(Closed) Future Sister-in Law Conflict

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Did YOU ever call her directly? She may have been waiting for you. Obviously she is going to know you are engaged but she may have taken it personally that you didn’t take it upon yourself to contact her directly and share the news.

Post # 4
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t talk to her about it. Let it go.

Yes, it was rude and petty of her not to congratulate her bro.  But if you want to have any hope of developing a better relationship with her, the LAST thing you want to do is to come across as scolding her for how she treats her brother.  You will be perceived as trying to stir up trouble, coming between him and the family, etc.

If he is upset, it’s his place to deal with that.  Otherwise you just set yourself up as the scapegoat, the person who is “causing trouble.”

As to how she treats YOU – that’s somewhat different. If she continues being outright rude to you, then her brother should talk to her about it and tell her she can’t continue to treat his fiance this way. 

Post # 6
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

“She can be very difficult, selfish and downright mean to me and basically anyone that is close to her.”

Umm… if you knew she could be a b**** from the beginning, why are you shocked now when she wasn’t going out of her way to congratulate you guys on your engagement?  By your description, her behavior doesn’t seem atypical. 

Move forward with your wedding planning, it’s your day… not hers.  If you continue to dwell on her feelings… this entire process will not be a positive one for you.

Also, congratulations on your engagement!

Post # 9
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

truthfully, it’s not that big of a deal. If she’s still trying to come to grips with it, then you can’t expect her to force a sentiment she doesn’t feel yet. Essentially you’re upset with her b/c she took too long to congratulate you guys? Sorry, but that feels somewhat petty to me. My sister is the same way – I’ve just learned to ignore her behavior and take everything with a grain of salt. Don’t stress it, and try not to make a big deal of it. I understand you’re hurt, but you can’t criticize someone for something as minute as this.

Post # 10
Member
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can’t project your relationship with your sister onto your Fiance and his sister. They are obviously not the same.

Therefore:

Yes, you are blowing this out of proportion.

 No, don’t talk to her about it.

In regard to what’s going to happen with her in the future- why borrow trouble? It’s a total waste of energy to worry about what’s going to happen with her in the future.

 

Post # 12
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m just saying that if “She’s had some really difficult and heartbreaking relationships,” especially some that she anticipated would lead to marriage, she’s probably feeling the sting from that. My sister is going through the same thing (she made a very difficult choice to break off her engagement) so she’s avoiding me right now b/c she doesn’t want to be surrounded by “wedding central” because it hurts her. I get it, I’m not happy about it, but that’s how it is, and I can’t fault her for protecting herself from rehashing all that.

Post # 13
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@LindsayLou1: while it may ‘be selfish’ of her, you are also taking it way too personally.  In a perfect world, everyone will be equally excited and thrilled about your wedding as you are.  But, as you alluded to, perhaps she has some issues with the fact her baby brother is getting married.  Even if that’s the case, I don’t think this is the issue to go to war with her over by making it known how upset you are about it.  

I think you should do your best to let it go, and focus on happy aspects of your planning and people who are enthusiastic about it!  

Post # 15
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

While I do think you are making a bigger deal out of this than it deserves, I can very much relate to your feelings of disappointment and resentment. If I were you, I’d feel that I deserved excitement and happy congratulations from my FI’s sister, especially since I was close to my own. Unfortunately, not everyone can put aside their own discomfort to celebrate in your happiness now, I’d really suggest you leave this be.

Congrats on your engagement though and welcome to WB. happy planning!!

Post # 16
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yes you are blowing it out of proportion

Do NOT talk to her about it.

If you foresee her being a problem in the future, you will just make it worse by saying something now. She will only become defensive and go out of her way to be negative and a problem.

She may just be having a really hard time accepting that her little brother is getting married before her. This can be a very hurtful thing depending on what is going on in her life. Cut her some slack. This is a very happy time in your life and her not congratulating you is just a small blimp on that happiness.

Let her do her own thing, hopefully she will come around eventually. If not, just ignore anything negative that she does.

I know it’s hard, but it’s the best thing to do.

 

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