Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
So, I have a future SIL that I am being forced to put into my wedding as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I need to vent BIG time & need some perspective !!
The Future Sister-In-Law didn’t put me in her wedding even though she had 5 BM’s, I’ve known her for 6 years ands thought we were pretty close as we used to work together and see eachother a lot. I admit I was hurt when I wasn’t included but didn’t and would never say anything to them as it wasn’t my big day. What hurt me the most are the different excuses I heard from other family members as to why I wasn’t included i.e too much money, b/c I wasn’t married, bc they forgot about me etc…. You get the picture, BS! Never once was I told by them and my Future Brother-In-Law the truth, which I still don’t know to this day.
Anyway, after trying for 6 years to get to know her, I gave up and thought we are never going to be close so what’s the point. There have been many occasions where I have felt that she has left me out on purpose and am sick of it. I did however tell my FH that she will not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man at our wedding as I honestly don’t think she likes me and I want to have people who love me involved in the wedding. So he agreed at the time an felt the same way.
Now, we are still planning our wedding and have a year to go, but FH decides to tell me he wants her as a BM! Long story short and many tears later I still don’t want her in it but feel I am bring forced to do so. I don’t want to fight about this for the next 12 months so should I stand my ground or give in????
Post # 3
Member
2835 posts
Sugar bee
I am guessing from what you’ve said that this is his sister. That’s a big deal then. I know you said you only want people in the bridal party who love you, but it’s his wedding, too. If they are close, it’s only natural that he wants her in his wedding. In the end, you have to decide what’s more important: the principle of the matter or making him happy. Keep in mind that as your Future Sister-In-Law, any drama from this decision is going to be part of the family dynamic for years.
Post # 4
Member
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t think he can make you have her as a bridesmaid. Just tell him that you don’t feel close to her and only want those closest to you as your bridesmaids. If he still kicks up a fuss, just say “I understand that you’re really close to your sister and, I can see it’s important that we have her in the wedding party. Because I’m not that close to her, I would feel really awkward having her as my bridesmaid and having to do all the jobs for me that a bridesmaid does. I think it would be a lot better if she stood on your side as a groomswoman.”
If he wants her in the wedding party so badly, she can be on his side.
Post # 5
Member
4802 posts
Honey bee
Why doesn’t your Fiance have her stand up for him (with the groomsmen) if he’s so intent on having her in the wedding?
Post # 6
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
Well… I would put her in. i don’t think it was nice of her not to put you in her wedding, but that was her choice, and even though you were dating your FH at the time, it’s not like you were married. It is going to be your SIL though and I would include her.
Post # 7
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
Personally, I think you should probably include her if she is your FI’s sister, especially since it sounds like your main reason for not including her revolves around the fact that she didn’t include you in her wedding party. It is quite common (and in my opinion, a really nice gesture) to have the siblings of the bride and groom in the wedding party, despite how close they may be, but not so common for the partners/spouses of the bride and grooms siblings to be included, unless they are very close. So it isn’t really apples to apples to compare you being excluded from her wedding to her being excluded from yours.
Post # 8
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
I am willing to bet you were not in her wedding because you were not engaged yet. I would not have my brother’s girlfriend in my wedding party. Fiance or wife? Totally different story.
I think you should have her and try to let the feelings go. This is going to be your family!
Post # 9
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
hmm tough call. My SIl didn’t have me in her wedding in any shape or form, even though I got engaged to her brother two months after her engagement. At the wedding, she actually had family photos where I had to sit out, despite me being an “official” family member less than two months later. It made me feel awesome!
For my wedding, I had BIL’s wife as my Maid/Matron of Honor. She and i became super close over the years we dated the brothers and I couldn’t choose amongst my other friends. When SIL found out, she whined to her mom that she wanted to be a bridesmaid. Shocking, since… yeah I wasn’t involved at her wedding at all. I asked her to be in the house party, even though we weren’t close at all and she had been hateful to me many times. She ended up not doing much of the house party duties I had given her (like pin bouts on her brothers–would have had to arrive too early for that), but… at least she was “in the wedding.”
I’ve got no advice really, except wait a while to choose your wedding party. Y’all might end up getting closer between now and then.
Post # 10
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
@Wifeytobe01: It’s your wedding and your bridesmaids. The choice should be yours. If your Fiance is so close with his sister, she can have a different role in the wedding. It should not impede on your happiness. That’s what the day is all about! A happy celebration of your love, not stress, annoyance, and obligation.
I’m sorry you have a crappy SIL. I am very lucky that I love mine and am happy to call her my sister (in addition to my biological sister, lol).
Post # 11
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
You need to get over it. Besides not having you in the wedding party, what did she do wrong? I’m not having a lot of people who I’m close with in my party- brother’s wife, FIs close cousins (like sisters), his brother’s fiance.
I have a reason for this, and if anyone asked, I’d be happy to explain it. Maybe she didn’t want to burden you.
I chose not to have my own brothers in my Bridal Party, but if Fiance said he didn’t want them, I’d be crushed. Is she his sister or his brother’s wife?
Post # 12
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
I wouldn’t have her. If you don’t want her don’t have her. She will still be AT the wedding. I know bridesmaid duties are a little different in the US and I think you may have problems with this one!
Post # 13
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
I think you need to accept that there is a BIG difference between you have her, and her not having you. When she got married, you werent engaged right? So you were just her brother’s gf. Unfortunately, that isn’t close enough for most people to put in the wedding. However, in this scenario – she’s your future SIL. She will be the aunt to your children. I think it’s important to let this pass and put her in your party.
Post # 14
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
OP there’s no rule that says you have to put your FI’s sister on your side of the wedding party. If you don’t get along with this girl tell you Fiance his sister can stand up on his side. are you picking his groomsmen that he thinks its ok to tell you who to have as a bridesmaid?
Post # 16
Member
3256 posts
Sugar bee
@JrzyGurl: <– this is also valid.
Maybe she didn’t include you beacuse, what if you broke up with her brother, but then he would see you in his sister’s wedding photos forever?
But, she can stand up on his side. No rule against that.