(Closed) future sister in law Vent!!!!!!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am guessing from what you’ve said that this is his sister. That’s a big deal then. I know you said you only want people in the bridal party who love you, but it’s his wedding, too. If they are close, it’s only natural that he wants her in his wedding. In the end, you have to decide what’s more important: the principle of the matter or making him happy. Keep in mind that as your Future Sister-In-Law, any drama from this decision is going to be part of the family dynamic for years. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think he can make you have her  as a bridesmaid. Just tell him that you don’t feel close to her and only want those closest to you as your bridesmaids. If he still kicks up a fuss, just say “I understand that you’re really close to your sister and, I can see it’s important that we have her in the wedding party. Because I’m not that close to her, I would feel really awkward having her as my bridesmaid and having to do all the jobs for me that a bridesmaid does. I think it would be a lot better if she stood on your side as a groomswoman.”

If he wants her in the wedding party so badly, she can be on his side.

Post # 5
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why doesn’t your Fiance have her stand up for him (with the groomsmen) if he’s so intent on having her in the wedding?

Post # 6
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well… I would put her in. i don’t think it was nice of her not to put you in her wedding, but that was her choice, and even though you were dating your FH at the time, it’s not like you were married. It is going to be your SIL though and I would include her.

Post # 7
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Personally, I think you should probably include her if she is your FI’s sister, especially since it sounds like your main reason for not including her revolves around the fact that she didn’t include you in her wedding party.  It is quite common (and in my opinion, a really nice gesture) to have the siblings of the bride and groom in the wedding party, despite how close they may be, but not so common for the partners/spouses of the bride and grooms siblings to be included, unless they are very close.  So it isn’t really apples to apples to compare you being excluded from her wedding to her being excluded from yours.

 

Post # 8
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am willing to bet you were not in her wedding because you were not engaged yet.  I would not have my brother’s girlfriend in my wedding party.  Fiance or wife?  Totally different story.  

I think you should have her and try to let the feelings go.  This is going to be your family! 

Post # 9
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

hmm tough call. My SIl didn’t have me in her wedding in any shape or form, even though I got engaged to her brother two months after her engagement. At the wedding, she actually had family photos where I had to sit out, despite me being an “official” family member less than two months later. It made me feel awesome! 

 

For my wedding, I had BIL’s wife as my Maid/Matron of Honor. She and i became super close over the years we dated the brothers and I couldn’t choose amongst my other friends. When SIL found out, she whined to her mom that she wanted to be a bridesmaid. Shocking, since… yeah I wasn’t involved at her wedding at all. I asked her to be in the house party, even though we weren’t close at all and she had been hateful to me many times. She ended up not doing much of the house party duties I had given her (like pin bouts on her brothers–would have had to arrive too early for that), but… at least she was “in the wedding.”

 

I’ve got no advice really, except wait a while to choose your wedding party. Y’all might end up getting closer between now and then.

 

Post # 10
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@Wifeytobe01:  It’s your wedding and your bridesmaids. The choice should be yours. If your Fiance is so close with his sister, she can have a different role in the wedding. It should not impede on your happiness. That’s what the day is all about! A happy celebration of your love, not stress, annoyance, and obligation.

I’m sorry you have a crappy SIL. I am very lucky that I love mine and am happy to call her my sister (in addition to my biological sister, lol).

Post # 11
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You need to get over it. Besides not having you in the wedding party, what did she do wrong? I’m not having a lot of people who I’m close with in my party- brother’s wife, FIs close cousins (like sisters), his brother’s fiance. 

I have a reason for this, and if anyone asked, I’d be happy to explain it. Maybe she didn’t want to burden you. 

I chose not to have my own brothers in my Bridal Party, but if Fiance said he didn’t want them, I’d be crushed. Is she his sister or his brother’s wife? 

Post # 12
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t have her. If you don’t want her don’t have her. She will still be AT the wedding. I know bridesmaid duties are a little different in the US and I think you may have problems with this one!

Post # 13
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think you need to accept that there is a BIG difference between you have her, and her not having you. When she got married, you werent engaged right? So you were just her brother’s gf. Unfortunately, that isn’t close enough for most people to put in the wedding. However, in this scenario – she’s your future SIL. She will be the aunt to your children. I think it’s important to let this pass and put her in your party.

Post # 14
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP there’s no rule that says you have to put your FI’s sister on your side of the wedding party. If you don’t get along with this girl tell you Fiance his sister can stand up on his side. are you picking his groomsmen that he thinks its ok to tell you who to have as a bridesmaid? 

Post # 16
Member
3258 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JrzyGurl:  <– this is also valid.

Maybe she didn’t include you beacuse, what if you broke up with her brother, but then he would see you in his sister’s wedding photos forever?

But, she can stand up on his side.  No rule against that.

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