(Closed) Future Mother in Law confusion…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

For starters, that’s great you’ve got a good relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law – that will really help in the wedding-planning process! Unfortunately (in my experience, at least), wedding planning seems to turn parents (particularly in-laws) into ferocious beasts!

Is it possible that she has her nose out of joint because you’re not doing a “real” wedding? I remember suggesting eloping to my in-laws in the early days of planning and they nearly had a heart attack because it’s not “real.” My Mother-In-Law also came dress shopping with me and she was certain that I would wear a dress that she “helped me pick,” so she got a huge shock when I was very non-committal about dresses until the day when it was a completely different dress.

The in-laws (moreso FIL) were very picky about my husband’s suit, too and got very upset when he said he already had a colour/style picked out.

In our case, I think the biggest problem was they had a vision for their son’s wedding, so when we refused to do a big, expensive wedding and just had a cheap but fun day in my parents’ backyard, with him in a grey suit and me in a purple and white dress, they really struggled to come to terms with it. Perhaps it’s something similar with your FMIL?

Post # 4
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t have a whole lot of advice but both your message and LadyElva’s rang bells with me… my Future Mother-In-Law was full of gown suggestions for me (very much appreciated, I really enjoyed showing her my ideas & pins etc) but I invited her shopping with my mum and she was pretty cold on the gown I ended up picking.  I went back a week later just with mum to make sure it was the one, and when I told Future Mother-In-Law that’s what I’d ordered she didn’t seem to show much excitement – which was completely in contrast to her earlier enthusiasm.  I’m not sure if she thinks it’s not fancy enough or I could have done something slightly more special & unique, but all in all I love my dress and that’s all that matters 🙂

Post # 6
317 posts
Helper bee

@smealeys:  my Future Mother-In-Law started this shit with me after we announced our elopement and it still pisses me off. It’s unfortunate for me that it has affected our relationship in every way, not just when  discussing the wedding. So my advice would be try very hard to focus on her good aspects, ignore her bullshit and try not to let her weirdness on this issue spill into the other parts of your relationship. Good luck!

Post # 7
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

It’s weird, I’m probably going to be in the same situation with my Future In-Laws.  FFIL is one of 13 children, Future Mother-In-Law is one of 10…so huge family on both sides.  I have no family in the UK, and only 2 relatives I’m still in touch with, both of whom wouldn’t be able to attend anyway.


I don’t want the big wedding – I’m nearly 45, been married before, done it and didn’t enjoy it.  I’d love to elope, I have beyond zero interest in FI’s family having a reunion on my dime.   When Fiance and I got engaged, his parents were quick to make it clear they wouldn’t be helping financially…his mother even told him ‘we wouldn’t mind if you elope’…sounds great, doesn’t it?  Only I’m sure it’s a load of bollocks.  


An example of how weird Future Father-In-Law is about family – he didn’t speak to his own brother for 5 years because said brother didn’t spend the same amount as he did on their Christmas presents one year…this is a grown man now in his mid 60s…


So I truly think that if we announce that we are either eloping or having a destination wedding it will not go down well at all.  I agree with the PP, stick to your guns and ignore her hissy fits.   No pay, no say.


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