(Closed) Future Mother in Law and Family not pleased about engagement

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@weddinggirl01:  Sorry your going through all of this. Unfortunately your not the only one. I dont know what causes mothers to be like this. I have been engaged to my Fiance for a very short time and his mother said the exact same thing. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I have never done anything to this woman except come from middle class and they are well to do. She actually asked him if he was going to make me sign a pre nup, which I would gladly do.  Then she pointed out that she was worried that I might be a bad influence on his girls. I personally think they have been spoiled rotten and I make them earn allowance as opposed to just handing them money.

No worries. You cant change her and once you realize that life gets alot easier. I stopped going out of my way to be nice. Dont get me wrong. Im pleasant but I dont suck up to her anymore. If your Fiance loves you then thats all that matters. Hopefully in time she will at least respect you even if she never likes you.

My Fiance told his mother that she didnt have to like me but that she had to be respectful and if she couldnt do that then she didnt really need to be part of our lives. She is now respectful and even keeps her opinions to herself even when I know she is ready to say something.


Good luck. Hope it gets better for you.

Post # 4
3303 posts
Sugar bee

My personal advice is to ignore them. If they don’t want to be happy for you and accept you, their problem. My Future Mother-In-Law also didn’t say congratulations when her son and I got engaged. Instead, she looked at the ring and said, “oh, that’s a nice ring. I should go get me one of those.” I felt like responding back, “Why, are you getting married to? To whom?” She made me feel like my ring was costume jewelry. So after that, I ignored her. I went on planning my wedding with my side of the family and when she and my Future Sister-In-Law figured out I had planned all of my wedding without them, THEN they started asking questions and taking interest. Sometimes it takes ignoring them and moving on as if you don’t need them, for them to shape up.

Post # 5
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Stop trying.  Honestly, it’s the best thing you can do.  You can’t change her, and she is the one losing out. 

I’ve been married before, and my ex Mother-In-Law was like this the whole time we were dating (4 years before we got married).  She started to be more friendly when we got married, but it was too little, too late. 

Still be polite, still be civil, but stop trying to get her to do things with you or your parents.  

Post # 6
1330 posts
Bumble bee

Ahhh Mother-in-laws.

I am about to marry in to a family with two of them-a step and mother who both adore my Fiance and treat him like gold. When we were first dating, the two of them always would always be bugging him to do this or that for them-so much that I barely saw him. He refinished a basement, installed toilets, it goes on and on.

I don’t understand (as a mom myself) why mothers are so adamant to accept the new Girlfriend of their son. I would say that as having two sons myself in dating age, I am not sure how I will feel when they start bringing home girls. And if I don’t like one, what would I do…

However, some mothers just don’t have a healthy relationship with their sons. They will baby, caoddle them, treat them like they are pretty much five because the boys tend to soak it all up and mothers feel more appreciated. I do tonnes of fun activities with my daughter, and she is sometimes appreciative. I cook a good meal for my boys, they are praising me to the high heavens.

So to your future Mother-In-Law: what can you do to make the relationship better? Spend some time with her. Let her get to know you. Not with other people, not with the Fiance. One on One.

find common interests. Sometimes mothers of sons need the extra reassurance …

My future Mother-In-Law is very intimidating. Short of climbing mount everest, she has been in public office, travelled the world, knows everything and everything, and my future H is her favourite son out of three.

She was pretty rude to me at first-one time she pulled out a pair of scissors and said that “Oh, these are the exact type of scissors I gave to J and his last wife for their wedding” or “I remember when they went to Rome together…lets talk about that”

My step Mother-In-Law to be still talks to the ex and has lunch with her, and I have never been invited out for lunch.


I think at the end of the day, if you have made the effort consistently you will always have your Fiance in your corner. Right now he is defending his mom and you and him need to stick together…especialyl when family issues arise in the future.


Good luck!

The topic ‘Future Mother in Law and Family not pleased about engagement’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors