Future Sister In Law-Advice Needed!!!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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future_mrs_juarez :  If she didn’t have any interest being a bridesmaid, are you sure she would care to be involved in any way other than just being a guest?

Post # 4
Member
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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future_mrs_juarez :  if she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid and she is a dramatic type of person, I’d imagine that forcing her into some made up role would just annoy her and make her more likely to cause problems. 

Post # 5
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Unless you want to give a dramatic woman guestbook duties, I would go ahead and allow her to attend as a guest only, no title. 

What does your fiancé think about it? 

Post # 6
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

So she declined the bridesmaid role (rather ungraciously!), but you’re thinking she’d still like to do something behind the scenes? Why do you think this – is she shy or something? Just trying to understand where she’s coming from becaues it certainly seems like you covered your bases by extending the bridesmaid invite! 

Post # 7
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

She doesn’t want to be involved. Leave her be. She can go manufacture her drama somewhere that isn’t your bridal party.

Post # 8
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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future_mrs_juarez :  Is she young? If she’s the type of person to stir up drama I would not want her involved in my wedding party whatsoever, it’s likely she’ll do the same thing even if you give her “something to do”. 

You were nice to ask her to be a bridesmaid, she wasn’t interested, I’d let it be.

Post # 9
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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future_mrs_juarez :  You offered her a prime role and she declined. People make up stuff like guestbook attendent etc when they have loved ones who would have preferred to be a bridesmaid. They’re consolation prizes (usually unnecessary imo but that’s neither here nor there). It doesn’t make sense that she’d decline bridesmaid and then be pissy about not being offered a lesser role. Nobody is crowned Miss America and says “no thanks, but I better win Miss Congeniality!”

Plus, even if she is pissy, why reward bad behavior?

Post # 10
Member
7237 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

A couple ways to include her – invite her to wear something that has the “family” colors or a special corsage that identifies her as a member of the family but doesn’t give her any particular task.

Is she generally pretty personable? She could greet/welcome people (or even just greet/welcome family). Is she good in front of people? She could do a reading.

Post # 11
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Why don’t you ask her? (And you might find out from her directly if she really said “Pass.”)

Also, “personal attendant” is a lousy job. Don’t ask your friends and relatives to work at your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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future_mrs_juarez :  I had my FI’s two sisters and my little sister in my bridal party, but he didn’t have my brother.  I got my brother a flower pin the same as I got my dad.  I gave my step mum and grandma corsages too, but they were pin on ones which I think looked nicer.  You could get one of those for his sister? 

You could reserve a seat for her next to her mother in the front row? 

Otherwise I think she’s made it perfectly clear she is happy to attend as a guest.  

Post # 14
Member
4798 posts
Honey bee

What does your fiance say? He knows her better than you do. Are you even friends with her? Because neither of you need to make the other person’s siblings part of your side of the wedding party. Wedding parties don’t have to be segregated by genitalia. Maybe she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. Would she want to stand up on her own brother’s side?

And to that end, have you tried asking her if she would like any role in the wedding besides bridesmaid? Instead of you just assuming she wants to be, and then trying to make stuff up why don’t you just ask her? Or better yet, have her own brother ask her. Because pretty much anything that that you’re going to come up with on your own behind the scenes is pretty much just going to be a job, especially if she didn’t express any desire or interest in helping with that. Not an honor, a job. And I’m pretty sure that if she didn’t want to be your bridesmaid, she probably doesn’t want to be your slave labor either. It needs to either be something she offers, or something like that is actually an honor most likely coming from her actual family member, not just busywork to placate her and keep her out of your hair.

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