firm boundaries, though (is your Fiance backing you up on this?). With someone who wants places for everyone, and is going to fret about it, it might be easier to forego the whole thing.

Or, at least, stick to your guns and as a united front with your Fiance, tell her the wedding’s complete and it won’t be changing. Thanks. She may get hurt, she may pout – but as I’m learning during this process, you can’t make everyone happy at the expense of yourself.

Post # 4
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Megnolia:  Not from FI’s mom (since she’s overseas) but from my own mom. I had to practice saying “no” early. It’s a lot easier now. I joke (but I’m totally serious) by telling my mom that we’re going to plan a vow renewal for my mom and dad for their 30 yr anniversary. She simply wants to make choices for every single detail.

“Use your step brother as an usher…tie something to the chairs to stop people from walking down the aisle to their seats…can your bridesmaid sing? she has a beautiful voice…demand to have your tasting earlier to include more detail on your invitations” 

I wish people would realize that it’s YOU and YOUR FI’S day and it’s NOT about anyone else.

Post # 5
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I didn’t even read your entire post and I had an answer for you. Your Mother-in-law has already had her wedding day already. This is your big day and it should be filled with people that you and your fiance want involved. I would politely tell her to back off and that the only persons feelings that are being hurt here are yours.

I’ve had a similar situations where my future father-in-law wanted some of his family invited to the wedding…6 ppl to be exact. My Man never talks to them and I have never even met them. We put our foot down and said no. We expressed that having a small wedding was important to us and that our day consists of people who we love and care about and that have been there for us as a couple. They didn’t like that but it’s not their day it’s ours.

Post # 6
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@Megnolia:  I think it’ll be tough to tell her what she needs to hear. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding day and you deserve to be happy. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice the wedding of your dreams for her happiness.

She’s definitely being way too demanding. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for putting your foot down.

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