Future SIL announced pregnancy same day I announced I had to cancel my wedding

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Just wanted to say I think I would be a little hurt too. Obviously it doesn’t seem like a slight, but I’m sure it stings to have such happy news for other people announced when you’ve just shared something so hard.

Obviously I understand you’re going to be excited for the baby, but I get it. I dunno, if it were me being the pregnant one, I probably would have held off a couple days or so, but who knows their reasoning. Like others have said, if they have always been loving and kind to you, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Hugs, bee!

Post # 62
Member
10 posts
Newbee

From the perspective of someone who spent years trying to have a successful pregnancy…

They were supposed to be in the wedding and they waited an incredibly long time to annouce the pregnancy, knowing that it would affect their ability to be in said wedding. My assumption would be that there’s more to their story than is known. That is a long time to wait to inform people. There’s probably a reason why.

And from their perspective, they probably had thought for a long time about when to tell people, had decided on the day…and could be easily upset that OP crapped on their day as well.

Post # 63
Member
792 posts
Busy bee

Personally, I think the timing is really bizarre. I can’t imagine hearing bad news from a family member, whether that be job loss, an offer on a house being denied, a family member involved in a minor car accident, or canceling a wedding (which is a big deal, despite what others above have said), and then an hour later gathering the family again to share my happy news. I just don’t understand why they couldn’t give a day or two in between.

OP, has anything transpired since that may shed light on why they had to share that particular day? If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have shared that day as the expectant couple first and foremost to be courteous to the couple who had to cancel their wedding, but also because I would want the day I share to be a happy day, or at least an uneventful one, not one where unfortunate news was just shared to the same group and I know everyone is scrambling mentally and financially to figure things out. 

Post # 64
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@averagegirl:  I think you’re being a little harsh here to the OP by using language such as, “get over it.” I’m not saying you have to agree with how the OP feels in this situation but everyone feels different emotions about different things and often gets their feelings hurt over different things. OP came to an anonymous online forum to express her thoughts. It wasn’t like she was creating a scene with her SIL. I’m sure she is happy to have a niece/nephew on the way she is just sad that they couldn’t wait more than 2 seconds to announce it. Your response also has a sense of she is just an in law therefore doesn’t have a right to her feelings or to be upset because after all SIL is announcing her pregnancy to her OWN mother/father/bro.

 

Well OP was also announcing her own disappointment to people that are also very well her family. A family she wasn’t born into but marrying into. Again it wasn’t even like OP mentioned the wedding being canceled that morning and SIL announced the pregnancy that evening. That I could even say ehhhh…ok may be. This was an hour later which is so close to when OP made her announcement it almost seems fishy at that point. There are 24 hours in a day she chose that hour…really? Like I stated before let’s not play problem Olympics where we judge if someone’s problems are big enough to be allowed to have feelings about. 

Post # 65
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

I don’t understand how postponing a wedding, weeks into a pandemic like this became an “announcement”. I doubt it was actually news to anyone that it was being postponed…

I can understand making an announcement to other guests, to    extended family and friends, but to immediate family? Would this not have been an on going discussion since lockdown/social distancing have been in place…? I’m finding it so hard to believe that nothing has been said to  immediate family over the past few weeks and this actually came as “news.”

Post # 66
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@cadydid:  Well sorry I guess OP’s psychic powers must have been broken that day in order for her not to know ahead of time that her SIL was going to announce her pregnancy, therefore “crapping” all over her good news. 😏

Post # 67
Member
13 posts
Newbee

OP, it sounds like you viewed this as a formal announcement to your families, the way people announce pregnancies or engagements.  Is it possible that your Future In-Laws already assumed the wedding would be postponed, and you and your fiancé were just confirming what they already knew or suspected?  If you look at it that way, you can be a lot more charitable to your SIL sharing her news the same day.  She may not have viewed this as competing “announcements” at all.  

And to echo @pocahontas28, is it possible that your fiancé has been sharing the potential postponement with his family as the situation developed?  It wouldn’t be a big news announcement in that case.

Post # 68
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

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soexcited123 :  on a totally unrelated note, I’m always 2 or 3 lines into your posts when i think “Oh that sounds like soexcited123” and I scroll back up to see who wrote post and I’m always right! This post I got it in one line!

Post # 69
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I can’t help but think that these responses are likely from people who are already married/aren’t engaged/aren’t due to marry this year, so on. Because if you were a 2020 bride worried about postponing or cancelling, you would 100% get it. How are y’all going to belittle OP and write off something people get told is “the best day of their lives”? Honestly, it’s sad to see the lack of support towards her. To those who are saying it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to people during this time that someone would be postponing, why? It’s not tomorrow. It’s 5 months away. And I’m sure the reality of speaking it out loud as an announcement was a very sobering thing for OP. 

It sounds like the SIL was maybe worried to announce because she wasn’t sure how to tell OP she couldn’t participate in the wedding. But, then when they cancelled, she felt a weight lifted. She is rude as hell to have announced hour(s) later. Let OP mourn the loss of her initial dreams for God’s sake. And if you don’t understand that, you’re the insensitive ones. Plus, those of you who think you would act differently or be only excited for your SIL in that moment are more than likely fooling yourselves. Yalls shit stinks too. 

Post # 70
Member
13 posts
Newbee

FWIW, I also postponed a wedding this year.  It sucked and I feel for the many couples in the same boat as me.  It also felt like a strange sense of relief to pull the trigger on the decision and stop worrying.  At this point, I assume most summer and early fall events aren’t happening this year.  

I think a lot of commenters are trying to offer a different POV here to help OP understand that SIL may not have acted out of malice.  Sometimes it’s not easy to give someone the benefit of the doubt when we’re hurt.

Post # 71
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
cadydid :  I wonder about the pregnancy too. I bled through my second pregnancy and had constant fear that I’d miscarried. I didn’t expect my baby to make it but she did. I wouldn’t want to upset anyone, but I honestly don’t think I’d have even considered how much my joy, when I knew she was okay and I could share my news, would have impacted someone else. I’d have been sensitive to a pregnancy loss or a death and I was, my sister had a miscarriage. But a rightly or wrongly, a rescheduled wedding would not have compared.

Post # 72
Member
5750 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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@pocahontas28:  You’re not alone!

Post # 73
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Choosing a day to make a bad news “announcement” like this just means you wanted a pity party. I’m sorry OP didn’t get what she wanted but that’s why this post is divisive… some people find that impulse relatable and others don’t. 

Post # 74
Member
2285 posts
Buzzing bee

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averagegirl :  I think it’s really disingenuous to flippantly say “get over it” to someone who had to postpone a wedding because of the pandemic. Doesn’t matter that many are having to do it…its still really shitty. I don’t know you at all but my guess is you wouldn’t be so cavalier if it was your wedding that you’d been planning and anticipating for ages and now had to be postponed for who knows how long. Even if you literally wouldn’t care at all (doubtful!), you could still show some sensitivity to others in this difficult spot. 

Post # 75
Member
3869 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

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glitterati :  agreed. It’s a crappy situation for sure but I can’t imagine the family needed more than an hour to be sad about the postponement before moving on to other things. 

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