(Closed) Future Sister-in-Law as a Bridesmaid? My dilemma…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

If you like her, I probably would. I’d explain to her that your friends are different and tell her that you hope it doesn’t bother her – basically a heads up, perhaps? One of my BMs sounds very similar to your SIL, but she was fine at the Bachelorette. Granted none of us are SUPER drinkers or anything too wild! Lol.

I included who I consider my “FSIL” even though it’s a bit different <– she dates my Brother-In-Law, but they’ve been together almost as long as we have! haha.

 

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would probably add her. It’s much better for her to be included and experience a bit of discomfort than to feel left out and hurt. Plus, you may even get to know her on another level…maybe you just haven’t seen her crazy side yet! 

Post # 5
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Except for certain situations (multiple FSILs, strained relationships) I think it’s always best to include the Future Sister-In-Law. Especially if she has a close relationship with your Fiance.  Ultimately, it’s your wedding so you should do what you think is best, but when it comes to family, I think the best decision is to includer her.

Post # 6
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would definitely ask her! Who cares if she doesn’t drink? I asked mine and she was so touched and it has definitely brought us closer!

Post # 7
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@SakiBombingBride:  I don’t drink, am pretty conservative, and I have/had a BOATLOAD of crazy party girl type friends.  Just because you don’t drink and you may be a bit more conervative doesn’t mean you can’t get along and have fun…just a thought 🙂  If you get along w/ your Future Sister-In-Law and like her, I’d say give it a shot.  The only part where personalties can possibly clash is at your bachelorette…at which point, if your Future Sister-In-Law has a problem, then she’ll just have to deal with it.  It is your wedding/party/events after all 🙂

Post # 8
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Invite her along.  She may let loose and surprise you.  I would however provide an out for her if she feels uncomfortable with any of the bridal activities.

Post # 9
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i think the only wedding related event where that stuff would be an issue would be the bachelorette party. unless your friends plan to have a keg stand competition at the bridal shower 😉 

i think you’ll be fine to include her and she will be ok with your friends. if she is truly not into a traditional bachelorette party, just give her an out!

Post # 10
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Include her!  You never know, she may come out of her shell when out with you and your friends.  I’ve seen that happen, the quite, conservative girl ending up becoming the life and soul of the party regardless if they drink or not.  Why don’t you organize a mani/pedi afternoon with the other BMs so that they meet in a safe situation.  That’s not a crazy party atmosphere and may help her feel a bit more comfortable.

Post # 11
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

If your only hesitation is because of her values– include her! If there is an event she’s not comfortable with, she wont go; it’s that simple.  

Post # 12
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You can ask her to be in your party but tell her she doesn’t have to come to the crazy drinking party events? I’m sure she will just be happy to be in the wedding..and hey maybe you will bring her to the wild side!!

Post # 13
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I say if your only reason to not have her is that she is more conservative then the rest of your girls and doesn’t drink, then I would say have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’m not having my FSILs as BMs nor is my SIL a Bridesmaid or Best Man since I couldn’t have one without the others and there just wasn’t room for 3 more BMs, but we’re using all our nieces and nephews as flower girls and ring bearers.

Post # 14
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think to save the drama, you should probably just add her. I had to have 3 Future Sister-In-Law in my wedding party. None of them came to the bachelorette or bridal shower though. One of them is also still in HS so she couldn’t partake in all the festivities, but it worked out ok.

Post # 15
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I chose my Future Sister-In-Law as a bridesmaid and never looked back!

She is more quiet and shy than the other 3 BMs, who are really loud and crazy, but she surprised me and came out of her shell when she was around them.

Having her as my also Bridesmaid or Best Man really brought us closer together and I feel much closer to her now than I did before.

I think you should go for it! Just because she doesn’t drink, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to have fun!

Post # 16
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

I would definitely ask her to be a bridesmaid.  I know when my brother married and I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid my feelings were a bit hurt.  Although I hadn’t been super close to SIL prior, my brother and I were super close.  I felt left out definitely.  As the others have stated, you will get a chance to get to know her better and I think she would appreciate being included.

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