(Closed) Future Mother in law! :( help

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@blingbride623: just ignore it and move on with your planning. SMIL was very involved in planning but Mother-In-Law was not. I just rolled with it and in the end i think it was just that Mother-In-Law isn’t into weddings. she was happy for us but didn’t get into any of the planning stuff, and she didn’t come to the rehearsal (which was kind of a mandatory thing, yaknow?!) or my shower. i never held it against her though, really you don’t want too many cooks in the kitchen anyway!

Post # 4
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Unfortunately I don’t have a mother-in-law (she’s deceased) but I can only imagine how you feel since you’re trying to include her. From planning my own wedding I’ve learned that no one cares about your wedding more than you do. That goes for your Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man, guests and even family-to-be members. Without knowing what kind of person she is or how close you two are it’s hard to think of a possibility. Are weddings her “thing”? Maybe she’s not into them. Does she have any daughters? Maybe she has a hard time relating to girls.

I don’t think you’ll have a true answer without asking her yourself.

Post # 5
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just ignore it really..

Post # 6
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Maybe she doesn’t want to seem too overbearding and like a pushy Future Mother-In-Law.  She might not know that you want her input and advice.  Have you talked to her about it…besides just inviting her dress shopping? 

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Some people seriously don’t get excited about helping to plan a wedding.

And some stay out of planning because they don’t feel like they are creative enough to input.

I have some family members like this. My parents, for example, were all too happy to go dress shopping with me and to pay for the reception venue, but they are completely freaked out by talk of color schemes and centerpieces. I definitely don’t hold it against them, and understand that it is just where their comfort level lies.

My Future Mother-In-Law is not involved in wedding planning either. Of course, she checks in to see the dates we are planning to be in Niagara and some information they need to know for attendance. I really think it’s due to the fact that Fiance and I are keeping it simple, low-stress, and just fun. We have everything covered and have done this really on our own (ok, mostly me for all the girly details).

Point is that I don’t think your Future Mother-In-Law is intentionally trying to hurt you… unless there is backstory that we didn’t hear about such as she says and does mean things and doesn’t treat you like you are part of the family, etc.

Weddings just don’t ring everyones’ bells… get it? I’m cheesy when I’ve had a long day. LOL

Post # 8
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ignore it.  Be glad your family and friends are involved and carry on.  My Future Mother-In-Law has not helped with planning, nor do I expect or really want her to.  I am actually glad she is not involved.  We do not have the same tastes or opinions on many things, so it is better this way.  On the upside, my mom is awesome and loves weddings/parties and I am loving getting to go through this process with my mom.  FMIL will be visiting next weekend for Thanksgiving, we will see if she even asks about the wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

perhaps some people are not really into planning. I would think this is better than the other extreme – where Future Mother-In-Law has an opinion for each detail of the wedding. πŸ™‚ imagine something ala Jennifer Lopez’s movie “Monster-in-law”. At least, you don’t have to fight your way out on every item on your to do list.

 

so smile and don’t let it get to you. πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it’s pretty common for FMILs to be mostly in the background with planning. Many still feel that its the bride and her family’s ‘show’ so unless specifically asked to be involved, will more than likely back off.

Think of it this way. Adding a third person in one the decision making always makes things harder,especially when 2 agree and one doesn’t. Its probably easier to leave her out, but it doesn’t mean she isn’t interested.

Post # 11
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry that the Future Mother-In-Law isn’t being happily involved in the planning process. You did your due dilligence by trying to include her. It’s your special day, so you do what it is that you’d like to go. Maybe Future Mother-In-Law will come around but don’t let her get you down during this happy occaision

Post # 12
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Be grateful and ignore it. I’d have to have myself committed if my Future Mother-In-Law was involved in the wedding planning.  The inlaws have done enough butting in and making this a not so fun experience.

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Just ignore it, some women just aren’t into it, or maybe she doesn’t know what to do, or she feels like you may not like what she has to say, or she doesn’t want to be pushy, or a list of other things. Don’t sweat it and have a good time.

Post # 14
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I actually wish my Future Mother-In-Law didn’t care :/ On the other hand, if you’ve done everything you can to involve her and she’s still not interesed, I guess there’s not much you can do. Some women aren’t into wedding planning. I guess if you make it clear that  you want her part of your special day, that might be enouh for her?

Post # 15
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

As a mother, I am very aware of my role in my daughters wedding.  I just want it to be about her!  She is overseas so her sisters, her best friend and fsil are actually doing a lot of the planning.  I was more involved right when she got engaged and with the dress.  I have told her many times that all she needs to do is ask and I will be right there.  Maybe that’s what you need to do if you want her involved, keep asking so she knows that you understand maybe she’s had other obligations in the past, but that you are consistently caring and trying to involve her.  Perhaps you could talk it over with your Fiance and see what he says, maybe he will have some suggestions.

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