(Closed) Future sister in law, bridesmaid or not??

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I think it’s nice to include sisters/brothers in the wedding party, but never necessary. Question: are any of his other siblings in the wedding? Do you have a brother that will be a groomsman? If so, it might be very hard not to include her in the Wedding Party. If there are no other siblings involved, it might not be so bad, as typically i’ve noticed that opposite sex siblings (meaning, if you are the bride, than your brother wouldn’t be in the WP) not included in wedding parties.

Post # 4
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree if other family members are in the wedding party it may be easier to have her there as well… you could however ask her to be a hostess…..

Post # 6
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Does he have more than one sibling or is it just his brother and sister?  If it’s just them I’d say to just let her stand in the wedding. This may be an unpopular view, but I don’t think it’s worth the misery of 50 years of her resentment… But I’m a pushover for things like that lol….

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree she may really resent you for it by being the only one left out, but for our wedding, DH’s brother in law (the sister’s husband) and cousin were standing on his side while i only had friends on my side. I wasn’t close enough to her to ask her to stand in my wedding. She ended up standing on HIS side and all was well. She was bummed she wasn’t in the wedding, but I also think she completely understood. If you want to include her, I say you put her in a black dress with a sash of some sort that matches your bridesmaid dresses and even it out by having her stand on HIS side. Problem solved, me thinks.

This woman’s going to be in your life for a long long time. I see how you feel right now, but this could really bar you guys from becoming close again. Jealousy is a mean, even thing, but after she grows up a little bit, I hope she feels really ashamed to have said all those things.

Post # 8
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

Have you asked her if she wants to be in the wedding? If she said you shouldn’t get married she might not want to take part.

Start by having a heart to heart with your Future Mother-In-Law and feel out the situation. 

Otherwise, I do think that including everyone except her is a little odd.  My Fiance and I went the all or nothing route and we picked no sibilings (we have 7 in total) so no one got jealous.  Having her be a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you expect anything out of her.  She wouldn’t have to collaborate or participate in everything.

 

Good luck, tell us how it goes!

Post # 9
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

So you were close to her, the first time you were dating.  Then after you broke up and got back together, for some reason she was jealous?  Is that correct?  Is she older than your FI? You?  The first time you were dating, was she in a relationship?  (I’m assuming she isn’t at this point.)  Just wondering why she’s jealous of her brother’s relationship.

Do you think you could sit down and talk to her, especially if you were once close to her?  Maybe she’s upset because she feels like she’s losing a friend, or someone to comiserate with, if she isn’t paired up right now.  Maybe you can get off your chest, that having her be not supportive is concerning, but that otherwise you’d love to have her in the wedding.

Other than that, I’m kind of torn.  I usually think it’s a good idea to foster good relationships with the in-laws.  We need all the help we can get, right?  Who needs people to be that upset with you?  However, I think that ladies who can’t behave themselves, and diss the bride and groom, need not apply.  Not to mention, from your post, it kind of sounds like, you are a little flexible or unsure.  It’s your Fiance who seems to be the most rigid about not having her.  Yikes!  Hopefully he can battle it all out with his family, without you, if it comes to blows.

Post # 10
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

She probably feels  left out if she’s the only sibling not in the wedding, which could be why she’s saying not so nice things about you. I feel like either way, it’s just not worth the battle if his family is going to be upset with you. You’re starting your life together, which I believe includes joining families, you want to start it off on a good foot.

Post # 12
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2018

@OP: So, what did you end up doing?

I’m curious to see how things turn out for you because we had a similar situation with my groom’s only sister. I let her be a bridesmaid and now totally regret it.

 

Post # 13
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ll keep it short.  It’s your day.  You and your FH and no one else.  Things should be the way you both want them and not the way anyone else does.  They had and will have the chance to do the same and have a day just for them and their significant other.  Make sure you two are happy with whatever decisions you make for that day.  It’s your day.  Don’t feel bad.

Post # 14
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

ehhh its up to you. my mom is literally forcing me to have Future Sister-In-Law in my bridal party. i realllllly realllllllllly dont want her to, but if she isnt, it will be worse in the end. my Future Sister-In-Law is an attention seeker. shes addicted to drugs, tried to kill herself in front of us then told us about it so we took her to the hospital, goes to rehab and leaves and gets into an “accident”. not to mention she hates my other Future Sister-In-Law (BIL’s wife) cuz she is the only one who doesnt deal with her crap! and they are both bridesmaids. Thank God i have Bro in laws wife, she is amazing and has been through the short planning we have started.

 

i say you do what your comfortable with. if it was up to me, i would have never had his sister in it to begin with. for all i know, she will go psycho on our wedding day and try to ruin it. another Bridesmaid or Best Man says she is in love with Fiance. lol. im serious, you would believe it too if you knew her. good luck!

Post # 15
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t have her be a bridesmaid…if she MUST do something, she would be a hostess. I have this thing about weddings. I don’t want anybody standing up for me that’s not 100% supportive of me and my Fiance. For me…that applies to siblings, friends, whoever. It’s not about them necessarily AGREEING with my choices…but more about being supportive of ME once I have made them. Based on that…your FIs sister doesn’t make the cut.

Post # 16
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

My Fiance has a sister and a brother, and I have one brother.  My brother is one of the groomsmen, but FI’s sister will not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  She will be in the house party.  I’m just not close to her, and lucky for me it really wasn’t a big deal (as in she didn’t expect to be one either).  Hopefully it will work out for you having her as a hostess!

The topic ‘Future sister in law, bridesmaid or not??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors