Post # 1
Ok Bee’s, I’ve been stewing over all this for some time. Here is a little back story and I just need some hints to help deal with all this madess going forward:
My Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law have been together for much longer than my Fiance and I. They are highschool sweethearts. I have been with my fiance two years and he proposed to me on 11/6/2015. They got engaged just a few short weeks (Thanksgiving 2015) after us and I was a pretty peeved about the whole stealing our thunder. It was awful. I had the hardest time pushing my angst aside. When we all got together it faded and I realized how fun it could be.
It’s not June 2016 and she has set their date (May 20, 2017) and I have set mine (September 9, 2017). We’ve gotten quite close. I am a bridesmaid and she is as well. We have shared our hopes and dreams for our weddings but she has really been kind of all over the place. Now that she has honed in what she wants she is making forward progress and I have suddenly become quite resentful once again. I don’t want to share any of my ideas for fear she will steal them. I am angry over the fact that I have to spend money on her wedding while planning mine and she expects quite a bit from her bridal party and groomsmen. In contrast to what I am hoping for from mine, it’s a lot. She wants the Jack and Jill done for her along with a Bachelorette party…and I’m sure her mother will be doing a shower of sorts.
I just need some encouragement overall and some advice on explaining all this bad feeling to my fiance wouldn’t hurt either. He wants to be exited for his brother and for us but I feel like I just can’t help being preterbed by all these little things and clueing him in to how frustrating it is.
Post # 2
OMG, you get one day. ONE DAY. She can do what she wants with her wedding, you can do what you want. No one is forcing you to spend money on her wedding.
And how much thunder do you need, exactly?
Post # 3
I’m going to ignore the tantrumy part of this – I’m sure you know how it sounds and you’ll live.
Regarding spending the money, you have every right in the world to say no to anything you don’t agree with. She can’t spend your money and she must realize a lot of what you save will go to your own wedding. If she can’t handle that, then I’d just suggest stepping down and citing the weddings being too close for you to participate as she would like with ease. She’ll live and in that case it would be no loss.
I don’t think it’s a big deal at all not to share ideas – there are a few gals here complaining when people ‘steal’ aspects of their wedding. You don’t have to tell her anything. If she asks for details, just say you’re still up in the air on whatever it is. Heck, tell her you want it to be a surprise and don’t want her second guessing her own choices by comparison (or you for that matter).
I don’t think you need to explain anything to your fiance unless you’ve been grumpy with no reason. He is surely capable of understanding financial issues at the very least. Stop thinking about her wedding and start thinking of your own. You’ll be more excited if you don’t dwell on the timing and such.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
You have got to let this go. All of it. For your sanity and for the sanity of those around you. Just plan your wedding and keep it moving.
Post # 5
No one is stealing your thunder by getting engaged several weeks after you. Your wedding will be one of the most special days of your life, regardless of anything else that goes on with anyone else’s wedding. On the flip side: your wedding will be fun for your guests, but it’s not really all that special to them (except maybe your parents). It’s helpful to be honest with yourself about that in order to keep perspective. It doesn’t matter at all if your SIL has elements at her wedding that are similar to yours.
Post # 6
Don’t share wedding details with her. That will reduce feelings that she’s stealing ideas (she’s not) or is trying to top yours. When she asks, just say it’s a surprise.
I’m not even going to address the stealing of thunder.
Post # 7
courtneylittle: I think you need to grow up.
They “stole” your “thunder”? “It was awful”? Puh-lease. She didn’t Tonya Harding your ass. A committed couple that have been together longer than you and your dude moved forward with their relationship without your permission. How dare they.
Be upfront about what you can and cannot afford as a bridesmaid. You don’t have to spend money on her wedding, she is not holding a gun to your head. Your ideas are not so breathtakingly original that she’s going to “steal” them, and you’re just going to have to get over the fact that most wedding-related Pinterest boards have a lot of the same stuff on them these days. There are going to be similarities and no one will notice or care.
You need to get your bitterness under control. This person is going to be in your life presumably until one of you dies or gets divorced, so finding excuses to hate her now isn’t doing you any favors.
Post # 8
ironmaidelah: +1 to all this.
Dial it back, girlfriend. She’s not trying to personally spite you and ruin your time. Let it go, enjoy planning your own wedding and stop obsessing over her.
Post # 9
Let it go. You have one day. Set a budget for what you will spend on her wedding, and let her know what your budget is (you should be getting budgets from your girls as well). Enjoy your planning, be happy for your Future Sister-In-Law, and try not to be so bitter and jealous.
Post # 10
Also, how old are you? Have there been a lot of weddings and engagements in your social circle?
Post # 11
“Sorry SIL – you know how expensive weddings are! I won’t be able to attend X, Y or Z events.”
Then, take a deep breath. If you can’t afford to spend $ on her, then don’t. But don’t resent her for it.
Post # 13
Of all the worries in life… get a grip
Post # 14
were getting married the same day as you and my Brother-In-Law is getting married in April… we have no hard feelings
I think this is all crazy… they have been together much longer than you so maybe you’re stealing THEIR thunder?
If you had waited patiently since high school to take this step and then have a bratty inlaw moaning after waiting only 2 years that you ‘stole her thunder’ how would you feel? I mean its just as crazy as what your suggesting so
Post # 15
Let it go. Focus on your wedding. If she wants a lavish fancy wedding with all the extras, it’s her wedding and her choice. If you’re upset at her choices because of the cost or you’d rather spend that money on your own wedding or can’t afford to be in the wedding party, just be honest with her and drop out.
conparison is the thief of joy. Just focus on planNing a wonderful wedding you and your fiancé will remember and enjoy 🙂