Future Sister in Law from Hell

posted 3 months ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You’ve got an unhappy SIL here. She’s just unpleasant. My advice? Let your FI deal with interactions with her regarding the wedding. It’s causing you stress so maybe avoid talking with her about it so it’s not ruining things with you. Be cordial, but take everything she says and then promptly forget about it. She’s trying to get under your skin and it’s working. 

Post # 18
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

fitnessbridelove :  Have you tried to turn it around on her and tell her that you absolutely don’t mind if she doesn’t want to participate in the wedding activities or the wedding? Just tell her that she’s welcome, but you would never force her to attend, and that you will let her mom know how you feel so that she also stops pressuring her. I’ll bet her attitude will change if she thinks she’s not getting under anyone’s skin.

Kill her with kindness.

Post # 19
Member
28 posts
Newbee

fitnessbridelove :  Ugh, then just ignore her.  Don’t try to get her involved.  You’ll probably both feel better without trying to force her to do anything beyond show up for the wedding.

Post # 20
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We asked her to come to my fiances suit fitting she said NO, we asked her if she would like to do a speech she said No, we asked her to welcome in guests with my brother, she said no. 

That’s kind of odd to ask her to come to those things and ask her to give a speech IMO. I see you said it’s the final fitting, does that make a difference? I just really don’t get the point of her going to that. 

I think you just need to ignore her. Be the bigger person. It sounds like she has made rude comments, but you should just let your FI handle her and move on with your life. 

Post # 21
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

beevincent18 :  As soon as you said this will be an Indian wedding, I immediately changed my perspective. In some cultures, family is much more involved in weddings and wedding planning and all the pre-wedding events and festivities. Her declining to be a part of them is probably a bigger deal in this setting than another culture. That sucks… but I agree with PP that all you can do is ignore her. I also know Indian weddings tend to be on the larger side and she may be upset because she thinks it should be bigger so she could invite her friends. That doesn’t mean you have to go outside your budget because of this idea. Just stick to what you’re doing and uninvolve her, if that’s what she really wants. Hopefully things will blow over once you are past the wedding and you can get along as in-laws.

Post # 22
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I mean. The gossiping behind your back is obnoxious. But. I don’t really see what the big deal is. I wouldn’t call her the FSIL from hell, that’s for sure. It sounds like you’re blowing a lot of things out of proportion and just need to ignore her. 

Post # 26
Member
2802 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

She sounds immature & unpleasant. But, I’d consider it a blessing that she apparently doesn’t want anything to do with your wedding or your relationship. I don’t think she’s a “Sister in Law from Hell” per se. Just stop going out of your way to include her when she’s made it clear she isn’t interested. Invite her to attend as a guest and keep your expectations low. If she says anything overtly rude you can call her on it, otherwise just ignore any perceived petty slights. This isn’t worth being upset over. 

Post # 27
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

fitnessbridelove :  there are plenty of people who post on the Bee that blow things out of proportion. Your SIL sounds immature and obnoxious, but as PP mentioned sounds like she’s staying far away from your wedding. I don’t understand why you expect her to participate in activities and think she’s rude for saying no. No one is as excited about your own wedding as you. No one. 

FWIW, my FMIL actively tries to convince my fiancé not to marry me, and I don’t think ld even refer to herself as FMIL from hell. 

Post # 28
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

fitnessbridelove :  This is not a FSIL from hell… I’m sorry but all of this sounds incredibly petty. I have a real SIL from hell and she is FAR worse than anything you have described. 

The solution here is simple, stop trying to include her. She doesn’t want to be included and that’s fine – not everyone wants to be an active part of weddings. As for her being upset about not having friends, how old is she? Maybe she doesn’t want to be surrounded by people she doesn’t know and feel awkward? Maybe she’s jealous of her brother and just is put off by the whole event. Regardless it’s not your circus, not your monkeys.

If she is younger, maybe you can allow her to invite one friend to keep her company. Otherwise, just stay the hell out of it and leave all communication between your FI and her. If she gets out of hand, maybe your FI can speak with your FMIL and have her intervene. When it comes to in law drama, I just stay out of it. 

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