Post # 1
I will be a stepmom when I get married my Fiance and I are in the middle of a big fight, long story short…after watching his kids one day his ex (their mom) accused me of "assaulting the kids" and called the cops, after speaking to the kids the cops realized their was no abuse just a bitter ex.
Of course I was very upset and angry about this, and decided not to babysit the kids again. Well the kids are visiting us this summer and although when I initially heard he was planning on having then for 6 weeks I told him it was too long and he should have them for a time frame he can manage. Of course he didn’t listen, well his mom watched them for 2 weeks and he took 2 weeks off, and the additional 2 weeks he planned to enroll them in day care. Well he apparently misunderstood the price the daycare quoted him, he thought it was $159 per week, he didn’t realize it was per child (he has two little girls), so now he is going to spend $636 for 2 weeks of daycare. He is now trying to guilt me into watching the kids, even though I told him I’m not comfortable doing it.
Hive do you think i’m right or my FI?
Post # 3
I think you two need to sit down and discuss this matter. Obviously, there is some tension between you and his ex. I think that’s pretty normal, but in my opinion, calling the cops on someone goes beyond normal dislike. You need to discuss this issue and the possibility that something like that could happen again. You may want/need to involve the ex in a discussion too. Like it or not, when their kids are in the picture, she will be too. If you can come to an understanding now, it will make things easier for everyone in the future. Talking about what is best for everyone, ESPECIALLY the kids, seems like a must to me. In the end, I think you need to try to come to an agreement that you are all comfortable with. Good luck!
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
I think MyFavorite has a good idea. By not watching the kids I think you’re just avoiding the problem and not solving anything. When you’re married they will be with you alone and you can’t be afraid she is going to call the cops all the time.
Post # 5
Hi MyFavorite, thanks for your response I think you have a valid point regarding me discussing it with my Fiance unfortunately having a discussion with the ex will not happen, not because I don’t want to but she is really bitter, I think the fact that her ex (my Fiance ) and I got together shattered her hopes for a reconciliation (something I think she as expecting as it was not their first breakup) so now I believe she is blaming me for the failure of her relationship.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
I agree with the others; you’re going to have to be around the kids once you are married, so I am sure it would give you some piece of mind to settle this matter sooner rather than later. I know it would be uncomfortable to discuss, but I know if it were me, I’d want to be a part of the kids’ lives, and I wouldn’t want his ex making me feel uncomfortable about spending time with them!
Post # 7
im a bit wary of your "watching the kids" attitude. these are your Fiance children and soon they will legally be your step children. do you work? do you have the 2 weeks available to spend time with them? the kids must be going thru alot of changes too so why dont you use this time to create some bonds with them. i wouldnt say anything to their mother but while the kids are with you, why dont you give them some crafts to make something for her (even if its a card to mail to her in week one) so at least by your actions you are showing youre putting the children first
as there are kids involved i would say be the bigger person
Post # 8
Dear Eloping, there is no chance of me having a civil relationship with the mom, not only did she call the cops on me claiming I abused the kids, she accused me of threathing her over the phone and breaking her car windows I had to go to court to fight the harrassement charges, after the charges where dismissed, I then took her to civil court for malicious prosecution and won, after that she has been leaving me alone. I love my Fiance he is a great guy but I will not do something that makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes I think all this drama is not worth it, I used to be a hopeless romantic believing that love conquers all but now I’m not so sure.
Post # 9
I agree with a lot of the people- you need to be able to feel confident watching them and continue to not do anything wrong/illegal (not that you would!) so that the ex cannot acuse you of anything!
Post # 10
Claircat, it really sounds like this is causing you distress. How much of this have you discussed with your FI? Does he understand your reason for discomfort? Obviously you’ve already gone through a lot with his ex. Has he been supportive of you in this? I think you need to have a frank discussion, as it is causing you to have doubts. You need to reach a place where you are all comfortable, children included. GL!