(Closed) Future Mother In Law advice ?!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

She is your Future Mother-In-Law and if the relationship is already a bit rocky, I would invite him and also his father’s wife.  Its OK to be really intimate and have very few people, but if someone is married, I wouldn’t break them up.  Even if you don’t see them a lot now, your FH’s step mother is also a Future Mother-In-Law to you.  

If you don’t invite them just accept that you may have permanently damaged your relationship with his parents.

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would just invite the boyfriend and your step mom. It would prevent any possible throwing of fits by your Future Mother-In-Law and that is the last thing you want to worry about on your wedding day.

Post # 5
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I agree with lefeymw.  It’s a little strange not to invite the spouse/SO of your FI’s mother and father.  I think you should make an exception for these two people.

Post # 6
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally agree with the pp. It you don’t have any personal reasons why you don’t invite the FMILs then I’d do it to avoid any future issues. Whether you talk to them very right now or not they’re not going anywhere and you never know when you might need to call on your dads wife or even your Fiance mother. I really wouldn’t burn bridges right away.

Post # 8
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think just because someone is OK with being left out (dad’s wife) doesnt mean the “approve” of it. It means they are trying to keep the peace most likely.  FH’s mom isnt willing to keep the peace and thinks this is more important.  Imagine how much gratitude they would have if you decided to include them now if she was accepted with not being included? You could have a great ally on your side.

You are asking important people in FH’s life (parents) to choose you and your FH over other important people in their lives (bf and wife).  

No, someone shouldn’t have to be cut out just for him, but I think I would really reconsider the venue. Or, why do you need two photographers for only 20 people? One would be more than adequate really 

Post # 9
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

What kind of venue is it? Is it a really small space that can only fit 20 people? I’d ask the venue to allow 22 people.

Post # 10
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t know any of your history but you are 2 years away.  No telling what could happen between now and then and heck, she may not have a Boyfriend or Best Friend when the time rolls around. 

Post # 11
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would definitely include the spouses/SOs. Maybe drop one of the photographers, I don’t think for such an intimate ceremony you really need two.

Post # 13
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Well it sounds like you made your decision already.

And for the record, I do not believe this day is about you (a general you) and what you want. Its about joining two families through two people getting married and the celebration is for everyone involved. Its about the family as much as it is about you. If it were only about you, you would elope without the need to have anyone there.

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