(Closed) Future Mother-in-Law wants to wear ivory to my wedding-help!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I guess I wouldn’t exactly like it but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it either.  If you are close and she likes and respects you and congratulates you, etc, isn’t that what really matters?

Post # 32
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee

It personally wouldn’t bother me. Wedding gowns are expanding to all different colors now. Are blush and gold/champagne dresses out too, just in case the bride chooses one of those gowns? Do you really think that your Mother-In-Law will in anyway upstage you or people will be confused? I recently attended a wedding where the mother of the groom wore a white pants suit and she looked regal and stunning- not one bit bridal.

Post # 33
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
labellaragazza:  my gem of a Mother-In-Law wore an ivory gown, with a beaded belt, beaded illusion top, and a freaking train…. My DH even asked if that was his mom in the backgrown of a picture we were looking at… ummm.. no it was ME… the BRIDE (all of those who say everyone knows who the bride is… my HUSBAND wasn’t sure). I said early on that I didn’t think I needed to say it but just don’t wear a shade of white when she and my mom started thinking about dresses and she sort of brushed it off and make a joke… she obviously never cared about what I wanted or how her clearly not caring would make me feel.

And the dress thing was just the start of her turning into a nightmare. She tried getting me to change all sorts of things the week of the wedding just because it suited her better, or she didn’t realize she’d have to start getting ready so early in the day, or needed to be ready and on-site more than 15-20 minutes before the wedding because she wanted to drink by the pool longer. She ended up ditching the pre-paid makeup I arranged and said I’d need to find someone else. The week of the wedding. Anyway, ever since I told her she can’t just adjust all these plans because she thinks it works better for HER since this was planned and set months ago, she hasn’t spoken to me. Not at the rehearsal or dinner, never spoke to me on the wedding day, said I looked nice or welcomed me to the family, and hasn’t said a word to me since. 

If yours is anything like mine… good luck.

Post # 34
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Although she should know better and take you seriously there is probably not much you can do about it.  I really could not have cared less what my Mother-In-Law wore to my wedding, she wanted me to make a big deal and be real picky and dictate what dress for her to wear and I nicely explained to her that she picks her own dress, she got pissed.  Anyway, had she then worn white or ivory it may have annoyed me but not as much as her in general attitude towards me regarding the wedding, so if you have a Mother-In-Law who generally has a pretty good attitude towards you and your wedding then that is much more important than the color of her dress.  Though yes, I can see why you would be annoyed, I mean I thought everyone knew not to wear ivory or white to a wedding but some people I guess don’t – the thing is that you told her and she isn’t listening, which is annoying.  Let us know how it turns out though but if she insists on this then try not to sweat it.

Post # 35
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

Interesting responses here. You have every right to not want her to wear ivory, regardless if it’s tradition that the bride is usually the only one in white or ivory. I don’t think you would be stirring the pot or breaking any ties with her by having a mature conversation with her about you not wanting her to wear that color. You can’t let her go through with it if you aren’t truly happy with it. You just wouldn’t be happy seeing her in that dress! You could ask another relative to talk to her, but if you’re close with her, I think she would understand and respect your feelings about this. Good luck!

Post # 36
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

I know we’re told that it’s taboo, and that we need to care, but … should we really? She’s not going to upstage you or make people confused about who the bride is. Are you offended because it hurts you, or just because you feel like you SHOULD be offended?

I recommend not caring.

Post # 37
Member
4839 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, she may as well wear a big sign that says “idiot”. Let her embarrass herself. 

Post # 38
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
labellaragazza:  Ciao bella ragazza!  I totally get what you’re saying and I would be a little bit taken about it, too. I remember my sister in law’s mother wore white to her daughter’s wedding… and she was the one who walked her down the aisle. I was surprised! But it didn’t phase her.

Don’t worry what others think – if it does not settle well with you, I’d suggest her to wear it at the rehearsal dinner. I’d tell her the truth, say something like, “You look absolutely beautiful in it, but it’s very close to my white dress. Would you be opposed to wearing another color, maybe silver?” And offer to go shopping with her. 

Not sure when your wedding is, but if it’s down the road, you might be able to convince her gently without rushing 🙂

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 12 months ago by LemonColoredLamps. Reason: Edited my Italian! Oh my

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