Post # 16
My thoughts as well.
If she’s this pushy with you about gaining access to your space, what’s to stop her from trying to get the key from Grandma once she figures out no means no with you? Are you positive Grandma would respect your wishes still, when Future Mother-In-Law starts asking her?
Post # 17
Why is she asking you about this instead of your boyfriend? Regardless, you’re right, she doesn’t need one. How far away do they live?
Post # 18
I’d be worried about her “borrowing” the copy of the key at grandma’s to make a copy of it, so make sure you talk to grandma about this.
Post # 19
Bf is busy a lot, so she sees me more often. At our place, we will be about 40 minutes away
Post # 20
Definitely not. Only person i’m giving an extra key to is my sister; and thats so she can let our puppy out
Post # 21
I also wouldn’t give grandma a copy. She will likely copy it.
Post # 22
Her entitlement is crazy. I’m actually kind of appalled that she’s pressing the issue. Like, WHY?
Stand your ground.
At this point, I wouldn’t give grandma a key either because without a doubt, Mother-In-Law will make herself a copy from grams key. Just keep that in mind.
Post # 23
I agree with bees who think this is likely a power struggle over a route to invade your space. But that’s because that’s what it is with my Mother-In-Law: she never uses it if she isn’t invited over, but it still bothers me that she let’s herself in rather than knocks when invited over. It’s not like we can/do do that when we go to hers.
My advice is to ignore her requests. 1. Because while my mil doesn’t abuse it.. yours might. 2. Once she gets one it’s very difficult to undo until/unless she does something to deserve “punishment”. Flip side is of course, maybe you don’t care if she doesn’t abuse it.. I dunno.
I personally very much regret not putting my foot down with Mother-In-Law in general, the key thing is just one of so many things that now, two years in to the marriage, we now have to undo. It’s harder to take back ground than refuse to give it up in the first place. As time goes by the urge to let things go just to keep the peace definitely dies, just saying.
Post # 24
Uh no. You’re not even married yet! No no no no no
Post # 25
I’m petty, but I’d make her random key that opens nothing.
Post # 26
omg, this is awesome! With them being 40 minutes away, it’s highly unlikely she would ever need the key for a true emergency, so she would only find out it didn’t work if she tried to use it inappropriately. And what is she going to do then, call them up and say “hey, I know you’re out of town on vacation, but I wanted to let you know that when I went over to snoop, this key wouldn’t let me in!!!” That’s hilarious.
Post # 27
Daisy_Mae : Shoot4theMoon :
yes, I like this verrrry much. It would totally bust her if she has entitlement issues and is planning to help herself to your home, OP!
Post # 28
Nope, not OK. My in-laws (parents and sister in law) had keys to our house and used to come over and let themselves in before I moved in because my husband bought our home before we met. They were used to coming right in, moving things around to decorate, etc. After I moved in, I had to establish the boundaries and expectations of knocking first and not moving things around, and when we changed the lock on the front door because the old one was getting iffy we didn’t give the new key to others. In case of an absolute emergency they know where we hide a spare, but they respect the need to knock first or ring the door bell unless we have texted them ahead of time to say that the front door is open and they are welcome to come right in when a visit is planned.
If your boyfriends mom is being pushy about this, stand your ground and do not budge in order to establish boundaries and and expectation of respect for your space. I agree with PP that she may well welcome herself to make a copy of his grandmother’s key- be proactive about heading that shit off.
Post # 29
there is a very easy way to un-do that.
Change the locks 😊
Darling Husband owned our current house before I was in the picture. Mother-In-Law had a key. Once she decided to turn into a boundary stomping asshole, I had Darling Husband change the locks. So, so simple! Now she can’t get into my living room to sit on my spot on the couch and drink my beer.