(Closed) Future Mother-in-Law wants to wear ivory to my wedding-help!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She is going to make such a fool of herself. That is really desperate. But you can’t correct her. Let her fall on her own sword.

Post # 17
Member
8962 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

labellaragazza:  Does your fiance have a sister or aunt who could talk some sense into his mom? If so, I’d ask him to ask one of them to step in. If not, he should do it. Show him a couple experts who say it’s not proper, then ask him to explain to her that he doesn’t want her to be embarassed or wonder why people are looking at her strangely. That’s true, right? Surely he doesn’t want his mom to be embarassed on his wedding day. I don’t see anything wrong with him telling her that.

Post # 18
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is she paying for any of the wedding?  I would ask fiance to tell her she can wear what she wants, but people will think she is either not a nice person, or is trying to send a message, but n any event, she will be put to the side or in back in pictures. 

Post # 19
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

labellaragazza:  You’re totally not being too sensitive. I completely agree with a PP that an aunt/sister/etc., talking to her might be a good option. Can your Fiance help with that? 

Post # 20
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Post # 21
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You can ask her not to wear white, but at the end of the day she can decide what to do. honestly, she’ll just look bad if she’s wearing ivory, but it wont take the attention off of you so don’t worry about that. 

Post # 22
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee

I really want to say, “she’s an adult, let her wear what she wants. It doesn’t matter”. But, no. I know that as cool as I’d want to be, I would be super annoyed.

If it was a guest in knee length ivory, I don’t think I’d care. Rightly or wrongly, I’d take it way more personally if it was my Mother-In-Law. 

I’d get FH or Future Sister-In-Law to have a word with her…

Post # 23
Member
9459 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

just level with her, if you’re close.  Let her know that you think it’s wierd and a bit rude, but you’ll love her whatever she does and you’re sure she’ll look great either way.  Let her know that you’d be honored if she’d consider wearing one of your wedding colors, perhaps, as a way to steer her away.

Post # 24
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Oh, please. It’s just a friggin’ dress. The ‘no white’ rule is so stupid and outdated. Modern day brides have been brainwashed to take offense to it. OP, please don’t stir the pot with her over something so trivial. 

Post # 25
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

2 women in their 60s wore white to my wedding.  I didn’t even notice until photos.  No one was going to mistake them for the bride.

Post # 26
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

Id definitely be annoyed and if it came up again clearly state that I was asking her not to wear white.

I guess y’all have different relationships with your Mother-In-Law. Im on friendly terms with my Mother-In-Law and I couldnt imagine her doing anything to detract from my day. But if she couldnt put her desire to wear ivory aside. Id see that as her making a decision about our relationship, not me ruining my relationship with her. So any fallout or bitterness would be her own fault. 

Post # 27
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 1997

I agree that the “no white” rule is out of date and silly. I’d tell her to wear whatever makes her feel comfortable and beautiful to the wedding. Her happiness is important too! A mother-in-law in an ivory dress will take nothing away from you or your day. Throwing a fit over the color of her dress would make you look pretty self-centered and immature.

Post # 28
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

No you are not being overly sensitive. Anyone who says that you are is just saying your feelings don’t matter–which is ridiculous. Altough modern etiquette does seem to be leaning toward allowing wedding guests to wear white, I just don’t know why someone would do it. For every person that has heard “it’s ok to wear white now!” there are 3 people that still keep to the old rule. So, even if the bride isn’t offended, tons of people will be looking at you sideways all night. Moreover, the bride MIGHT be offended. Why anyone would ever take the risk of offending a bride on her wedding day is beyond me. It’s just a selfish thing to do.

Now, all of that being said. If I were in your position I would try to ignore it and move on. In fact, I would not be annoyed if a regular guest wore white to my wedding, but I would be annoyed if Future Mother-In-Law did so. I wouldn’t put it past my Future Mother-In-Law to wear white to my wedding, and while that would annoy me to no end (FMIL and I are NOT close), I wouldn’t say anything to her and I wouldn’t let it ruin my day.

Post # 29
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

labellaragazza:  Mine did- it was beautiful:) I never cared about that “rule”. My aunt and uncle are Seikh and they always wear white. I loved my pictures with them too because you can really see my dress was ivory! 

Post # 30
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

The unspoken rule of not wearing “bridal” colors as a wedding guest is as old as the day is long. She should know better. I don’t blame you for being upset. Have you asked to see the dress she is referring to?

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