(Closed) Future MIL ruined the planning for me..

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

That really sucks.  I never understand why family can’t just be excited.  It’s natural to be curious and to ask questions and even voice opinions, but you should never, EVER call someone’s ideas cheap.  That’s way out of line on your FMIL’s part, and it sounds like she’s having some boundary issues.

But you shouldn’t let your Future Mother-In-Law dictate your wedding.  You should absolutely do everything and only anything you and your fiance want.  This sounds like a catalyst moment to me in forcing her to set boundaries with your relationship.  I would stop mentioning wedding things to her and change the subject whenever she tries to bring it up.  She will hopefully move past it if you give her time to adjust.

Don’t be too hard on your Fiance, though.  I’m sure he does side with you; he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and he did get upset at his mother’s initial outburst.  But it can be really hard to move into that full-adulthood relationship with a parent and to go against the wishes of someone that you sought for direction and advice your whole life until this point.

Post # 4
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tigerlily85:  that is a really rough situation…I would say that weddings can be cheap and doable! Many of my favorite weddings were the ones with intimate touches that were made via DIY. His mother seems very distressed over something (whether it being her son finally getting married or her trying to live her dreams through you). Tell your Fiance that he doesn’t need to get in the middle but he does need to help you decide what to do. Best you can do if make a date to see you Future Mother-In-Law and discuss the wedding so that she can get he ideas out. Then you can either take some of her ideas or reject them all (at least you listened). 

I hope things work out dear but remember it is YOUR wedding and choices can only be made by you and your Fiance

Post # 5
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@tigerlily85:  Screw her. She’s had her wedding and did it the way she wanted. Now it’s your turn to do it the way you want. If she wants to do something different, she can throw her own vow renewal or anniversary party, where she’s free to do whatever she wants.

Repeat this over and over to Fiance until he gets onside (you are 100% right, he should be siding with you). Then if it comes up again, the two of you (preferably him) say the above (minus my first sentence!) to his mother.

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