(Closed) Future Stepmom Issue

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you two need to sit down and discuss this matter.  Obviously, there is some tension between you and his ex.  I think that’s pretty normal, but in my opinion, calling the cops on someone goes beyond normal dislike. You need to discuss this issue and the possibility that something like that could happen again.  You may want/need to involve the ex in a discussion too.  Like it or not, when their kids are in the picture, she will be too.  If you can come to an understanding now, it will make things easier for everyone in the future.  Talking about what is best for everyone, ESPECIALLY the kids, seems like a must to me.  In the end, I think you need to try to come to an agreement that you are all comfortable with.  Good luck!

Post # 4
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

I think MyFavorite has a good idea. By not watching the kids I think you’re just avoiding the problem and not solving anything. When you’re married they will be with you alone and you can’t be afraid she is going to call the cops all the time.

Post # 6
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

I agree with the others; you’re going to have to be around the kids once you are married, so I am sure it would give you some piece of mind to settle this matter sooner rather than later.  I know it would be uncomfortable to discuss, but I know if it were me, I’d want to be a part of the kids’ lives, and I wouldn’t want his ex making me feel uncomfortable about spending time with them!

Post # 7
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im a bit wary of your "watching the kids" attitude.  these are your Fiance children and soon they will legally be your step children.  do you work? do you have the 2 weeks available to spend time with them?   the kids must be going thru alot of changes too so why dont you use this time to create some bonds with them.  i wouldnt say anything to their mother but while the kids are with you, why dont you give them some crafts to make something for her (even if its a card to mail to her in week one) so at least by your actions you are showing youre putting the children first

as there are kids involved i would say be the bigger person


Post # 9
1454 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree with a lot of the people- you need to be able to feel confident watching them and continue to not do anything wrong/illegal (not that you would!) so that the ex cannot acuse you of anything!

Post # 10
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Claircat, it really sounds like this is causing you distress.  How much of this have you discussed with your FI?  Does he understand your reason for discomfort?  Obviously you’ve already gone through a lot with his ex.  Has he been supportive of you in this?  I think you need to have a frank discussion, as it is causing you to have doubts.  You need to reach a place where you are all comfortable, children included. GL!

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