Post # 1
I am having wedding party issues! Long story short…My fiance and I dated four years ago and split but I remained close with his sister. About a year ago we rekindled, bought a house together, and are planning our wedding! For quite some time now his sister and I have not been close like we once were considering all the problems she caused for us due to her jealousy yet she expects that she will be a bridesmaid in our wedding. I suggested she be a reader or something more low key after he suggested she not be included at all. I know if I dont include her my mother in law to be will be upset but my fiance says this is OUR wedding, not his moms and NOT his sisters. I dont know how to tell her I really dont want her in my wedding without hurting someones feelings. (She even had the audacity to tell everyone at the lunch table before a bridal show about how she thinks we shouldn’t be getting married!)
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I think it’s nice to include sisters/brothers in the wedding party, but never necessary. Question: are any of his other siblings in the wedding? Do you have a brother that will be a groomsman? If so, it might be very hard not to include her in the Wedding Party. If there are no other siblings involved, it might not be so bad, as typically i’ve noticed that opposite sex siblings (meaning, if you are the bride, than your brother wouldn’t be in the WP) not included in wedding parties.
Post # 4
I agree if other family members are in the wedding party it may be easier to have her there as well… you could however ask her to be a hostess…..
Post # 5
As far as family goes, my brother will be his only groomsman and his brother is his best man. My sister in law (brothers wife) is my matron of honor and my cousin and 2 childhood best friends are bridesmaids. I have another close friend I wanted as a bridesmaid but the lineup is already uneven because he doesnt want anyone else standing up for him besides his brother and mine. As it is, my two childhood friends are walking each other down the aisle! (Both females) Also, there are three ring bearers. (Most likely) I have one nephew, he has two. I decided early on to ask all three of them to walk the rings down, just to be fair about it. My nephew will be a ring bearer for sure but we still dont know about his nephews.
Post # 6
Does he have more than one sibling or is it just his brother and sister? If it’s just them I’d say to just let her stand in the wedding. This may be an unpopular view, but I don’t think it’s worth the misery of 50 years of her resentment… But I’m a pushover for things like that lol….
Post # 7
I agree she may really resent you for it by being the only one left out, but for our wedding, DH’s brother in law (the sister’s husband) and cousin were standing on his side while i only had friends on my side. I wasn’t close enough to her to ask her to stand in my wedding. She ended up standing on HIS side and all was well. She was bummed she wasn’t in the wedding, but I also think she completely understood. If you want to include her, I say you put her in a black dress with a sash of some sort that matches your bridesmaid dresses and even it out by having her stand on HIS side. Problem solved, me thinks.
This woman’s going to be in your life for a long long time. I see how you feel right now, but this could really bar you guys from becoming close again. Jealousy is a mean, even thing, but after she grows up a little bit, I hope she feels really ashamed to have said all those things.
Post # 8
Have you asked her if she wants to be in the wedding? If she said you shouldn’t get married she might not want to take part.
Start by having a heart to heart with your Future Mother-In-Law and feel out the situation.
Otherwise, I do think that including everyone except her is a little odd. My Fiance and I went the all or nothing route and we picked no sibilings (we have 7 in total) so no one got jealous. Having her be a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you expect anything out of her. She wouldn’t have to collaborate or participate in everything.
Good luck, tell us how it goes!
Post # 9
So you were close to her, the first time you were dating. Then after you broke up and got back together, for some reason she was jealous? Is that correct? Is she older than your FI? You? The first time you were dating, was she in a relationship? (I’m assuming she isn’t at this point.) Just wondering why she’s jealous of her brother’s relationship.
Do you think you could sit down and talk to her, especially if you were once close to her? Maybe she’s upset because she feels like she’s losing a friend, or someone to comiserate with, if she isn’t paired up right now. Maybe you can get off your chest, that having her be not supportive is concerning, but that otherwise you’d love to have her in the wedding.
Other than that, I’m kind of torn. I usually think it’s a good idea to foster good relationships with the in-laws. We need all the help we can get, right? Who needs people to be that upset with you? However, I think that ladies who can’t behave themselves, and diss the bride and groom, need not apply. Not to mention, from your post, it kind of sounds like, you are a little flexible or unsure. It’s your Fiance who seems to be the most rigid about not having her. Yikes! Hopefully he can battle it all out with his family, without you, if it comes to blows.
