(Closed) Future mother in law threatened to boycott wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The baby should be with the mother, especially as it is a newborn. The mama will know to sit close to the back in case the baby is fussy so she will take care of it. Sorry if I am being to direct, the baby is of no extra cost to you but your stubbornness and plan to elope is. It is costing you money but more importantly the relationship with your future inlaws. Not the best way to start as a married couple.

Post # 3
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
whiskers85au:  You should invite the baby. I cannot imagine leaving a 3 month old baby that’s breast feeding etc… it’s ridiculous to ask her to do that, especially as the sister of the groom. 

It’s a tiny baby… either it will be asleep, or if it wakes up and cries your Future Sister-In-Law can take it outside. It’s no big deal to you Whatsoever and leaving her baby will be a huge deal to her and will make her really uncomfrotable and upset throughout the wedding.

I don’t blame your future inlaws for their reaction at all.

Invite the baby and get over yourself.

 

Post # 4
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
whiskers85au:  Also if you look on any wedding websites it almost always says that breastfed infants and immediate family (nieces, nephews) are the exception to a ”no kids” rule. Even if you don’t invite immediate family, you should still invite breastfed infants.. especially when the breasfed infant is also immediate family. It’s just common courtesy.

Post # 5
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I personally find it beyond asinine to bring a small baby around crowds of people, and research university pediatricians also do not recommend this for babies under 4 months old, preferably 6 months old. Besides the absolute ignorance and nerve it takes to demand this of you and then threaten to boycott the wedding. Let them stay home then, they are not doing you a favor by being there and being assholes.

Post # 6
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You probably need to look at your own conduct in this, it is you who is causing the family rift in my opinion. Its ridiculous to expect a mother to leave a newborn baby (which she may be nursing) with somebody else for the whole day. This will be your niece/nephew and I find it baffling that you would exclude them like this. I understand ‘no kids’ weddings but you are taking it to the extreme. If its any comfort, we had a three month old at our wedding and it was probably the best behaved guest there!

Post # 7
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think the thing is it’s a really touchy subject and people have different opinions on what’s best for their small baby. I think if a baby is old enough go without breastmilk for a long period of time then it’s fair to ask a mother to come without her baby, but with a tiny baby I just think the polite thing to do is to invite the baby and leave it up to the mother to do what’s comfortable for her. Mothers with babies that young are still full of hormons and separation anxiety and it’s something that you really need to take into consideration and be accommodating.

Post # 9
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
whiskers85au:  Oh I see, well in that case you’re not being unreasonable. I think everyone has dug their heels in and is refusing to budge at this point :-S..  I think in your situation I’d just give in and decide it’s not worth the fuss really. And then I’d selfishly hope the baby would scream and that they’d be really embarassed 😀

Post # 10
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
muguet:  +1

 

It’s only for a half hour, during the ceremony. Bride rules! Let them boycott, if they want. It’s childfree and they’re acting like children, so you’re better off without them there.

Post # 11
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
whiskers85au:  I would just ignore them. If they come, they come; if they don’t, they don’t, and you’re probably better off without them there. I definitely would not back down though as you are not being unreasonable in asking that the baby isn’t there for the ceremony. 

Post # 12
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

Not unreasonable at all. If it means that much to them, I’d probably say that its okay, but then again I tend to be the pushover. 

Post # 13
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You’re not being unreasonable, they are. 

Ignore their demands. I wouldn’t back down on this, you’re asking for 30 minutes without the baby, not insisting they leave their newborn at home. 

Post # 14
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
whiskers85au:

In this case then I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Your inlaws’ behaviour is stroppy and unnacceptable and if it was my family I wouldn’t bend to this. However how does your fiance feel? He’s obviously very upset with them now and I know you say the ‘damage is done’ from both of your points of view, however twenty years down the line (assuming this isn’t typical behaviour from his family and just weddings and newborns making everyone crazy) you’re unlikely to still be seething about having to cave to their demands. However if you don’t cave and they don’t come it will ALWAYS hang over your family that your FI’s parents and sister weren’t at the wedding.

Personally I would approach them and tell them how unreasonable and upsetting you find their behaviour but since they refuse to even consider a reasonable compromise (baby being with father for thirty short minutes) then you feel backed into a corner and have no choice but to allow them to get their way even though you are extremely disappointed with them and the way they’ve gone about forcing their own way on your wdding day. Hopefully then it’s back on them to do the right thing and concede that they can make that compromise for you.

Post # 15
Member
1821 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My son is 10 months now but if my son was still 3 months and if I went to someone wedding I would time my son nap to make sure he is asleep during the ceremony if he isn’t and is very cranky before the ceremony even begins than I wouldn’t go in the ceremony and just wait it out until he falls asleep. I would than just wait until the ceremony is over and join everyone at cocktail hour. But if you time it right the baby would and could be sleeping throughout the ceremony and you wouldn’t even know if the child is even there.

The topic ‘Future mother in law threatened to boycott wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors