Post # 1
Hi ladies. This may be a bit long. I got engaged about two weeks ago!!! I’m so happy I cant wait to spend my life with my best friend! As my other posts have said…my Fiance and I have been dating for almost 9 years. I’m 24 and he is 26…we have been through so much together! My future mother in law had always felt that I was not a great match for him. Every time we have made our relationship work she has not been very happy. Of course the weekend I get engaged to her son she throws a tantrum and says to him that she is not happy with his choice. Even though many times she has told me she really loves me it has never felt like it. She believes that I am not right person for him. This hurts more then ever because her approval of course means a lot for my Fiance and me. She has known me since I was 14!! She has seen me made mistakes as welll as seen me through different stages in my life. It’s been difficult to feel happy at times because my Fiance gets sad every now and then. She is a single mother and her and my Fiance are really close. I feel it’s so unfair that she is doing this to us. How can I handle this? My wedding date will be in June and I feel sad that I can’t bring myself to start wedding planning since she is not on board. This is so frustrating. Please ladies any advice would sincerely help. I’m feeling so down…
Post # 3
@butterfly1988: You handle this by handling yourself — that is all you can do. Do your best to be cordial and helpful to her at all times. Include her in a portion of your planning, send her a card for the holidays. Kill her with kindness, grace and goodness for the sake of your husband to be.
Post # 4
@butterfly1988: Pffffffft. She’s just mad she won’t be the main woman in his life anymore.
Post # 6
Ladies…thank you so much for the comforting words…I have been feeling really down as of lately. And was thinking of which approach I should handle this with…because I’m really hurt by her after everything she has seen us go through. But jealousy may be part of the reason she is like this. Not the first time of course…but I’m been a little optimistic in the fact that she will change about this…anyone outthere has gone through this? If so what approach did you take?
Post # 7
@butterfly1988: I find that as much as (I think) my Mother-In-Law likes me, no woman will ever be enough for her son. This is true for most moms out there and I know there are exceptions but for the most part it is that way. I’ve heard some coworkers say this about their son’s girlfriends or wives. It’s hard not to feel sad over it, but there is not much you can do except for not marrying the love of your live to keep her happy. If she’s unhappy it is not your fault, it’s hers because she can turn things around but you cannot do that for her. Sometimes we feel guilty for what other people do, but there’s not much we can do about it. Just keep your head up and start the wedding planning. Chances are you will have to deal with her for the rest of your life but that’s just one draw back from the happy ever after you will have with your future husband. Best of Luck!
Post # 8
Thank you. Yeah you are absolutely right about this…moms will always feel jealous that another woman will be taken care of their sons. I’m trying super hard to not think so much about this but I keep reminding myself that the feelings she has for me may for a while. Again last night she told my Fiance how she felt she is so mad that she is not talking to him at all. It makes me unworthy of been part of her family…I can only imagine what she has said..my Fiance sounded so down. He said to me that he feels more concerned about how she is acting then really celebrating our engagement, which he is upset about because its supposed to be a special time…. Almost every conversation has been about how we can “convince” her to be on board. Because I know it will hurt him if she didnt show up at our wedding. She has two other sons who are married and she did not show up to their weddings because she did not approve. I really want to cry. I’m so sorry about the long post. I needed to vent 🙁
Post # 9
My Future Mother-In-Law hates me, and it used to bother me. Then I realized it has less to do with the person I am, and stems from her need to have her son’s attention constantly. As long as you and your Fiance are on the same page, thinngs will work out. *HUGS*
Post # 10
From what I read, I think that while your Fiance is sad about his mother’s attitude, he is not going to change his mind about marrying you. That being decided, both of you need to slightly back off about convincing her, IMO. Forcing his mother to be on board will only make her more resentful and unreasonable. Go ahead with the plans, be nice to her but at the same time let her realize that whatever she thinks isn’t going to change the fact that you are marrying her son. Let her come to terms with this reality at her own pace.
Word of advice: a person can have as much hold on your mind as you allow them. Don’t let your Future Mother-In-Law put a damepener on your special time.
Post # 11
My last boyfriend’s mother HATED me. She only met me once, and said I wasn’t good enough for her son. So that ended things pretty quickly. We were both 19 so I got over it quick.
Tbh though, it depends on the couple. If you are in love, and strong, and can stand being given the cold sholder from his family then you can just let her negativity fly over you. However, if it becomes too much and you don’t think its worth it, then maybe you could consider another route.
To me, family is much more important and so if my mom/dad had strong feelings against the person I was with, I wouldn’t put them through the agony of seeing their daughter with someone they didn’t think was right and be forced to act fake around my partner only out of respect to me. It’s just not worth it, and my parents are almost right 100% of the time.
Whatever you do, do it gracefully and be the nicest you can be. If you are going to stay in that family, keep your Mother-In-Law close.