(Closed) Future SIL and her double standard

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Okay I am totally confused here with all the names and ILs and exes…but what on earth do you have to confront her about? It doesn’t seem like any of this has anything to do with you, so I don’t really get why you’re letting it bother you or stress you out, or why you’d pull yourself into drama over it.

Post # 4
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I don’t think anything will come from confrontation. You’ll just have to accept that she is insecure and isn’t drawing the parallels between your situations. You SHOULD however hang out with Mary if you want to. If she has a problem with it and confronts you about it, THAT would be a good time to bring up the real estate agent. She should be able to be an adult and understand that her Brother-In-Law can be friends with whoever he wants.

Post # 6
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

huh? she can use whoever she wants to buy a house from. Am I miissing something? Has she told you not to have the girl from the volley ball around? why would you confront her about her choice in ‘RE agents? this is all silly based on what you have presented.

Post # 8
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t understand why you don’t just hang out with who you want to, and ignore her. If you want to have Mary over for dinner, or meet her for a Sunday brunch, or happy hour after work, do it.  Why are you letting this woman exert so much control over you? I assume Jane and your Boyfriend or Best Friend aren’t conjoined twins, so I can’t really see what the problem is.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t see how it’s a double standard at all. By inviting them both to the Superbowl party you’re forcing your Future Sister-In-Law and her husband to hang out with his ex. By having your SO’s ex’s Fiance as their real estate agent, you are not affected or made to see or have any sort of contact with his ex in any way. If this is your example of her being a pain…well, I’m sure a lot of girls who have actual problem ILs would be willing to trade! Sorry OP, but it just sounds like looking for drama where there isn’t any to me.

And honestly, the whole chain of your SO’s ex’s Fiance…that is so convoluted that I actually have to slow down and think about it to draw the connection. It’s not even your guy’s ex, it’s his ex’s Fiance. Who is doing his job as a real estate agent. This is the same thing as playing tennis together and attending the same parties how?

Post # 10
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Invite who you want. You don’t need to please anyone. She can get over it. I wouldn’t hide the fact that the ex is coming though. If Future Sister-In-Law has an issue with it and makes a big deal over it you can bring up the double standard in a nice way (and attempt to make it as drama-free as possible). 

Post # 12
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Invite both. If Jane gets mad, point out to her that she spends time with Vicki and that no one minds. She will have no grounds to be upset. 

Post # 13
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think it’s your house, your rules. if she says something confront it head on and tell her to cut it out.

Post # 14
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MeiFrancis:  +1 Dont allow Jane to dictate who you should be friends with….She is so high schoolish to me..

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