Post # 17
This. Nothing you do will make her happy, so you need to make yourself and your Fiance happy.
Wait, what? Your Future Mother-In-Law wants you to wait FIVE YEARS before you actually get married? Her daughter “needs” a buffer from her wedding to yours that is YEARS long? It boggles the mind.
Totally ridiculous. I wouldn’t call that supportive.
Your Future Sister-In-Law gets one weekend for her wedding. Four months (even if it is before, which seems to be her main complaint) is a plenty generous buffer.
Sorry you’re dealing with all of this crazy, and remember that you’re marrying into the family and not just marrying him. I have to remind myself of that sometimes…ha.
Post # 18
my sister got married a month after me and it wasn’t a big deal at all. Sorry, your Future Sister-In-Law is just being selfish expecting you to not get married in the same year. I hope your FI’s family sees that you are a good person especially living with them.
Post # 19
@MrsSnowLeopard: Agree 100% with PP. Do. Not. Back. Down.
Your Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law have already shown that they’re completely unreasonable and lack boundaries. They want you and your Fiance to plan YOUR lives around theirs? What happens after 5 years? What if they decide that you need to wait to get married until Future Sister-In-Law has a child who is old enough to go to school so that Future Mother-In-Law can finally give you her attention? HELL NO.
Post # 20
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@MrsSnowLeopard: She is not worth even a breath. Ignore it because you are doing nothing wrong. In fact, you have been quite nice and waited for your proposal to happen out of respect for them and completely changed your venue. To ask you to wait another year to get married? Five years? That is completely out of whack. Just continue making your plans and do not tell her a thing, or, she will claim you are stealing more of her thunder (which is not the case). It sounds like the apple does not fall far from the tree in her case.
Post # 21
- Wedding: August 2015 - Millcroft Inn & Spa
This is exactly what I was thinking. They seem to forget that I have parents who also have other children and that there needs to be some compromise. They come from a very religious conservative background and I have been more than understanding (even planning on getting baptised so we can get married without extra problems.). My family drinks and are very laid back and e have agreed that we will not ask for too much compromise regarding drinking and dancing because it’s not worth the problems.
Post # 22
“Future Mother-In-Law has been supportive but would like us to wait 5 YEARS so that she can give her daughter all her attention right now”
and may I add….fuuuuuuuck that.
Sorry, bitch, but don’t have more than one kid if you can only pay attention to one every 5 years.
Post # 23
This is awesome advice.
I think at the end of the day it will be much easier if you don’t behave in a way that you’ll have to defend later. That said, she is being unreasonable. I think with immediate family, a month buffer between weddings would be nice. 3 months is lots and you shouldn’t have to even coordinate if it’s that long. But A WHOLE YEAR, no no no. She doesn’t need a whole year. Come on. Plan your wedding like Skippydarling said.
Semi related story: Fi’s cousin got engaged a month after us and presented the news almost apologetically! We said, “What! Don’t be silly! Congratulations!” And we meant that. Their wedding is going to be 8 months after ours, but I honestly wouldn’t care if it was much closer. (As long as we’re back from our honeymoon, because I really want to attend their wedding. But even if we weren’t, it would not be appropriate to throw a fit.)
I know that cousins are not the same as siblings, but his family is really close knit. The point is, she is being a bit over the top.
Post # 24
Future Sister-In-Law needs a reality check, but either way OP, you do your thing. And I don’t care how special you are, NO ONE needs a 5-year attention buffer! No! 10 000 lashes with a wet noodle for Future Mother-In-Law for even suggesting such a thing.
Post # 25
@chercee: FSIL needs a reality check, but either way OP, you do your thing. And I don’t care how special you are, NO ONE needs a 5-year attention buffer!
so much this. so Future Sister-In-Law gets a 5-year buffer between weddings? what if she has a baby during that time? will that reset the 5-year clock? then maybe she has another, and pretty soon, the OP won’t be able to get married for years!
Post # 26
It’s called Wedding DAY not LIFETIME…
I understand if the weddings were in different places (say a destination wedding for both) OK.. I GUEEESSS you both would need to see how to work it out… but if BOTH weddings are in the same town I see no problem with it being the same place or 2-4 months apart.
Do your thing…
Post # 27
@MrsSnowLeopard: you’re untraditional, right?
elope. or spend that money on a very small, intimate destination ceremony at most and a really sick vacation. if my family were this far up my coos about wedding stuff i totally would have eloped.
Post # 28
@justhangingaround: what if she has a baby during that time? will that reset the 5-year clock? then maybe she has another, and pretty soon, the OP won’t be able to get married for years!
Oh my goodness, I hadn’t even thought of that! Can you imagine?! I sit here and think, “That’s completely insane!” but you just know that somewhere out there, someone thinks that’s totally ok. O.o