(Closed) Future SILs not in wedding?

posted 13 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i agree as well….. my Fiance has 1 sister and 1 brother. i want a small wedding party ( only 2 bridesmaids/2 groomsmen). his brother is his best man, my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, and then we’ll each have a close friend as the other bridesmaid/groomsmen….his sister is not in the wedding party. i’m thinking we could include her by passing out programs and bringing the Gifts to the altar at mass. we are not very close so i think she would be surprised if i had asked her.

Post # 33
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m in a really similar situation, and I think it’s perfectly fine not to ask them. I’ll have 8 bridesmaids already without any of his sisters, so maybe they will do readings or something instead.

Post # 34
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m much closer with my 6 bridesmaids than I am with my fiance’s sister, so I decided to go with my close friends. Since my brother passed away last year, it’s not like I had a sibling to reciprocate with. But it worked out nicely because with me having 6 bridesmaids and the fiance only being able to come up with 5 groomsmen, he asked his sister to be a groomswoman and she was thrilled!

Post # 35
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve thought about this too. I’m pretty close with one of my FI’s SIL, but not his sister or other SIL (all of which are 5+ years older than me). I came to the conclusion that I’m going to stay with friends that are my age (I don’t have any close in age cousins or sisters), so as to not cause a stir by asking the SIL but not the sister. They all have kids anyways, and are really busy. 

Really it just comes down to who you want standing up there next to you on your wedding day.

My Fiance is having one of my brothers (I have two) as one of his groomsman, but not the other one. He’s pretty close with the one he asked, and we’re having the other be an usher. It’s all your opinion and what makes you guys happy.  

Post # 36
Member
1563 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it is your wedding and you should do what you want. I don’t think sibling status should automatically make someone a member of the wedding party.

However, my Future Mother-In-Law blew up (literally crying) when we asked his 4 year old brother, but not his 6 year old brother too, to serve as our ring bearer. We only wanted one ring bearer, not two. She didn’t understand that. Now we’re both so aphrensive to bring the issue back up that we’re just waiting until closer to the wedding. 

But if you aren’t asking any of them, I think they’d be more understanding. 

Post # 37
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m having my Future Sister-In-Law in the wedding…but I only have one, so it wasn’t a big deal to include her even though we aren’t that close.  

Post # 38
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Update! After all the going back and forth… my fiance’s mom actually sort of broke down to me and explained how important it is to them that we incorporate our families as much as possible. It made me realize that she’s right and friends come and go, but your family is what makes you who you are. It is really important to my fiance’s parents to have their daughters included in the wedding and I almost feel embarrassed that I threw a fit about it. I am happy to include them and there is something really special about having them be there with me on my big day! Plus, they are really cool girls and I love them alot so its all good!

Post # 39
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

You are definitely fine not asking them to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Your BMs should be defined as the females that are closest to you. Not the females that you feel obligated to include.

If you would still like them to have a part, I would designate other "tasks" for them. For example, manning the guestbook and gift table, or letting them host a shower for you.  

Post # 40
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If I were you, I wouldn’t have them in your wedding.

Post # 41
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I was in this situation and I am having his two sisters do readings.  I think they are happy about that (at least I haven’t heard different). 

Don’t feel any pressure to choose your bridal party!  This was such horrible fight that seemed to last for months.   I think we made the best choice in the long run in which they still feel apart of the wedding.

 

Post # 42
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If your fiance had one sister he was really close to, then I could see asking her.  But since there are so many, and you already have a large bridal party, then I don’t think you should feel obligated to ask them.  I agree with other posters who suggest asking his two real sisters (not SILs) to do a reading at the ceremony, or to share their talents in another area.

If you feel comfortable inviting them along to a wedding appointment, whether it’s for your dress or for your invitations, I bet they’d really love that.  Even if you just talked to them about your wedding details and asked for their advice now and then, I am sure that would mean a lot, too.  Just making them feel special and included can go a long way!

Post # 43
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

From what I understand, the general rule in picking BMs is to pick the people closest to you at the time of the wedding.  I have had a friend since childhood but she lives in florida and I live in Seattle, so the distance has obviously made our friendship less intense than it once was.  I have girls here with whom I am very close, and so I chose them instead. It’s nothing personal against my best friend, it’s just that we aren’t as close right now, she’s never met my fiance, she doesn’t know my friends, etc.  I think that picking your BMs is all about having a fun group together.  It should never be an obligation to anyone.

I think a great way to include the SILs would be to write each of them a special card on the day of the wedding about how happy you are to have them as sisters and be a part of the family, etc.  🙂

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