Post # 1
Hello. I am getting married to my fiancee in a few months. Her mother really hates me because I have mild depression. She tells her friends that I am a mental case and that I am antisocial (I’m a pretty successful guy, have a lot of friends, a great education, a good career and own my own home. I do have depression, but I have managed it successfully for all of my life). I once shared with my fiancee that my grandfather sexually abused me. She told her mother and now her mother has told many people. The worst part is, she told them that I have the probability of being a child molester, too. This really hurts because this is not true. The thought of bringing a child into this world and seeing her put her hands on him/her gives me a great pause. I am angry and horried that such a nasty person could make such a terrible comment — much less share it with everyone she knows. How could you move forward with a person like this in your life? I don’t know what to do or what this relationship would look like. Right now, my fiancee’s mother has been unaccepting and nasty. She said she would never give a blessing to our marriage and will show up naked to it. My friends and parents are horried at her. I am stunned because I do not know how to move forward with such a nasty person in my life.
Post # 2
So sorry that you have to deal with this. I am a firm believer that people who say evil things about others are not happy in their own life and it is easier to spew hate towards someone else. Either she is jealous of her daughter OR she is a miserable lady. Honestly I would encourage you to speak with your fiance and maybe put your wedding on hold until this issue is worked out. Or ELOPE!!!!!!
Post # 3
I’m sorry she’s being so horrid. However, why would your fiancée she with her mother what you tell her? Was that a one off or recurring behaviour? If it’s recurrent, that’s an even bigger problem than her mother in my opinion.
Post # 4
I think you and your fiance need to have a serious discussion about this. Firstly, there are certain things that she should not be discussing with her mother or anyone else for that matter that you have confided in her, and vice versa. If you want to communicate effectively in the future and not encounter trust issues then this is something that needs to be addressed now.
And if her mother is such a negative force in your lives then I think you need to decide whether that’s something you can live with until the day that she or you die, or if your future wife is willing to limit contact with her in the future to not cause problems between your fiance and yourself.
Post # 5
Depends if your fiancé is on board with this situation or not. Does she condemn this behaviour too or is she running to mommy dearest with everything you trust her with? How do you know the mother is saying these things? Has she been confronted about these lies? If your fiancé sides with the mother at all or excuses this in any way I would rethink the relationship frankly.
Post # 6
There’s really nothing you can do about your future Mother-In-Law. Anything you say to her will be distorted and used as further evidence against you in her imaginary indictment of you.
She’ll show up naked to the wedding? There’s a threat we don’t hear every day around here.
It’s on your fiancée to get her mother to control herself. That won’t be a small task. MIL sounds quite dreadful.
And I am terribly sorry for what you suffered through as a child.
Post # 7
Don’t you come here to post the same complaint every few months?
Stop telling the Mother-In-Law things. Get counseling with your fiance.
Post # 8
Dear OP, you seem to come back every couple of months with the same problem. Has your fiancée changed at all or is she still allowing, even encouraging her awful mother to insult and disrespect you?
The mother sounds a perfectly terrible person – if only you could call her bluff and say you are cool with her her showing up naked to the wedding , stipulating only that she has to wear a hat.
I doubt you are going to ever be your FMIL’s favourite person. But you should be your fiancée’s favourite person and unless and until she understands and practices loyalty to you, l doubt this is going to get any better.
Time for a showdown l’d say.
Post # 9
huck256 : Break up with your fiancee, and her mother goes away.
Seriously, you’ve been saying for months that her mother dislikes you and treats you terribly, and she responds by telling her painful secrets from your past? I looked at your past posts, and it almost feels like your fiancee is conspiring with her mother to do you emotional harm. Leave her and find a girlfriend less devoted to a toxic parent.
Post # 10
huck256 : you have shared this exact same post like a month ago. What are you hoping will be different this time?
Post # 11
Huck, you’ve posted about this 6months ago, and 2 months ago and things seem to be getting worse. You’ve received a lot of advice in the past but obviously things aren’t getting better.
Have you seen a therapist? You arent handling this well alone, and your depression is going to be affected if your personal life with your Mother-In-Law and family is deteriorating and toxic. Couples counseling is a must, as soon as possible.
Post # 12
huck256 : The most important thing is how is your Fiance handling it? If she’s not getting her mother to back down then honestly she’s not worth it. You don’t need that kind of stress and drama throughout the rest of your marriage
Post # 13
We’re being used a social experiment.
Your fiance is a twat.
Post # 14
You should not be getting married. Your F I has shown you time and again that mommy comes first, not you. Your problem isn’t your F M I L, it’s your fiancée. Marriage isn’t going to change the situation, it’s just going to further tie you to this woman. She will continue to slander you to everyone who will listen, and your F I will continue to feed her information. Nothing has changed in the past 6 months.
Post # 15
You and your fiancé are soon to be FAMILY, and in best case scenarios, should become your most important family.
As such, no discussions of personal information should go beyond your doors.
Many people come here with complaints similar to yours, and the solution is ALWAYS the same- DO NOT DISCUSS ANYTHING WITH ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR Fiance, AND BE SURE SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT YOU EXPECT HER NOT TO DISCUSS YOUR PERSONAL INFO WITH ANYONE ELSE., family or otherwise.
AND- learn to ignore anything that is said about you that is untrue or partially true.
If this strikes you as being difficult or impossible for one or both of you, DO NOT GET MARRIED.
Easy to remember and guaranteed to work!