(Closed) Future SIL’s dress inappropriate?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would have a problem with it. I know that’s not helpful, but I can’t help it. Although if your dress is white white then it could be ok. You still have plenty of time until your wedding, maybe you two could go dress shopping together? I gave my family and his family a color scheme. I said it was for the pictures and I’m very gald I did.

Good luck. And my mom almost ordered a dress the exact same color as mine, she just didn’t think about it. It is possible your Future Sister-In-Law isn’t thinking she is crossing a line.

Post # 4
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

That seems really inappropriate to me.  It would be different if it were a short, casual dress.  Hopefully your Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law can talk her out of it?

 

Post # 5
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hm. That’s a little too bridal for my taste. Is your wedding a formal, black-tie event? I mean, in that case it seems like a floor length gown would be okay, but it’s strange that she would choose something so close to ivory…since she’s been the bride before, it’d seem she’d be pretty clear on etiquette like this…perhaps she’s not consciously trying to upstage you, but she might still want to attract attention. Anyway, I’d make your reservations known to your Future Mother-In-Law and she can hint to Future Sister-In-Law to get something a little more appropriately colored.

Post # 6
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think if your wedding is quite formal it’s not a problem.  If it’s not, maybe someone could talk to her about it being simply too fancy, without having the awkward "you look like you want to be the bride" talk.

Post # 7
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

What the french?  the other ladies that have commented are much more understanding than me.  If anyone shows up in ivory, cream, champagne, etc, they should expect not to be in any pictures.  I’m being petty and childish about it and i dont care…maybe you can ask her nicely is she’d be more comfortable in a different color?

Post # 8
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

WOW i’d be pissed. not a particularly helpful comment, I know, but I did want to chime in and show some support!  WAY inappropriate.

Post # 9
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’m non-plussed by the dress. If it’s a formal wedding, then I think it would be fine. But if it’s more casual, then I would be more concerned that she’s overdressing so much than with the color.

Post # 10
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m a fairly relaxed bride to be– so the dress itself doesn’t bother me. I can see where ordering it in champagne could push the line a bit. I would call her up and talk to her… maybe it didn’t occur to her that it would be offensive to you– or maybe (just maybe) this particular champagne is more gold or brown?! I like the pink in the picture alot– you could alway encoruage her to go for a different color. Good Luck!

Post # 11
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

If your Future Sister-In-Law was still in her teens or really young or anything, then I would have extended the benefit of the doubt that she just doesn’t know. But she got married two years ago. She KNOWS that its not ok to show up in something bride-y. I would be pissed off for sure, it would not be a good scene. I like to think I’m fairly laid back but I would lose it if my Future Sister-In-Law pulled this. Your options, In My Humble Opinion, are to have someone else talk to her like your Maid/Matron of Honor or Fiance.

My Maid/Matron of Honor was married about a year and a half ago, she had an Indian wedding and wore a red lengha…and her SIL who had gotten married three months before came to the wedding in HER red wedding lengha, complete with all the jewelry she wore on the day of as well. It would be like another girl coming to your wedding in wedding dress, veil and clutching a bouquet.

Post # 12
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Personally I don’t think that’s an appopriate dress for your Future Sister-In-Law to wear to your wedding — way too close to a wedding dress In My Humble Opinion.  (Has anyone seen the episode of The Office about Phyllis’s wedding?  That dress looks a lot like the one Kelly wore to Phyllis’s wedding!) But it’s probably not worth starting a battle over.  Even if she’s trying to relive her bridal days, it’s not her wedding, and everyone there will know who’s the bride no matter what Future Sister-In-Law is wearing!

Post # 13
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I know I’m in the minority here, but I honestly don’t care if other people (except for maybe the mothers) wear some shade of white.  I can definitely see how it might bother people, but I figure I could wear a gunny sack and people will STILL know I’m the bride.  But that’s just me. 

If you’re wearing white and it’s a deeper champagne I wouldn’t worry about it.  If the colors are closer than that and the style of dress is appropriate (formality wise) I would have someone (her mom or maybe even your FI) suggest a different color.  Brown would look lovely and it’s likely to go with her coloring if champagne looks good. 

Post # 14
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

OMG melissa8 that was my first thought exactly about Kelly in the Office. I think all brides should watch that episode 🙂

Post # 15
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I see why you would be concerned, but I think that she’s just going to look silly.  Everyone will know that you are the bride, not her, and if the wedding isn’t black tie, then she will just look painfully overdressed.  I hate conflict and confrontation, so if it were me, I would just let her wear what she wants and know that she’s going to look silly.

Post # 16
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s the most appropriate choice, but probably not worth making a stink over.  I am sure that it will raise eyebrows with other guests (perhaps catty, but true!). 

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