Post # 1
I’m not sure how to explain my future mother in law other than “selfish”. Since the day I’ve met her we’ve clashed but I’ve tried getting past our differences for my fiance’s sake. Well now it’s gotten to the point that she’s not really making this day about me, but rather her and using the “I’m helping pay for it”.
Before tonight, the most recent example I can give is our food tasting. I had a wine that I really like and said I think that it was going to be one of the wines for our open bar. She said it was too sweet and we needed to have the wine she was drinking (which was SUPER dry). I know that not many people are going to drink a dry red other than with dinner….so I’m not going to choose that option but she’s upset that I’m not choosing the wine she prefers.
Then tonight I feel she crossed the line and I’m not sure how to address it as my fiance wants to stay out of it. I’ve been telling her from day one that my mom is looking for a tea length navy blue dress. My mom has bought multiple navy blue dresses that she’s still deciding about but regardless, knows she will be wearing a navy blue dress. Tonight my future mother in law emails me a picture of her dress…..which is a long navy blue dress, from the same website that my mom had bought her dresses from. My mom is upset because now she feels like she needs to start her search all over again, and I’m upset for my mom.
What can I say to help the situation/put my future mother in law in place, or do I just have to suck it up and help my mom find a new color???
Post # 3
@GetnHitched: who cares about the wine, if she’s upset about it she’ll get over it, I mean it’s just wine. If she brings it up she’s gonna look really petty. As for the dress, why can’t they wear the same color?? I don’t think my mom or fmil would care if they were wearing the same color.. It’s not the same dress
Post # 4
Is it that important to both of them to wear different colors? I feel like it would actually be kind of great for them to wear the same color.Also, are you certain your Future Mother-In-Law knew what dress your mom would be wearing? I don’t think you said.
Overall I would say my feeling is that she didn’t cross a line as you said you thought. It seems that she either didn’t know or she did and she feels the same way I did: their dresses being the same color could be a good thing AND she may have just been inspired by your mother’s style.
Post # 6
This. I’m sorry, I know how it can be stressful when you’re working on blending your families. However, this woman is going to be your family. I’m not sure if it makes sense to let either of these things bother you. I know it’s easier said than done, but this is what I do when I find something bothers me about my inlaws. I ask myself the following questions:
1) Would this bother me this much if my mother/father said the exact same thing?
2) Does this comment/action have a serious or long term negative impact on my family?
If the answer is “no,” I let it go. There are so many things that will need to be addressed that getting upset and overly offended with the little stuff is just not worth it. Get the wine you think most people would like. The moms will look great in the same color, so long as the dresses are different.
Congratulations and good luck!
Post # 7
I can understand how this is frustrating. I get the impression OP’s mom isn’t necessarily upset, but is concerned that Future Mother-In-Law will make waves that they’re wearing “the same color.” I’ve seen countless people pull that crap. They rain on someone else’s parade just to cause a furor, then act like it’s the other person’s fault. Still, I would stand my ground, wear the same dress, and if anything about it comes up at the wedding, smile and say, “Oh, what a coincidence,” and move on.
She’s pulling a little crap about the wine, but like you said, stand your ground. If your wedding weren’t so close, honestly, I’d advise you to return her money and just pay for it yourself. Difficult people always find a way, and as I’ve said many times before, the more money your relatives have on your wedding, the more likely it is that drama will start if they aren’t happy with your selections. But at this point, your option is to ride it out and stand firm.
Post # 8
My future mother-in-law bought a dress before my mom and before I even purchased my bridesmaids’ dresses. She rubbed it in our faces by showing us the pictures when she knew my mom was still picking out hers and I was still deciding on colors. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I know how it made my mom feel and how I angry I felt. In my case, it was intentional and she knew my mom was still looking for a dress. It came out later down the road (long story!) but I did end up telling her I thought it wasn’t right for her to get the dress before my mom.
Post # 9
ugh. I feel your pain. My future Mother-In-Law is crazy too. You’ve got to get your fiance to help out. Its his mother. I still struggle to deal with my Future Mother-In-Law but it helps that my fiance will call her when I’m not around or swing by her house without me to put her in her place.
Someone should let all the mothers of the grooms know about the saying “Shut up and Show up”