Future SIL announced pregnancy same day I announced I had to cancel my wedding

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 91
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@coffeecakez:  You stated if the brother was upset about the wedding being postponed then it would be insensitive but not if the SIL is upset? Your logic was that the SIL should be able to announce her pregnancy to her own parents/brother whenever she wanted, right? That a postponed wedding shouldn’t effect that. Well even if her brother was upset about the wedding being postponed wouldn’t your logic still be that the SIL has the right to announce to her parents whenever? I just don’t get why the SIL’s feelings don’t matter simply because she is marrying in.

Post # 92
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

 

View original reply
@soexcited123:   If you don’t understand why a sister might delay news to her own parents about her own pregnancy based on her own brother being seriously devastated about something but not based on her future SIL being merely bummed/sad about that same thing, I can’t help you. 

Post # 93
Member
963 posts
Busy bee

busybride44 :  So I think there’s some nuance here that many bees are missing and perhaps you could clarify. Is your wedding cancelled or rescheduled? Pretty much everyone who is claiming this is NBD is like “oh well your wedding is rescheduled” but I think that if you’ve made the choice to cancel your wedding, and are now telling friends and family that something you were all looking forward to is not happening AT ALL, to me that is news that deserves to be recognized. If you’re postponing a few months, sure I tend to agree with PPs who think SIL might not have seen it as an “announcement” as much as just some casual convo, but a wedding cancellation is a bigger deal IMO and I think she should have waited a day or two.

TLDR: OPs wedding is CANCELLED not postponed and that is definitely different/bigger news

Post # 94
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@coffeecakez:  Well, if you cant understand why someone should care about the feelings of someone marrying into their family as well and not think about how they might feel than I can’t help you. You should care about others feelings beside just your family. 

Post # 95
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@dianaj17:  Bur you have to remember the SIL isn’t family enough to count.

Post # 96
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

View original reply
@butterflybee43:  just because someone invites others to their pity party doesn’t mean others are obligated to attend.

No one is saying that the wedding postponement is irrelevant or unimportant, or that OP doesn’t have every right to feel shitty Scott having to reschedule. It sucks! It sucks to have your plans thrown out the window because of something you have no control over.

What people, or at least I think, is that the family doesn’t need 24 hours to feel sad about it. It’s unfortunate but they absorbed the information, acknowledged that it sucked and then went on about their day. How long are they supposed to mourn an event that is still going to take place? It’s not as if OP cancelled the wedding and ended the relationship.

She will have a lovely wedding with friends and family, it will just be later than was originally planned. Again that sucks, but a whole day isn’t needed for the family to “adjust” to the date change. 

I’d also like to add that SIL sharing her news doesn’t mean that OP cannot still talk to her family or future in-laws about her disappointment. If her goal was to inform everyone that the wedding was going to be delayed, she accomplished that. If her goal was to have everyone be super sad about it for a few days, well she couldn’t guarantee that was going to occur anyway.

Post # 97
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@soexcited123:  now you’ve got it! Finally after months if not years of issues with in laws youre beginning to understand! Haha

 

In all seriousness you still have a lot  of issues to overcome surrounding In laws and families and relationships..

I would hold back big news of mine from my parents if I thought it would hurt my sister. I would NEVER hold back big news from my parents just because it might annoy my sister’s boyfriend/fiance that he didnt get enough attention from my family about an “announcement”. He could go to his own  family if he wanted extra sympathy.

Post # 98
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@pocahontas28:  But what if your sister’s fiance/bf/husband came from a broken family or considered your family just as much as his own? I just don’t understand why you can make that determination that OP may consider her in laws her support system and it isn’t up to the SIL to tell OP that her parents can’t be her support system. I mean from these boards along we should know that being born into a family doesn’t automatically mean they are a top support system. Lots of people do consider in laws a support system and are close to them. It just seems like a lot of people are saying her feelings shouldn’t matter AT ALL because she isn’t born into the family…

Post # 99
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee

I’m more on Team SIL, here.  I highly doubt the cancelled/postponed wedding announcement was a shock to anyone, and while it’s sad, it’s not the sort of thing where I’d expect everyone to put their life and announcements and news on hold for an appropriate period of collective mourning and grief.  

