(Closed) Future MIL-rant

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

It would be one thing if you were both spending the holidays with your respective families, but the fact that your fiance would leave you alone is a bigger problem than his mother. 

 

Post # 17
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
kerelette :  

I think there’s a really big red flag here and you’re ignoring it. Why are wives and girlfriends family? Your man needs to make it clear what you want and make sure that you’re treated appropriately. This sounds like your mother-in-law is going to be doing this to you for the rest of your life. It would be awful if she continue to do this when you’re married. Your man needs to stop this now.

This is very easily fixed. Your man needs to say that your coming or he isnt. It’s unacceptable that he abandons you at Xmas when it clearly bothers you.

Post # 18
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
araebo5585 :  

You really think it’s acceptable to leave people alone on Christmas? I mean that’s like Scrooge and the Grinch status.

Post # 19
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

And your Fiance is ok with this?? Sounds like he needs to grow a pair and stand up to his mother. 

Post # 20
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is slightly different, but I’ve been with my Fiance for 8 years. For at least the first half of the relationship, I wasn’t invited to holidays either. It was later explained to me that during a rather long rocky period in the relationship, his family was reluctant to have me over since they didn’t want what they believed to be a future ex in their family pictures. Harsh? Yes. Understandable? Depends who you ask, but I can sympathize with it.

Our relationship smoothed out and my then BF put his foot down about holidays and family vacations. He felt that if I wasn’t invited, he wouldn’t be there. That made it a lot more simple for them, and I spent multiple holidays with them before we even got engaged. Now that we’re engaged, it’s not even a question that I’m invited since I’m part of the family. There are no hard feelings – it was a rocky period and I don’t blame them for feeling the way they did.

Do you have reason to believe that Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t believe that the wedding will actually occur? That’s the only reason I could think of that would motivate her to exclude you. And as PP said, Fiance not sticking up for you is also at fault.

Post # 21
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

While I do think it’s wrong for your Fiance to not stand up for you, I hardly think PPs are correct in saying it’s not still a Future Mother-In-Law issue. It definitely is both. Don’t cause problems where there don’t need to be any.

Post # 22
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Wow….

If my partners folks excluded me from family events such as this and he went without me…especially Christmas resultin in me being alone like that he wouldnt be marryin me, no way…..this is a Fi probem, not a Fmil problem; when you become partners that’s it, your a unit and if one is invited, both go or niether do; he’s ok with leaving you alone at Christmas thats a problem that needs solving before you get married Imo speak to him first 

Hope your not alone at Christmas 

Post # 23
Member
8 posts
Newbee

She sounds really jealous .. 

Post # 24
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

The problem is with your FI- he’s being just as much of a jerk as his mom is, if not more. He’s the one who is leaving you alone and not standing up for you. This isn’t going to change after you’re married. You may get invited to Christmas, but he’ll still always side with his mom over you. He needs to tell his mom that you are a unit now and that he isn’t going to go without you.

Post # 25
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Maybe I am old fashioned but I find it rude for a partner to leave his/her partner (especially is he/she is his/her fiance/fiancee) alone during important holidays. It just tells me that he/she doesn’t really care for his/her partner. So, I would seriously ask you to reconsider marrying someone who can easily leave you alone on Christmas day -will he do the same once you are married?

As many others, I also find it weird for his mother not to invite you now that you are his fiancee (I understand girlfriend, but not fiancee status). If he is traveling out of state I do think you might have to face the fact that maybe is your fiance who doesn’t want you there with him. 

I have a friend who has a girl back home who he has a crush on and a group of friends who he likes to go to tables/drinking when he visits them. Because of this, he has never invited his current fiancee (previously girlfriend) to spend the holidays with him. 

 

Post # 26
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Wow you’ve lived with him for 2 years and he leaves you alone every Christmas? ? Ya no. You have a Fiance problem- not his mother. I would have left him

Post # 27
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is more of a Fiance problem than a Mother-In-Law problem (it’s actually only a Mother-In-Law problem if you have proof that this is actually a rule of hers, not just something your Fiance told you). Do you and your Fiance ever discuss the absurdity of this, or do neither of you say anything and just accept it? I’m concerned he thinks this behavior and attitude is normal, when it is not. Are you positive it is his mother that feels this way and not just him, and he’s using her as an excuse? 

Frankly you should’ve spoken to your Fiance about this a good while ago. I would never allow my family to treat my SO, someone I love deeply and care about, in such a way. It’s concerning that your Fiance allows this and I think it says a lot about him as a person and is very suspicious. He certainly wouldn’t be marrying me.

Post # 28
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

The Duchess of Cambridge was not invited to Christmas with the Queen until she was married to Prince William. Even when they were engaged she was not invited and William went without her.

It’s an extreme example- but it is a family tradition and the Queen is a stickler for tradition. You’re not alone.

Post # 29
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry I’m not trying to be rude, but you continue dating someone who would not stand up for you. My hubby (then boyfriend) spent Christmas and New Years with us 5 months into us dating. Had my family not allowed it I would have stood up for him and said something, just the way I would expect him to do for me.

Post # 30
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
AllAboutThatBass :  There are a lot of traditions and customs the royal family has to uphold for appearance sake. Prince William didn’t really have much of a choice on that one. (I’d also like to point out that it was a bit of scandal that William was even with Kate, as she was considered a “commoner” and royals just didn’t marry commoners). 

Before I go on a tangent since we seem to be off topic: OP’s Fiance is not being held accountable by the government and the sovereign of an entire country. 

The topic ‘Future MIL-rant’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors