(Closed) future mother in-law

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Bee
11808 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

We definitely get along, but I don’t feel a mother/daughter type bond with her.  Then again, I’m not a super “bondy” kind of person, and honestly I think it’s kind of rare for a person to have that type of bond with someone who didn’t raise you.  I am super lucky that my in laws are cool, though. 

Post # 18
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have a great relationship with my future mother in law!  She’s great, and the love is mutual!  I agree with a previous post.  email her!  It’s such an easy, quick way to keep in touch, and it can only bring you guys closer. 

Post # 19
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@mouse: i cannot agree more.  ain’t nobody takin the place of my mamma!  😉

Post # 20
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

When the Fiance and I started dating, his family and I had a GREAT relationship (maybe save for his sister, but that’s another story for another day). As our relationship progressed over the years, the problems began. His parents are since divorced (as are mine, incidentally) for a variety of reasons, and they’ve both since remarried. In the course of the divorce, a lot of hurtful things were said about a lot of people, myself included. My Fiance took the brunt of the stress, though, as he’s the oldest of three and the most resillient. He’s taken a lot of grief from them that I really don’t agree with, and it’s definitely caused a strain in our relationship. For what it’s worth, we’ve been together about 5 1/2 years.

With my Future Mother-In-Law specifically, I’m not very comfortable. I feel like I can never trust what she says at face value, and know there’s discussion behind my back. It’s upsetting for the Fiance, since he’s convinced I hate his family, but for me, there’s just too much damage there to be hunky-dory.

Did anyone else’s relationship change with their inlaws over the course of their relationship?

Post # 21
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i’m shy and quiet too… but luckily my fmil isn’t! we’re both very artsy so i think we have a good connection over that. plus i had an in with her right away because i’m jewish! the first time i met them they gave me a huge hug right away, they were sooo welcoming and i just fell in love with his family. when i’m not having a good day and we go to their house for dinner i always feel better, which is weird for me because i’m just not a people person. i’m really lucky to marry into his family!

i know where you’re coming from though, i give that vibe out too, not meaning too of course but it happens when you’re shy. for me i think you just have to give it time. it takes time to open up people and be yourself.

Post # 22
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I really like and get along pretty well with the Future Mother-In-Law. Both my BF’s parents are great in fact. I don’t know that I’d go as far as saying we have a mother-daughter bond, but she’s super and I enjoy spending time with her.

Post # 23
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i get along really, really well with my fmil. we live really close to her and ffil, so we see them usually at least once a week. they’re much more formal than my parents, and i can be very quiet and shy sometimes, so at first i felt a bit awkward with them but over the years it’s definitely gotten much more comfortable. last year, ffil had some really scary health stuff and fmil really relied on us–especially me, emotionally (fi was too scared to really be supportive of his mom aside from logistics). so since then, i’ve felt much closer to them. there have been some up and downs since then, but it’s just little misunderstandings, and always fi and fmil/ffil are doing the arguing, i’ve never been directly involved, fi speaks up for both of us. we had a really great talk right after we picked a date where i told her i wanted her to feel involved in the planning and that i valued her opinion (but of course that all final decisions are for me and fi to make). fmil has gone wedding dress shopping with me about half the time, and it’s really been great, both in terms of bonding, and it’s helpful to have her opinion! and she loves feeling involved!

Post # 24
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

we have such an awesome relationship!! shes the sweetest person ever, and im so lucky to have her for a mother in law! i couldnt have picked anyone any better. i talk to her on the phone and email to let her know news, we go shopping and all that. fiance moved back home til the wedding so i see his parents all weekend when i go down to visit and its not awkward at all. i love them. she can say they most unexpected things from a mom sometimes and always makes me laugh. he has such an amazing family, im so lucky!

Post # 25
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

we have a pretty good relationship…Fiance & I have been together over 5 1/2 years. I agree with Lillindy-I wouldn’t ever ask her to go shopping or to dinner by ourselves lol

Post # 26
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I love her to DEATH.  I call her my future mother-in-love b/c I really love her and she treats me liike and has told me that I’m her fifth child.  We’ll see what happens once the wedding planning begins……….haha

Post # 27
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

mine is heinous.  we aren’t speaking to her…

Post # 28
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a wonderful relationship with my Mother-In-Law but we camp at the same place they do almost every weekend of the summer.  We spend lots of time together and so I think thats why we have such a good relationship.  Fiance and I have been together for 5.5 years so I’ve known her for a long time and I think thats part of it.  Plus my Fiance is an only child and she owns a beauty salon so she loves having a “daughter” to get all the girly things for.

Post # 29
Member
33 posts
Newbee

girl is CRAZY.

A lil’ too nutty for my taste. Laughing

My mother’s relationship with her fmil (the most selfish grandma ever, hahaha) prepared me for the crazies though. Luckily, I can let most of her antics slide off my back like it ain’t no thang. My love knows she’s a lil’ off her rocker, so we don’t have any stress about it. She doesn’t intervene too much, just moments of self-victimization every now and then.

Post # 30
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I keep things on the up and up with my Future Mother-In-Law and care about her. She is a very strong female figure and raised a wonderful family so I have a lot of respect and admiration for her. But I wouldn’t say at this point that we have a mother-daughter relationship like I have with my mom.

Post # 31
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i am so lucky to have a great relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law.  she provides anything and everything she can for us; AND even is conscious of giving us our own space and time.

i definitely see her at least once a week and talk to her a couple of times a week. obvi, it’ll never be the relationship that i have with my own mother… but it’s the next best thing 🙂

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