(Closed) Future Mother-in-Law Telling Everyone she is Paying

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh hot damn.  I think the best thing to do is hand this monster problem to your Fiance to handle.  This is definitely a situation where she needs to be curbed, and he’s the one that needs to do it.  Quickly.  I really, really hope he’s 100% on your side with this and has a strong backbone when it comes to handling his mother, because from the sounds of it there’s going to be backlash from her nomatter how much of a silver tongue your Fiance may have.  I wish you all the best in this – money is such a touchy issue as it is, without dousing it with a situation like this.  Good Luck!

Post # 4
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think this is *that* big of a deal. Who cares what other people think? You’re going to get a beautiful wedding, and the people who matter know what they are contributing. I’d be happy I was getting any money from anyone. If you don’t want her bragging, turn down her contribution. Her money sounds like it has conditions, so if you want it, you need to accept those. IMO…

Post # 5
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Your Mother-In-Law is only going to make herself look like an idiot when/if someone else finds out she didn’t pay for everything.

It’s one of those times where you can’t go parading around what your parents contributed, so just don’t say anything and rest assured that the important people know the truth. It’s annoying, but what else can you do?

Post # 6
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with BrookBQ. Your Future Mother-In-Law is probably just excited about the wedding and didn’t mean it in a negative way towards your parents. If it really bothers you, next time she offers to pay for something or upgrade say “no.” Either way you have two sets of parents who sound super excited and are each contributing what they can. 

Post # 7
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Out of curiosity, what’s the percent breakdown of what Future Mother-In-Law vs. your parents are paying?

Post # 8
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ooo, I feel for you. $10,000 is alot in this economy & your parents are probably so happy to do that for you. It’s so cute how parents want so badly to help their daughters, I love it! Makes me emotional!

I can relate a bit, my Future In-Laws are paying for venue including food & open bar for 140 guests which will come to just over $10,000 (friends with the owner…;-) My parents gave me $5,000 and then another $5,000 when they saw where costs were going. Fiance & I put in over $10,000 ourselves. But my in-laws sometimes act like they did it all b/c they found the venue and my Future Sister-In-Law found the florist, photographer…etc. We are going with their choices b/c they have contacts in the industry but it’s become all about them & their customs. And they will probably let people assume that they paid for it all. MY Future Sister-In-Law accidently left a receipt for my shower lying around & it was a deposit for $2,000. Honestly that was way too much to pay for a backroom at a bakery with lots of food that was not that great ;-( I am grateful but it was tacky that she was so desperate to let me know what she paid…

Do what I’m doing & make sure to be very clear in your thank you speech, I’m going to thank both families for their charitable contributions..etc

I also put both sets of parents as hosts on the invite (my parents first…yay!)

Anyways, good luck & congrats, I’m sure it will be a beautiful wedding.

Post # 9
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes! People like that are never happy in life…

…my father struggles with the fact that he can’t contribute to the wedding at all. It’s all he can do to put food on his own table and pay his mortgage. I think your Future Mother-In-Law should be more respectful about other’s contributions….but on the bright side, at least you and your Fiance don’t have the added stress of paying for the wedding yourself…

Post # 10
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

She is probably only telling her guest that. She doesn’t sound malicious just thoughtless. I would let her know you saw the email. I think she using this as an extension to brag about things she normal talks about with friends like money. I don’t get people like that. I would tell her to please pipe down it’s disrespectful to your parents.

Post # 11
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would just give a quick thank you speech at the wedding and thank her specifically what she paid for and thank your parents specifically for what they paid for – she will be the one with the red face

Like “We would like to thank Future Mother-In-Law for making sure we had the best band, beautiful flowers, etc, etc. and also of course we would like to thank my parents for the beautiful venue and delicious food they provided”

Post # 12
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I get it, your very worried that it could hurt your parents and that it belittles their part in your wedding. I would feel the exact same way! I would tell your fi this and ask him to please talk to her. It needs to be handled ASAP and pull back on anymore of her upgrades. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

First, it’s not just you getting married, it’s your FH’s day too. So I think its not right for the bride’s parents to entirely foot the bill. Second, your Fiance needs to tell her that comments like this are disrepectful since your family is contributing too. Unless she wants to pay for it all herself (and I would let her, since this sounds like a hardship for your family, though it woudl hurt their pride).

Post # 14
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would have your Fiance talk to her gently about it.  Let her know how much you appreciate everything but then explain how you and your family feels.   If it’s approached properly, you can still enjoy all of this and keep your family feeling like they are being appreciated.

Post # 15
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I agree about making a speech and thanking your parents just as much. That is bizarre that she is bragging about paying – like anyone else cares!

Post # 16
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

if your Fiance has any respect for YOU and YOUR parents, he will step in and help you deal with this. It’s rude to even tell her own guest list that “she is wedding payer.” You may not be able to control that part though, but you need help putting an end to this being her wedding instead of yours and your fiance’s.

Have you had a true heart to heart with your fiance at all about any of this? He needs to be your teammate through all of this and hopefully the email you sent isnt the only reminder he has that your parents are contributing.

Last, you need to not be such a pushover because this is exactly what can happen if you dont speak up. If you cant speak up to her, your fiance needs to. If not for you, do it for your hard working parents.

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