Post # 1
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 3 years! This is due to technical difficulties, insurance crap, and financial woes. We decided to do a courthouse wedding, since we do not want to spend what little money we have on a wedding when we are happy enough doing it with just our children and parents. My ring is finally almost paid off and we aggreed on a Courthouse ceremony for August 14th. This is the perfect date because it is one week after our sons b-day and one week before school starts. I have a cute courthouse friendly dress that I am altering to fit, since i have lost weight since buying it. I just had a baby last October, so more weight is still coming off.
Our parents live out of state, about 10 hrs away. My mom is pretty flexible of when she can come, but my fiance’s mom asked if we could move the date to October, since that is when she had already planned to visit and the leaves with be changing and she wants to see that.
My problem with this, it that the kids will be in school. We will have to pull them out of school that day to have them be at the courthouse. We would be pushing back the date 3 more months! but whats 3 more months when we have been waiting 3 years. and I dont know how much weight i will have lost by then and my dress would be way too big to even alter. its already pretty large in the bust right now. and it is a summery dress that i plan to wear with a half sleeve cardigan. Not very fall weather friendly. i will probably freeze.
whats everyones opionion on this? fiance really wants his mom there, but our august date seemed to be a perfect fit. now its all on me to decide. if i decide to stick with our original date, his mom may not be able to come. and i look like the asshole.
what would you do?
Post # 3
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
It’s hard to pick a date that pleases everyone. I would stick with August – it seems like the better fit for most of your guests and for your children. I can understand moving the date if it’s for financial or medical reasons, but simply wanting to visit in October to see the leaves change doesn’t hold as much weight to me.
Post # 4
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
If my FI wanted his mother there then I would change it for him. Its just one day of school so I don’t think that is a big deal in regard to the kids. The dress issue is troublesome, but still…
Originally we were going to get married in Hawaii. Just a small ceremony with our parents and closest friends/family. FI’s mother became ill and while she is now okay, there is no way she could endure such a long flight to Hawaii. We changed our entire wedding, cancelled the venue, caterer, etc and pushed our wedding back for a year so that we could plan an entirely new one here in Pa. His parents never asked us to do this, but it is his mother and this is his wedding too. I would have felt horrible going through with it without her there.
Post # 5
Member
12257 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I would tell her that you’re sorry, but your date works better for your family (You, FI, kids), and you really can’t change it (and venemously add in your head “For your leaf-peeping convienence, you giant tool”)
Post # 6
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
@bleusteel: thank you! yeah. fiance didnt even mention any of this to his mom. he just said “ill talk to her about it” so he left it all on me! grr…
Post # 7
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
It’s not hard to pull the kids out of school for one day. If it means your FMIL coming or not coming I say move it back and add some tights to your dress plans and use a warmer cardigan. Most dresses can be taken in 2 full sizes before they start to look odd.
Post # 8
Member
2972 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
If it was important for my FI that she was there, I would definitely move it.
Post # 9
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
I wouldn’t accommodate her. She’s being a pain in the butt because she wants to see some stupid leaves changing colors.
Post # 10
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
@CloverQueen: Did she just recently make this request? Your wedding is 1.5 months away! Just because it is a courthouse wedding shouldn’t make the date any less important; it will still be your wedding anniversary. I would not change the date. How far away does she live? It seems like she’s trying to save money; maybe she could drive instead of flying.
Post # 11
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
If there was no way she could make it and atleast one of us really wanted her there I would change it. I wouldn’t want either of us to truly regret her not being there.
Post # 13
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@CloverQueen: I am usually in favor of accommodating parents if at all possible. However, your MIL’s reasoning isn’t signficiant enough in my mind for you and your FI to switch your date when you have specific reasons why you want the date that you chose.
However, your FI’s feelings about this should be of the utmost importance. If he is willing to change the date to accommodate his mother’s already planned, fall visit, then that is something you may need to consider.
My thought is that there may be room for a different type of accommodation, one that would not require you to change the date.
Since you aren’t planning an expensive wedding, would it be an option for you and your FI to offer to pay to have your FMIL fly in for your wedding in August? If the cost is not too prohibitive, this may be a win-win. You could have your wedding on the date that is best for you. FMIL could attend the wedding in August and could still come for her fall visit to see the leaves, and she wouldn’t have to make the ten-hour drive twice or pay to fly twice in two months.
Would that be an option?
Post # 14
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
it seems as though she can easily come in august, but instead wants to come in october instead because that was in her mind, and she wants to see the leaves? Is that correct OP? If that is the case, then no, i would not change it. If her son was a priority, she would make it work. Demanding a certain month is ridiculous and selfish.
Post # 15
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
Keep your date. Her wanting it changed so she can see the freakin leaves changed…stupid? Send her a box with a shit ton of colored leaves in October that should suffice.
Post # 16
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
No changing, stick with the date you’d planned. For one day (YOUR WEDDING DAY!!!!) it won’t hurt her to be flexible.
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