(Closed) Future Mother In Law Holiday Misery

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@rawrrrrr:  Blecch, I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I wanted to extend my sympathy. . . my mother can be kind of like his mother sometimes and it is HARD to deal with. It sounds like she just hasn’t let go of him as her “baby” yet. That sounds weird, especially since he’s just finished grad school. . . but I’m a grad student myself and my mother has many issues with letting me go. Plus she has never liked my SO, but that is her problem.

Basically, I think this situation is your FI’s mother’s problem, and I guess the best thing to do would be, for you, try to ignore it– hopefully it will pass in the next couple of years. Maybe once he does find a good job and your guys are married she’ll realize he’s grown up. For him, he needs to assert the fact that he is an adult and can make his own choices, and make sure he doesn’t get ground down by the nagging and guilting and make choices out of guilt/obligation to his parents, instead of choosing what is best for HIM and you as a couple.

Good luck– it suuuucks when parents do this. And the holidays seem to really bring out the empty-nester crazies in parents of 20-somethings who are newly independent. Undecided Maybe the two of you can establish a way to have your own holiday traditions as a couple, and that might help the attempted controlling from his mother? I don’t know. . . just keep communicating with your Fiance about how this makes your two feel, and possible things to do about it.

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think this pretty much comes down to the fact that she is feeling insecure about the fact that you are about to become his wife, and therefore you will be his immediate family – not her, his dad, and brother. And instead of being proud of him and how well his adult life is going, she is sad and clinging onto her time with him and making things uncomfortable for the two of you, which is a shame. I’m glad he has stuck up for you and your relationship.

If I were you, I would want him to nip the whole ‘family time’ thing in the bud by saying that you are about to become his wife and are very important family to him, and that he resents the implication that it is not family time if you’re around,w hen you are the one he is marrying and will be having children (your own family!) with. And then I would ask him to not share these little comments with you anymore, because it sounds like he is handling them pretty well on his own, and there is no point in you knowing about them, it’s just going to cause more tension and hurt feelings for you.

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