Post # 1
Just wanted to know how your relationship is with your Future Mother-In-Law. Do you have a mother-daughter bond? or not close at all?
FH and his mom talked the other day. FH told me that his mom feels that I don’t like her. Future Mother-In-Law and I haven’t talked that much and so we haven’t been able to establish a good/close FMIL-daughter in law relationship. I like his mom and would like to get to know her better. I am a shy/quiet person…and I guess sometimes that comes off as “I don’t like you.” Help! I want to make a good impression on Future Mother-In-Law and be able to have a good relationship with her!
Post # 3
Hi Vannebean…another shy/quiet girl here, so I know exactly how you feel.
I love my Father-In-Law, and I know they love me…but I get very insecure sometimes and feel they think I’m not a nice person because I don’t “engage”. But I’m really not that type of person with anyone really…I am only really relaxed with my family and my Fiance.
My Fiance has never told me that his family has said that they feel I don’t like them though, so you might be putting out some bad vibes that are not just attributed to your quietness.
Post # 4
I have a wonderful relationship with my FMIL; however, Fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years so there has been a lot of time for our relationship to build!
How long have you and your Fiance been together?
Do you live close? Can you go out for a dinner and a girly movie night? That is how I first really bonded with my FMIL!!!!
Post # 5
@ luli29- Yes! I feel insecure too at times because I usually don’t “engage.” I’m the type who likes to listen. Maybe I should make more of an effort to engage…
@Mrs.Martin- My Fiance and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. Going out for dinner with Future Mother-In-Law sounds great, but we live 2 hours away. Fiance and I only see each other (and our families) about twice a month since I work every other weekend. It’s tough to just have that quality time with Future Mother-In-Law.
thanks for your input on this.
Post # 6
@Future Mrs. Martin – I don’t really think it has to do with length of time
I’ve been with my Fiance for 7.5 years now, and have known his family for that amount of time. At one point I lived in their house, but am no longer there.
Despite this all, I’m not 100% comfortable with them. I am just really quiet and shy. They are very loud and engaging as a family overall, and this makes me uncomfortable…it is exhausting to be around and makes me anxious.
I believe there are just people like me and that we won’t change…people are different. But I know I’m a really nice person and have never had a real issue with anyone, so its ok. I just hope people understand and doing misconstrue quietness and conceitedness
Post # 7
We have what I would consider a good relationship, but you probably will never catch us going shopping for clothes or anything like that together, lol.
Post # 8
We don’t really have anything in common. We’ve been together going on 7 years and I don’t see much changing.
Post # 9
Future Mother-In-Law is super screwy. She emotionally manipulates FH and tries to guilt trip us all the time. We think she’s got some kind of disorder…and she’s a THERAPIST! Seriously, when we met I was 20 years old and she asked what my high school extracurricular activities were.
However, face to face we’ve got a pretty ok relationship. She says stuff to Fiance behind my back that she thinks won’t get back to me because she’s afraid to say it to my face. For example, I told her when we were planning to come visit for Christmas and she was thrilled! Then she told Fiance not to tell me, but that she’s really disappointed that we won’t be staying longer…really? You think he’s not going to tell me??? Ugh. She’s really sweet, I just don’t put up with her manipulations very well.
Post # 10
I have a great relationship with my FIL’s as well. They are a ton of fun but just like with anyone else…after a few hours, I’m done. Time to go home.
Post # 11
Deep down, I truly love and respect my Mother-In-Law, but the relationship started off rocky.
When my husband and I started dating, we moved pretty fast, I guess. Only after a few months, he moved six hours away from his hometown to be with me, and his mom had a really hard time with it because he’s the baby of three kids (and sadly, the only nornal sibling, so she’s extra attached to him). When she would come visit us, she criticized everything, saying things like, “Well, back home that’s not how we did it,” and stuff. It really bothered me, and since my husband was so used to her behavior, he didn’t notice it, and I seriously thought it might put a huge damper on our relationship. Over time, I just learned to tolerate, but never warmed to her for that reason. But my husband started to notice it, and it got on his nerves too. He explained that it was hard for her because she was SO attached to him and couldn’t accept the fact that he was grown up and living his own life.
Over time, it’s gotten a lot better. My Mother-In-Law fully respects us and our relationship and doesn’t make the snide comments anymore. She says that she thinks of me as her daughter, and is really happy her son found me. She’s still very difficult to get along with, mostly because she’s grown up in a very small town, and sadly, doesn’t have a lot of friends, so she’s very particular, kind of like a 90-year-woman. When things don’t go her way, she’s visibly upset and often lacks a lot of social skills to handle certain situations. But usually, once we get some alcohol in her, she’s much better 🙂 I make her sound really bad, and it’s not. It gets better every year we get her out of her shell. I like that I get to help her do that along side my husband.
Relationships with MIL’s are so complicated no matter what. I think it’s all about accepting that people are a certain way, and finding a way to get along despite that.
Post # 12
I have a suggestion that might work– send Future Mother-In-Law an e-mail. Chat it up and then say you want to do something special for Fiance for Christmas and you were hoping she might have some ideas. My Future Mother-In-Law lives two states away, but we have managed to get to know each other through e-mail in addition to the few times we have seen each other in person. I often involve her in wedding stuff this way. It’s easier for me who, like you, is an introvert! Much easier than calling her up!
Post # 13
I don’t have a good relationship with my Mother-In-Law. I socially get along with her, and I try to include her when I can. Bottom line is I don’t agree with the way she lives, and how she treats people and her decisions in life. There’s a lot of past hurt and pain she’s caused my Husband and so that makes things a little hard.
I try to be respectful of her opinions and what she says, but mostly it’s a smile and nod and hope I don’t have to see her too often. It’s sad but she winds up hurting my husband and I get upset cause I really want to protect him from that.
She’s not all bad, sometimes she tries when its convienent to her, so I just roll with it and try not to rock the boat when she’s around.
Post # 14
I adore my Mother-In-Law, she’s the greatest! I actually *gasp* choose to spend time with her when I could be doing other things.
My own mother lives over 3 hours away so I like having a “mom figure” that I can bond with.
Post # 15
i have a really good relationship with Future Mother-In-Law. my mom is half-way across the country, and i think Future Mother-In-Law realizes this is hard for me. she pretty much mothers me. i love it!
Post # 16
My Mother-In-Law and I are not close. We have nothing in common and I am just not comfortable being around her. The feelings I have for her are as though she is a mere acquaintence or a nice lady I work with. I don’t love her like my own mom. Before we got married, I only met her a handful of times. Also no effort has been made by either of us to get to know each other better. She has never invited me to lunch, shopping, or anything. Although she complains to everyone else, except hubby and I that we aren’t closer. She is also supper passive aggressive. I know I can invite her, but I don’t really feel the want or need to get to know her better. Also, my hubby does not care if I become close to his family either.