Post # 10
She probably feels left out if she’s the only sibling not in the wedding, which could be why she’s saying not so nice things about you. I feel like either way, it’s just not worth the battle if his family is going to be upset with you. You’re starting your life together, which I believe includes joining families, you want to start it off on a good foot.
Post # 11
update…we finally decided to have her be a hostess and my brothers wife (my MOH) talked to both me and FH and told us if any problems arose HE neede to be the one to talk to his mom and sister NOT ME. He said himself he does not care if shes in the wedding at all. So my MOH told him if she threw a fit over being a hostess instead of Bridesmaid or Best Man he needed to take care of it. Well, long story short, we have not brought it up to her yet but I think about it a lot. I am getting to the point where I would just rather not even see her at the wedding but I know I have to shut my mouth and deal with it. She works with me and had for about 2 years now. I am the only person at work who gets along with her and its because I have a mind fram of I HAVE TO! My FH has gotten mad at me twice in the past week because I have let her upset me and did not stand up for myself. The last thing that happened was we were in my office and I was standing so she could sit and I offered her an apple. She said ‘nah’ so I said I have some yogurt too would you like some? She said, ‘ewww’. Then I said ‘Hey, you know how your brother used to not eat yogurt? Well, now he does! He loves it!’ She turned around to look me in the face and say ‘I guess I would too if it was shoved down MY throat’ OMG!!! That was SO UGLY!!! I was speechless. About 19 different things went through my head of what I WANTED to say to her but I DIDN’T! FH was so mad at me for not standing up for myself so later on I text her and told her how it made me feel and she responded with ‘that was no where near your feelings’…After being offended once more I just stpped responding to her texts. I have not seen her since then (2 days ago) and I dread the next time I do. I was told by my boss that she had 3 different people comment to her on how well I handled the situation and kept my cool. (But, had we not been at work…I dunno. lol)
Post # 12
@OP: So, what did you end up doing?
I’m curious to see how things turn out for you because we had a similar situation with my groom’s only sister. I let her be a bridesmaid and now totally regret it.
Post # 13
I’ll keep it short. It’s your day. You and your FH and no one else. Things should be the way you both want them and not the way anyone else does. They had and will have the chance to do the same and have a day just for them and their significant other. Make sure you two are happy with whatever decisions you make for that day. It’s your day. Don’t feel bad.
Post # 14
ehhh its up to you. my mom is literally forcing me to have Future Sister-In-Law in my bridal party. i realllllly realllllllllly dont want her to, but if she isnt, it will be worse in the end. my Future Sister-In-Law is an attention seeker. shes addicted to drugs, tried to kill herself in front of us then told us about it so we took her to the hospital, goes to rehab and leaves and gets into an “accident”. not to mention she hates my other Future Sister-In-Law (BIL’s wife) cuz she is the only one who doesnt deal with her crap! and they are both bridesmaids. Thank God i have Bro in laws wife, she is amazing and has been through the short planning we have started.
i say you do what your comfortable with. if it was up to me, i would have never had his sister in it to begin with. for all i know, she will go psycho on our wedding day and try to ruin it. another Bridesmaid or Best Man says she is in love with Fiance. lol. im serious, you would believe it too if you knew her. good luck!
Post # 15
I wouldn’t have her be a bridesmaid…if she MUST do something, she would be a hostess. I have this thing about weddings. I don’t want anybody standing up for me that’s not 100% supportive of me and my Fiance. For me…that applies to siblings, friends, whoever. It’s not about them necessarily AGREEING with my choices…but more about being supportive of ME once I have made them. Based on that…your FIs sister doesn’t make the cut.
Post # 16
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
My Fiance has a sister and a brother, and I have one brother. My brother is one of the groomsmen, but FI’s sister will not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She will be in the house party. I’m just not close to her, and lucky for me it really wasn’t a big deal (as in she didn’t expect to be one either). Hopefully it will work out for you having her as a hostess!