(Closed) Future SIL Wedding Before Me…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1309 posts
Bumble bee

OMG, you get one day. ONE DAY. She can do what she wants with her wedding, you can do what you want. No one is forcing you to spend money on her wedding.

And how much thunder do you need, exactly? 

Post # 3
6628 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m going to ignore the tantrumy part of this – I’m sure you know how it sounds and you’ll live.

Regarding spending the money, you have every right in the world to say no to anything you don’t agree with.  She can’t spend your money and she must realize a lot of what you save will go to your own wedding.  If she can’t handle that, then I’d just suggest stepping down and citing the weddings being too close for you to participate as she would like with ease.  She’ll live and in that case it would be no loss.

I don’t think it’s a big deal at all not to share ideas – there are a few gals here complaining when people ‘steal’ aspects of their wedding.  You don’t have to tell her anything.  If she asks for details, just say you’re still up in the air on whatever it is.  Heck, tell her you want it to be a surprise and don’t want her second guessing her own choices by comparison (or you for that matter).

I don’t think you need to explain anything to your fiance unless you’ve been grumpy with no reason.  He is surely capable of understanding financial issues at the very least.  Stop thinking about her wedding and start thinking of your own.  You’ll be more excited if you don’t dwell on the timing and such.

Post # 4
3455 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You have got to let this go. All of it. For your sanity and for the sanity of those around you. Just plan your wedding and keep it moving.

Post # 5
176 posts
Blushing bee

No one is stealing your thunder by getting engaged several weeks after you.  Your wedding will be one of the most special days of your life, regardless of anything else that goes on with anyone else’s wedding.  On the flip side: your wedding will be fun for your guests, but it’s not really all that special to them (except maybe your parents).  It’s helpful to be honest with yourself about that in order to keep perspective.   It doesn’t matter at all if your SIL has elements at her wedding that are similar to yours.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  junkbee.
Post # 6
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Don’t share wedding details with her. That will reduce feelings that she’s stealing ideas (she’s not) or is trying to top yours. When she asks, just say it’s a surprise. 

I’m not even going to address the stealing of thunder.

Post # 7
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

courtneylittle:  I think you need to grow up. 

They “stole” your “thunder”? “It was awful”? Puh-lease. She didn’t Tonya Harding your ass. A committed couple that have been together longer than you and your dude moved forward with their relationship without your permission. How dare they.

Be upfront about what you can and cannot afford as a bridesmaid. You don’t have to spend money on her wedding, she is not holding a gun to your head. Your ideas are not so breathtakingly original that she’s going to “steal” them, and you’re just going to have to get over the fact that most wedding-related Pinterest boards have a lot of the same stuff on them these days. There are going to be similarities and no one will notice or care.

You need to get your bitterness under control. This person is going to be in your life presumably until one of you dies or gets divorced, so finding excuses to hate her now isn’t doing you any favors.

Post # 8
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ironmaidelah:  +1 to all this.

Dial it back, girlfriend. She’s not trying to personally spite you and ruin your time. Let it go, enjoy planning your own wedding and stop obsessing over her.

Post # 9
13677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Let it go.  You have one day.  Set a budget for what you will spend on her wedding, and let her know what your budget is (you should be getting budgets from your girls as well).  Enjoy your planning, be happy for your Future Sister-In-Law, and try not to be so bitter and jealous. 

Post # 10
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Also, how old are you? Have there been a lot of weddings and engagements in your social circle? 

Post # 11
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

“Sorry SIL – you know how expensive weddings are! I won’t be able to attend X, Y or Z events.”

Then, take a deep breath. If you can’t afford to spend $ on her, then don’t. But don’t resent her for it.

Post # 13
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Of all the worries in life… get a grip

Post # 14
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

were getting married the same day as you and my Brother-In-Law is getting married in April… we have no hard feelings


I think this is all crazy… they have been together much longer than you so maybe you’re stealing THEIR thunder?

If you had waited patiently since high school to take this step and then have a bratty inlaw  moaning after waiting only 2 years that you ‘stole her thunder’ how would you feel? I mean its just as crazy as what your suggesting so

Post # 15
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Let it go. Focus on your wedding. If she wants a lavish fancy wedding with all the extras, it’s her wedding and her choice. If you’re upset at her choices because of the cost or you’d rather spend that money on your own wedding or can’t afford to be in the wedding party, just be honest with her and drop out. 

conparison is the thief of joy. Just focus on planNing a wonderful wedding you and your fiancé will remember and enjoy 🙂

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