Post # 1
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
My future mother in law is the most needy, controlling and manipulative person sometimes.. i could tell you a million stories but yesterday we went to visit her at her new place and took over a nice pot plant for her and surrounded by friends of hers she asks me when are we gonna go looking at wedding dresses with my mum.. trouble is i already found my dress so i was put in the awkward position of telling her this infront of everyone and she just glared at me and said Oh.. obviously offended… I would understand if i was close with my mother in law that i would ask her to come along but i dont consider myself as close to her.. i already knew what i wanted and i wanted to only look with my mum i didnt even invite my bridesmaids along as i think its one of those bonding moments you can share with your mum because she is who knows me best and knows what i like.. my mother in law would have no clue what i like and she would only pick out things she liked and i don’t want her putting any doubt in my head about what i want. We had to do the same thing with booking the reception because she kept telling us where she thought we should have it so we just went ahead and booked it and told her afterwards.. at the end of the day it is our wedding not hers and i dont want her controlling everything!
Even though my fiance stood up to her and confronted her about her negative reaction to when i told her about the dress he sent her an email this morning telling her this “story” explaining why i didnt ask her to come to sugar coat it basically so she would feel less offended but that only makes things worse as now she will think and expect that i want her to be involved in everything else! i just get frustrated.. she acts like she is entitled to do all these things that are really things my mum should do or be involved in because i am her daughter and she is my mum. My mother in law can’t just step in and try and take over my mum’s position and she is the type of person who would do that and i dont want to let her.. so now i feel like everything i do has to be passed by the mother in law first incase i offend her again and its ridiculous she is not the one getting married and it’s not her wedding! She has to make everything about herself!
I told my fiance when it comes time that the dress has come in and i have to be fitted i will put the offer out there for my mother in law to come and see it so that she doesnt feel completely uninvolved but to what extent do i need to involve her? i know what i want and i dont want her trying to take over and control things she makes things soooo hard for us and she demands all our time and if she doesnt see us for one week she goes and complains to her other son and ex husband that we dont see her enough. We are both over it my fiance has had enough of her lately as she doesnt know when to stop when she drinks and thats when all the bad qualities come out of her.. i hate to think what its going to be like when we have kids 🙁
Post # 3
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
Is she trying to control everything or is she just excited and wanting to be involved?
Also does she have a daughter? If not this could explain why she is wanting to stick her nose into it.
At the end of the day it is your choice as to how much you want her to get involved…I think it is lovely if she gets to come with you to see your dress fitting. Other than that maybe your could offer her some small jobs to do (help with invites or crafty things?).
If she is trying to control everything and is being a b*&ch about it, then I would just tell her that you want everything to be a surprise and that no one is going to know any information.
Post # 4
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
Sorry to hear she is causing issues.
My FMIL wants to see pictures of my wedding dress, but I dont want to show her, and I dont’ know how to say it nicely.
I bought my dress months ago, but recently went to a wedding in my fiances family (cousin), and his cousin had a very similar dress that I myself almost bought. So I dont want to show her because I dont want her to tell other people that my dress is similar and ruin any surprises for my fiance.
I think that you don’t need to involve her so much if you aren’t comfortable, especially if its just you and your mother. Make yourself happy first!
Post # 5
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
@russian_doll: she does try to control things, when we were deciding where to have the reception we told her the place we wanted it it is perfect for us as the package includes so much meaning less work for us and it is really nice inside and we have always heard positive reviews about it but that wasnt good enough for her she kept on our backs constantly saying “why don’t you have the reception on the water” or “why don’t you have the wedding over in Fiji i think you should have it there”.. they sound like nice ideas but venues on the water don’t include all the inclusions were getting and they charge the earth just for food and drinks because of the location. Having the wedding in Fiji is impracticale because people we want going wouldnt be able to afford the travel and accommodation but she kept going on about how nice it would be because she would get a holiday out of it.. she makes everything about herself!
She is also a bit of a snob so the place i went to look at wedding dresses wouldnt of been good enough for her.. she most likely would of tried to pressure me into looking somewhere else at some expensive boutique store at dresses i can’t afford and i bet she would of said something to make me feel like my dress wasnt good enough.. i don’t want to show her any photos if i had it my way she wouldnt see the dress until the wedding day.
She is very opionionated and to involve her in things feels like its only going to stress me out unnecessarily. I do think she is excited and just wants to be in on the planning because she does not have a daughter but i dont want her controlling and dictating how i do everything. The fact she doesnt have a daughter means she is trying to compensate through me but the way she goes about it is unfair to my mum.. my mother in law should not assume that she is entitled to do all the things my mum deserves and is entitled to do because she is not my mother i think she needs to realise that
Post # 6
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
i definately think you should keep the dress a surprise until the day because ur MIL will do what you predict and go and blab about it to other people when its not her right to say anything. My friend showed her MIL a photo of her dress and the first thing she did was criticise the back of it saying it was too low..i just think that is so rude and cruel i dont want my MIL seeing it in a photo as a photo will never do a dress justice.. just tell her your keeping it a surprise for the day
Post # 7
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
@cuddlz88: Ok, so she is a nut case MIL woohoo…
See if you can score a reception at Figi (her paying of course lol)..*jks*
You’re just going to have to keep ideas and communication down to a minimal…Tell her it’s a suprise and no one is knowing anything.
This should be a close bonding time between you and your mother….*Big Hugs* for you hun and good luck.
Post # 8
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
@russian_doll: thanks for the advice 🙂 yea if she wants to pay for everyone to go to fiji she is more than welcome to but i don’t think she will be contributing much financially
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