(Closed) Future Sister-in-Law Issues

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Um- no WAY are you overreacting.

I’m sorry but where is your FI’s responsibility in this? He needs to tell them himself to BACK OFF.

She obviously doesn’t listen to you…your fiance is the only one who can put her in her place. It doesn’t have to be done in a nasty way, but he needs to set some boundaires.

Post # 5
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@boycesgirl: Sorry, but he is in the wrong here. I understand he is in a difficult place, but seriously- this is a big issue that I hope you don’t let slide.

I think you need him to see how unfair this all is, and that however uncomfortable it makes him, it is his responsibility to set boundaries.

Have him put himself in your shoes- tell him to imagine if members of your family were being invasive and crossing the line all the time, making him uncomfortable.

If that doesn’t work- I suggest counseling. This kind of stuff will only get worse after marriage and kids…

Post # 6
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

You and him need to be on the same page when it comes to extended family & it’s his job to establish that with his siblings, parents, etc.

It’s so important, even when you don’t have the strain of things like deployment, to be set as a team and to do what’s needed to keep yours and his relationship strong. ie. Spend some alone time together BEFORE seeing other friends/family

He needs to set his sister straight.

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he isnt upset about it, then that means he doesnt really mind that much if the sister came to the airport. I definitely do understand that your Future Sister-In-Law pushes herself into your lives too much, but why did she know the exact time to be at the airport? Why is he giving her that information, knowing that she will most likely not respect his wishes to stay away. I am thinking that he doesnt mind as much as you mind if the sister comes around. Just be careful because ultimately his sister is family and you dont want to put him in a position where he feels as if you are making him do something he doesnt want to do

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Ok…I understand your point, I really do, but I would be so upset if one of my siblings was coming home and didn’t want to see me. Plus I would think that when you told me that it was just what you wanted and not what he wanted, because I would hope that they would want to see me too. I would blame you.

I wonder if he’s just saying that he sides with you because he thought thats what you wanted too. It sounds like he’s just trying to avoid an argument.

 

Post # 13
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@boycesgirl: To be honest, I think you’re overreacting – or rather, reacting to the wrong thing. There a few issues here.

1st, yes, it was rude of his sister to disregard your request and not even tell you.

2nd, if he truly didn’t want them there, and was upset that they came, he wouldn’t be so wishy-washy about setting them straight.  It sounds more like YOU really wanted some alone time with him as soon as he got off the plane – understandable, but different from HIM having strong feelings about it.

3rd, it is untenable for you to continue living in a place you hate with him gone most of the time. Does he understand how much you hate it?  This is something the two of you should be working together to resolve.

4th, change your locks. Don’t give Future Sister-In-Law a key. If she shows up to work, tell her you’re sorry, but you can’t hang out that night. Don’t enable her pushy ways.

Post # 14
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@boycesgirl: I think it’s a bad sign that you think he would pick his family over you if he had to make a choice…

But it must be said- This is not a matter of him choosing you and rejecting his family- it’s about setting boundaires and having your relationship as the center of his life!

The reason this continues to bother you is most likely because you know situations like this will keep happening…

He could have seen his sister a little later! It didn’t have to be the second he arrived for goodness sakes!

Post # 16
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

When it comes to his sister showing up unannounced and being pushy about coming over to see you, I think that you just need to have a talk with her and explain that you’re not comfortable with anyone (not just her) doing that.  Tell her that you like to have people call before showing up in case you have plans or are in the middle of something.  However, as far as going to the airport to see your Fiance goes, it’s between Fiance and his family.  Remember, they have been missing him and worrying about him the whole time he’s been gone, too.  Your reunion with him is no more or less important than his parents’ or sister’s.

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