Post # 17
I do think it is important to start out on a good note… but that note doesn’t necessarily mean that she has to be your bridesmaid. As has been pointed out above, she could stand on your future husbands side… or she could be given another non-bridesmaid duty on the day.
In our case, my brother is standing on FHs side and his sister is standing on my side. We easily could have had it the other way.
I know it seems impossible, but try try to keep the peace. She is going to be looking for any reason possible to find fault with you. Don’t give anyone fuel for that fire. It just gives them satisfaction.
Post # 18
Do you by any chance have a brother that can stand on your side, while she stands on your FH’s side?
I agree with those who say don’t bother. Mostly, I would say it’s a good idea to ask FSIL’s. Even if you aren’t close you could foster a good relationship in the future by doing this. However, this gal has a bad habit of being a brat. At some point, it will come back around to her. I’m not saying you shouldn’t ask her to "teach her a lesson" or something. But don’t reward bad behavior. Don’t make your wedding day miserable.
Post # 19
I would try to find another job for her to do so that she doesn’t feel left out. Maybe you can explain to her that you felt torn because you had to chose between a bunch of girls you cared about? I don’t know. This one is tough… but I would definitely keep in mind that there might be some hurt feelings involved. Also, it is someone you will have to deal with for however long (how long FH’s brother can deal with her!? lol. ah I’m evil..) but if she’s really that bad then you don’t want to give her another reason to be rotten. I just wouldn’t give in, either. Good luck!
Post # 20
Oh man, I feel bad for you:( I thought my my Future Sister-In-Law was bad, I took her bm dress shopping and she told me everything i picked was hideous, and disgusting. So I told her it wasnt the dresses fault that her ass was so large.
I still have to have her in there though, but Im only doing it for my FH.
Post # 21
The most important thing about your wedding is surrounding yourself with people that you love and the people that are happy for your relationship and want it to flourish. If you aren’t that close with her why have her. It is about you and him in the end. Do what will make you happy. My wedding is still over a year away and I have already been pressured into having not only cousins but uncles standing up on my man’s side, so i understand your predicament. Good Luck!!
Post # 22
I am in the minority here, but I think that you should have her in your wedding. Then about it this way…10 years from now when you are friends and you’re showing your kid’s the pictures of both weddings, you might want their aunt in them. Just a thought.
Post # 23
I decided to offer the olive branch to my Future Sister-In-Law and ask her to be in my wedding. We are in the last third of an 18 month engagement and she has decided that she does not want to be in the wedding anymore and may not even attend. So, I say don’t ask her unless you really want to have to deal with her. There is no obligation to "return the favor" even between friends. Also, as previous posters mentioned, she also married into the family and is not a sibling of your FH, meaning the obligation is even less than it might otherwise be.
Post # 24
simple… DON’T DO IT!
You only want supprtive people in your wedding party!!
Post # 25
My Future Sister-In-Law is my maid of honor, but that’s only because she was my best friend even before I met her brother (my FI). I don’t think you should feel obligated to include her at all. If you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid, but still really feel like you need to include her in some way, maybe you can have her pass out programs and/or place cards, or have her do a reading or something. Even if you don’t want to do all that, maybe you can have her wear a dress kind of similar to the bridesmaids and ask her to be in some of the pictures, but make sure you have some with just your girls.