(Closed) Future Mother in law is being a pain in the ARSE

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Do you have any examples of what she’s done that is stressing you out so much?

Post # 4
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What types of things is she doing?

Post # 6
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@notintoplanning: I think you’re over reacting a little bit.  If she’s under a great deal of stress as well you need to cut her some slack.  Other peoples’ lives don’t get put on hold just because there’s a wedding to plan.  And at least she was trying to help (with getting the addresses).  I would just let it go and remind yourself that you are bothed stressed right now.

Post # 8
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

While some of the things you mentioned she is going through are stressful for her, I think you have a right to be somewhat upset.  Your wedding date is fast approaching and your stress level is already high.  Since her contacting you is stressing you, maybe politely tell her that you yourself are also stressed out and if she can refrain from adding to that stress by constantly unloading on you until the wedding is over, then that would be a big help. 

I wouldn’t blow up on her because some of her reasons sound like legit reasons for her to be stressed, though I must admit, I would’ve probably been super irritated if someone just got me addresses out of the yellow pages.  I can do that myself thanks, I wanted you to contact your family for me so I knew for sure they would be correct.   

Good luck.  Relax, remember it will all be worth it in the end. 

 

Post # 9
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can see how her actions are stressing you out when you have a full plate yourself!

I read her actions this way: she trusts you enough to tell you what’s going on in her life and with your FI’s family. She must think you’re a level headed/ smart girl since you’re pulling together your weding yourself.

Ask your Fiance for help in contacting relatives on his side, you shouldn’t have to do that and break up the remaining tasks into managable smaller to-dos. Maybe invite Future Mother-In-Law for an afternoon of wedding activity to “distract” her from what else is going on.

 

Post # 11
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sounds like you resolved it. But just remember that as the wedding day approaches, EVERYONE, including your parents, gets more stressed out and it’s common to look to the couple to make decisions and fix things–not because they want to throw off the responsibility necessarily, but because it’s your day and they don’t want to step on your toes. And–and I AM on your side–but it does sound like she could use a little sympathy–it is not fun to feel like you’re losing grandkids or to watch your sister/brother’s marriage fall apart.

You also seem to have a knee-jerk reaction when she asks you to do something, which is totally understandable, but for your own sanity, perhaps just start a list, write down things that she asks you to do, and promise to put that list away and only deal with it every Wednesday and Saturday or something–that can give you a few days to cool off and get a level head to look at what it is she wants you to do and assess whether you want to do it, you want someone else to, or you want to throw it back to her.

That said, don’t be afraid to delegate. You have a Fiance and you have BMs and other friends whom I’m sure would be okay with making a phone call here and there just to help you out.

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