(Closed) Future Sister in-law planning her wedding 2 months before ours!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

She may be a spoiled brat, but having her wedding two months before you does not make her one.  I’m going to say what’s been said hundreds of times on weddingbee.  You get a day.  One day.  Not a week, not a month, not a summer, not a year.  A day.  And getting engaged doesn’t reserve you a time period during which no one else can get married.  They can get married whenever they want.  Sorry.  Two months is plenty of time for family members to have between weddings.  I have friends and family that go to 4 weddings in a summer.  It’s wedding season.  It’ll be okay.  

Post # 4
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can understand your concern about your FI’s relatives. However, as mrsmdphd said, you get a day. Even a week I can see but unfortunately two months is a good amount of time. Two months is a pretty considerable amount of time. Was she supposed to wait an extra year just because you are getting married next year?

I am sorry that you feel that she is being a brat and that you feel like this will be a burden on your FI’s family. You will come off as a brat though if you make an issue about her wedding being two months before yours.

Good luck! I hope everything works out and your concerns end up being unfounded. On the plus side, you will get to her wedding and get lots of ideas about what you want and don’t want regarding decor and traditions!

Post # 6
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Kateski: i think it is a bit inconsiderate for her to intentionally put her wedding so close to yours.  although I do agree with @mrsmdphd: that its wedding season and you cant expect to have the whole year dedicated to just your wedding, but I do think it is gonna be a bit of a strain on the family to have two weddings within 2 months. However because she is your Future Sister-In-Law rather than your actual sister, you are very limited in what you can do about it.If you kick up a fuss it wil cause problems for your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law and since they werent all that welcoming anyway i say take the high road and act like you dont care a thing about it. I’ve found that ignoring certain things is the best medicine for attention grabbing people. Just pretend as thought u couldnt care less about it and that will work like a charm. if she sees that you are upset and bothered it will just feed her silly attitude

 

Post # 7
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree that it puts you all in a difficult position. But, honestly, if these people come up only every 2 years, what difference does it make if she has it in June ’11 or June ’12, it doesn’t seem like they are going to come up again anyways if they only come every 2 years. If your point is you’d rather they come to your wedding just because you got engaged first, well, sorry, that’s a bit selfish. She got engaged in May and most engagements are typically a year long, so I don’t think its strange that she would get married the following June. 

All that being said, I can totally understand you wanting your fiance’s family there, but if they choose not to come, that’s on them, not you and not your sister-in-law, no matter when she decided to have her wedding. My suggestion to you is get your save the dates out first…soon….as soon as possible, even its a year away. You’ll plant the seed in the family’s heads, and hopefully they’ll mentally commit to attending your wedding before they even know about hers. The other more spiteful suggestion is to change your wedding to May 2011, a month before hers. I wouldn’t do it, and I wouldn’t recommend it, but you have that option if its that important to you to get married first. 

Post # 10
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

i totaly see where your coming from. as when me and my faince got engaged feb 20,2012 i told all my friends most were excited but my best friend was really mean about it. sayign we were rushing into things, that our enagagment is too short, umm first off weve been together for almost 4 years and we are having a 16 months engagment. weve lived together for 3 years!!! AM I MISSING SOMETHING!!! well she met her boyfriend on myspace of all places!! and since he lives in NC and we live in NM they seen eachother maybe about 20  times in the past year. well now that she wants out of NM they have come to a mutal desion to just get married at the court house… she calls me all excited that shes getting married. so i asked her does she want me to respond the way she did to me or to be nice. so ya now all of a sudden she wants to be happy for me and josh my fiance, but yet she bitches that her boyfriend never proposed it was justa mutal decision. so she is sobbing that shell never have her dream proposal or an engament ring…. why are some girls like this!!!

Post # 11
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It’s true, some relatives may only make it out for ONE wedding…..as in my family’s case for our cousins’ weddings. However you never know if they will make it out for the 2nd one or the 1st one….we went to the 2nd one…it just depends on the timing/people. You really can’t do much, just move on/let it go….ignore her negative comments…or even defend yourself.

Post # 12
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think telling the OP that she only gets a day is irrelevant. She’s not worried about people stealing her thunder. She may only get one day but guests need a lot of time to plan for two weddings.

 

Post # 13
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

I understand where the OP is coming from. Some families don’t come for visits that often. Especially if they are out of the country. If they come once a year or once every two years, it’s sad and unfortunate, they will have to choose whose wedding they will come for. I’m sorry.

Post # 14
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Kateski is right–she’s mean. And it sucks, but look at it this way: your wedding is not a competition for people. THe people who really love you will go out of their way to make it to yours and maybe your reception will be smaller, but it’ll be more comfortable and intimate. That’s special in itself.

If it makes you feel any better, know that this girl is the type who will have a wedding to rival Diana and Charles’ and you guys could have hot dogs and Bud Light and she’d still be jealous of your happiness. She’s that kind of apple.

 

Post # 15
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can feel your pain. We have been engaged (with a date set the whole time) for 2 years, and 1 month ago my stepbrother and his girlfriend got engaged and decided to have their wedding 2 weeks before mine. I understand I get (and only want) 1 day. HOWEVER, while I am in the midst of the most stressful part of my planning I now have to answer all her questions, plus give her (read: she took it but then asked why things were worded the way I had them) the wording from our invitations and rsvp cards, and countless other ideas she has stolen directly from our wedding, and she will be getting married first. If we had more of an overlap in guest lists it would look like I copied her. But thankfully there’s only a few, and my invitations have been sent out a month ago. Hers still aren’t. So they will see that she has taken our ideas verbatum. I’m not looking for sympathy, but I just wanted to let you know I feel you. I don’t want to have the whole month of October to myself, but I don’t want to spend my time when I should be blissfully planning and attending my showers to now go to her showers, plan her inviations and answer all her questions because she decided to plan a wedding on two month notice, and I’ve been planning for 2 years.

Post # 16
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree that you should get save the dates out before her, if this hasn’t already been done. I would try not to worry about it until RSVP start coming back. you never know if they have other things already planned for those dates. Maybe your date will work out better, maybe it won’t-you’ll just have to wait and see. I do completely understand how disappointing it would be to not have them there.

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