(Closed) FUTURE SISTER IN LAW FROM HELL WEDDING HELP!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think the best way to deal is to take the high road. I would congratulate her on her good fortune. Maybe even surprise her by making a "special announcement" for her at your reception. Something to the tune of "We are so thankful to be able to share our most special day with all of you! We are also pleased to extend our celebration to include the wonderful announcement of So-and-So’s engagement. Thank you So-and-So for sharing in our joy today." Or something to that effect. Basically, it’s unfair of you to expect her to delay her happy news, just because it happens to coincide with your wedding. However, if you’re concerned about your spotlight getting stolen, I would ensure you take center stage by making the gracious announcement yourself.

Post # 4
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry you’re so stressed out. Unfortunately, all you can do is take the high road with her. If she does pull something at your wedding, you will have to act like you don’t notice and don’t care. In the end, she will make a fool of herself and everyone will compliment you on how you were such a gracious bride. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

there are a lot of verious posts about this that i suggest you look through. a lot of bees have given outstanding advice!

but, In My Humble Opinion, i agree with amester26… take the high road. congratulate her and her fiance (when it comes time) and be the one to make the announcement at your wedding. people will definitely notice your humble heart at that very moment. but be prepared for people to buzz about her and her engagement, cause it WILL happen. just have a humble heart about it and you’ll be fine. and if you’re truly worried about her stealing your thunder, don’t. i’ve seen this happen to an old friend at her wedding and the things people buzzed about most were "wow, way to steal the bride’s thunder." sounds quite a bit mean, but people will actually notice how your future SIL is trying to get the attention to her.

also be prepared for people to ask you such things as, "are you okay?" or say things like "i can’t believe you’re so calm about her trying to steal your thunder like that!" and there will TONS of variations of those comments! just be prepared to make the humblest of statements back!

Post # 6
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

So sorry about her rude behavior. 

First, from her perspective, you dating for 5 years and her dating for one year is of no comparison.  Relationships are different.  It sound like you are passing some judgment that she must not really love, just having a wedding.  Or that she hasn’t dated him long enough to love him.  I’m not sure, but do yourself a favor and forget about those things.  That’s her problem to deal with.

On to more important things.  It’s one thing for her to say to you that she is looking for rings, it is another for her to announce it at your wedding.  It sounds like you have a real concern about that.  (And maybe rightly so.)  That would be in bad taste for her to do that.  It is your day, not a fancy affair with a captive audience, paid for by you, to announce her big day.  I would go about a number of ways to let her know that this is not OK.  I would not get into it yourself.  Have you Fiance tell her that while he is excited for her, she is not welcome to announce it at your wedding.  I would also let the DJ or whomever is emceeing know that you do not want him to give the mic over to anyone, or specifically her and her Fiance.  I mean what if he plans to propose at your wedding?  Even worse.

In some ways you might have to be the bigger person.  You can’t stop her from going around and showing people her ring at your wedding.  Besides, you’ll be too busy to care about that anyway.  I do have to admit,  amester has a point that you could burst the bubble a bit by simply announcing it yourselves (maybe in a passing way.)  Maybe something like, "We’ll be looking forward to getting together next year at so and so’s wedding." Then there is no need for them to make a big production.

Who else knows about this?  What does your Fiance say?  Do you think his parents will suport you in that it is in bad taste or jsut be too delighted in her engagement to care?  Good luck!  Let us know how it goes.

Post # 8
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Dear BubbleBee,

 It sounds like you’re awfully worried about them stealing your thunder on your big day, but to refer to some other threads going around (specifically the one about guests wearing white to weddings), I have to say that I don’t think this sounds like a terrible risk.

Even if your Future Sister-In-Law is the type who needs the spotlight, most of the guests at the wedding will be YOUR friends and your FH’s, so even if she does announce her engagement, will many of them turn their attention from celebrating you and your fiancee to celebrate her instead? Likely not.  They’ll probably see it for the play for attention that it is, say a brief congrats, and move on. I don’t think you have to worry about guests choosing to ignore you and coo over her. 

I think the other posters are right, you should take the high road and be the bigger person. If you’re determined not to let her have your spotlight, do as Amester26 suggested and hit it off at the pass. As you’re toasting your guests in thanks for their attendance, mention how happy you are to be joining this new and wonderful family, and congratulate her then. You can say something like, "(Husband)and I wish you all the love and happiness that we’ve found. Congratulations!" and then move on to finish your toast. I think that’s honestly the best way to minimize the amount of "thunder" she steals from you. 

Good luck, and I hope this helps!

PS – I wouldn’t ask your FH to disallow her from making announcements. That’s likely to only make her more determined. Just tell your DJ who not to give the mic to, and maybe gently and calmly mention to her next time you see her that you look forward to celebrating her engagement together after things calm down a bit after your wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Hi Bubblebee,

I think you’ve gotten A LOT of good advice here and I encourage you to read the previous posts carefully and take what your fellow bees are saying to heart.

It sounds to me like you aren’t too fond of your Future Sister-In-Law and so you are allowing your negative feelings for her to inflate this situation. It’s really not that bad. It’s not like her boyfriend is going to get on bended knee during your first dance. It’s certainly not appropriate for you to ask them to put their lives on hold just because you are getting married. 

If they get engaged before your wedding just say congrats. There isn’t even a need to make an annoucement at your reception b/c presumably everyone will know before then anyway.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

She definitely wants attention, and you have the ability to not give her any of yours. You will likely be completely preoccupied with other matters at your own wedding. Most people that hear her talking about her own engagement at your wedding will think she is out of line, anyway. You should try to concentrate on issues you can control, rather than stressing out over stuff that you can’t!

Post # 11
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Girl, take the high road and if she wants the attention, there is nothing you can really do about it.  At my wedding, MY OWN SISTER announced that she had recently gotten married AND was expecting…she had just told me herself like a week before and no one else knew. 

Tasteless in my opinion to do such things on someone else’s day, but just enjoy your day and don’t let other people bring you down!

Post # 12
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Bubblebee,

 What I’m hearing from you is that you actually want the boyfriend to postpone proposing until after your wedding. With all due respect, I think that’s where you are going astray. Though we brides often like to think so, the world does not stop when our weddings begin. There are things about this situation you CAN control. Like several above have suggested, you can control whether she publicly announces her engagement at your wedding. However, you can’t really prevent her from going person-to-person. You can control whether or not you publicly acknowledge her engagement, or not. However, in my humble opinion, I think it’s crossing the line a little bit to suggest that they hold off on proposing until after you’re married. While your wedding is (rightfully) the main event in your life, I can’t imagine it’s going to take center stage in your FSIL’s life. I think taking the high road paves the way for a much better co-existence down the road. After all, you don’t want to damage what civil relationship you have right out of the chute!

Post # 13
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

yeah, i agree with everyone’s advice:  there isnt anything that you creally an or should do about it unfortunately, except grin and bear it.  people will remember your grace on YOUR day, and if she does try to steal your thunder, your guests will surely find her actions in poor taste, and you’ll just look more lovely by comparison.  so try not to worry about it, and if the worst happens, just try to think of it as an opportunity to show how wonderful you are!

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