(Closed) Future/Ex SIL Causing Family Crisis! HELP!

posted 10 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Honestly… I agree with them.  You’re totally within your rights to be angry with her, to dislike her, to not want to be her friend, but in the end, your brother wants to be with her.  She could be your SIL some day.  So don’t fight about it, don’t think about it, just let it go. Don’t talk about her, only engage in polite conversation when it’s neccessary.  Invite your brother with a date and let him choose. She didn’t hurt you, she hurt him, and he’s chosen to forgive her.

As for the dress, she bought a dress for you for the specific purpose of wearing it in your wedding.  When you decided she should no longer be a part of the wedding (once again, understandable) I do think it’s your responsibility to refund her the money she spent on it, as chances are this is not a dress she would have bought on her own, nor is it a dress she’ll wear anywhere else.

Post # 4
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with Johnsbride.  You feel sick about the idea of her being at your wedding because you have yourself so worked up about it.  If you let it go now, and yes, it will be hard, by the time your wedding comes around you won’t really care any more.  Yeah, your Christmas may have been ruined, so what?  It’s just one in what will be a long life of happy Christmases.  Your engagement period is special because everything is new and exciting, but it’s nothing compared to your marriage. 

So, take a deep breath, go to your mother and tell her that you want to move on, not talk about this girl anymore, and just enjoy the wedding planning.  Avoid the subject when you can, and make a pact with yourself that you’ll do your best not to get upset about her.  The more you step away from this, the smaller of a deal it’ll seem.

Post # 5
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think its strange that she wants to go. 

Sometimes we women become Mama Bear when it comes to our families.  Your brother was in pain and I bet you just wanted to tear the girl’s head off.  Unfortunately, everyone else moved on and your still batting at the wind.  We cannot win battles for our loved ones when they give up the fight.  Whatever reason your brother had for forgiving her is between the two of them, and you just need to accept it.  This is what your Mom has done. 

I sometimes have to remind myself that it is an imperfect world and people make mistakes.  I know I have, and will continue to, and I can only hope that by forgiving others, I myself may be forgiven when the time comes. 

Let go of the anger.  It is only going to hurt you. 

Post # 6
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

The hardest hurt to forgive is not that which has been inflicted on ourselves, but that which has been inflicted on those we love. Your indignation and resentment of the ex-gf is totally understandable and were I in your situation I would probably be feeling the same way. But if your brother and she have reconciled, then you have to respect the wishes of the one you do love, your brother. No one is asking you to like this girl, or to be loyal to her. But you do owe your brother your loyalty, and the least you can do if be civil to her and allow her in the same room as you at your wedding. And besides, 6 months is still a long way away. Who’s to say their relationship won’t fizzle out again by then anyway? Don’t panic. It’s all going to be okay.

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