Plus, most of us are capable of feeling multiple emotions at once.  One can be sad or disappointed for an engaged couple due to a postponed wedding due to a pandemic while simultanously feeling joy or happiness for a couple who are expecting a baby.  

Your SIL also needs emotional support from her family right now, given she is going to be pregnant and likely giving birth during COVID restrictions.  She’s probably freaked out at the prospect that she, her husband, or the baby could get sick… wondering if her husband will be able to be with her during childbirth…  Sad that her family likely won’t get to meet the baby in person for quite some time…  wondering if there will be a 2nd wave this fall.  

And honestly, would a 24 hour delay have even made you feel better? 

Post # 100
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Ok so before when i read this I thought it was a sister in law, telling the OP’s family about a pregnancy, so the people being told were the OP’s parents, and thats why the ire, which was also why I was like, “be mad at your brother dude”.

But in reality it’s that the future SIL is telling her own parents and extended family, on the same day that her brother announced his wedding is postponed that she’s been pregnant for 4 months and is due in 5?

I really agree its mayyyybe a bit tacky, but also for all we know she was planning to announce on this specific day for months, and meanwhile the OP and her Fiance have been hemming and hawing about postponing for weeks and picked an hour or two before this announcement and the SIL and her partner are like “ugh, do we move this because my brother’s wedding isn’t happening?” For all we know she’s sitting at home being like “my brother and future SIL busted into my pregnancy announcement day to do this wedding postponment announcement, can I feel annoyed they brought down the mood of my happy day that I really needed” and some other website forum is telling her to let it go because no one has suprise news dibs.

In this case, OP, did you get to commiserate in an uninterrupted way with your own relatives and friends?  Is your fiance less upset than you are? I dunno. It doesn’t sound like she stepped on your time with your own aunts and grandma and cousins, she’s telling her primary family that you’re marrying into and my rule of thumb is take the lead from the person who is actually from that family.

So if your future spouse is like “ugh, Cindy is so tacky”, then sure maybe with context, this is part of a pattern that you’re justified in finding annoying. But if your fiance is like “oh cool I’m going to be an uncle, how nice to have some good news during a bad day!” I think you gotta take his lead there. And maybe if your grief over cancelling is extreme and this is the thing its focused on, then maybe you need to have like….an “unshower” or “unbachelorette” or something where everyone you need to emotionally support you gets on Zoom and just gives you a chance to let it out and mark the sadness. Its not wrong to feel sad, I just think with the context that its your SIL telling her parents, I really find it harder to feel like she did anything wrong.

Post # 101
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
@soexcited123:  “But what if your sister’s fiance/bf/husband came from a broken family or considered your family just as much as his own?”

Bee, this is really silly. It makes no difference what the non-blood-related person feels or thinks; the fact remains that there are parents with their blood children, the child who came out of her mother’s body. That relationship is more often MUCH closer than a relationship between that parent and her child-in-law. No one is saying that in-laws can’t be close or think of each other as close family and so forth, but people are saying that a child does NOT have to wait to tell her parents that she’s pregnant because of a fiance who is absolutely not a part of the family in the same way. 

Post # 102
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@19mattituck:  But eve if her fiance isn’t bothered by it the OP is still entitled to be annoyed by it. She doesn’t need fiance’s permission to feel annoyed. She can have her own feelings separate from his

Post # 103
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
@soexcited123:  “But eve if her fiance isn’t bothered by it the OP is still entitled to be annoyed by it.”

Did someone say that OP WASN’T entitled to be annoyed? And if so, is that the majority perspective on this thread? 

Post # 104
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think any amount of explaining or reasoning with soexcited123 will do any good. She has a real bee in her bonnet about this topic…

Post # 105
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This has really taken a turn towards fanfic about OP’s family dynamics. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors