(Closed) Gah! Need help. Had fight with SO :( What would you do? LONG

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Ugh :(
    You're clearly a crazy person, just let him go : (4 votes)
    3 %
    He is the crazy person. I would be upset too. : (91 votes)
    71 %
    You are both stupid heads. (How can I be less of a stupid head?) : (27 votes)
    21 %
    Like hell I'm going to read all that! : (7 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Well, we don’t do the whole group sleepovers, so I can’t really comment on that portion of it. It sounds like a communication breakdown, and the fact that he didn’t want to babysit and sit there while you did homework. I mean, it sucks and it is “unfair” since you have a lot of your plate. BUT- I can see why he dodged to hang with his friends.

    The night is over and done with, you can’t go back and reclaim your night off so the best you can do it decide that in the future, you’ll just let him uphold his responsibilities ( babysitting) and you’ll uphold yours ( studying).

    I think time apart though is critical, and texting every 30 minutes to get a status update is just a bit much. Darling Husband and I went through something similiar earlier in our relationship, and since this is your first major fight in 5 years, as you say, it probably is an issue worth addressing. Doing things without each other, even in ” your group”, can really be beneficial all that way around. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    9625 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I would be upset too! He decided you would stay at HIS aunt’s place to babysit while he went out (although it made sense because you had homework) but decided on his own that he would GO AGAINST the agreement you made that he would keep you company, and ditched you to play games at a female friend’s house?!!!! I would be LIVID!! I am, on your behalf! Now he wants to ditch you AGAIN to have a sleepover without you, you are a group, they can wait a week until you can join them too!

    Post # 6
    Member
    917 posts
    Busy bee

    @lurkerbee1:  he should have come back to where you were babysitting HIS cousin and kept you company like you both agreed to. I think that’s really unfair. Maybe talk to him and explain how stressed this assignment is making you and that you need him around next weekend for support, not necessarily to help with the assignment, but just for a hug when you’re feeling overwhelmed and need to calm down. Then plan a sleepover for the next weekend like you said. He should at least be able to come to that compromise after suffing up last night.

     

    Good Luck!

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @lurkerbee1:  FI and I rarely socialize without each other, and never overnight. I haven’t had a group sleepover since middle school and it certainly was co-ed. I find that a bit strange, unless it’s away for a weekend camping or something.

    I think you have every right to be annoyed – it sounds like he is putting his needs before yours when really, you should be coming first in his mind. A lot of couples do socialize separately though (it just doesn’t work for us), so maybe he just wants some *space* I’m not a fan of him hanging out 1-1 with another girl while you do a favour for his family though – especially because he felt the need to keep it a secret until you asked.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2605 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @lurkerbee1:  I think your SO is being a selfish, self-centered dink.

    HIS Aunt needs a babysitter and he effectively dumps in on YOU so HE can still go out and have fun.  Then he ditches his plans with you without so much as a word so he can have MORE fun.  Not to mention his Aunt decides to stay out later because HE, the one NOT babysitting is staying out later (WTF?) and take advantage of you as well.  Lovely. 

    Now he’s having a tantrum and is angry with you because you dared to tell him honestly that you would prefer he wait ONE week to have a sleepover party?  It seems like he asked the question not because he really cared about your opinion but to prompt you to tell him it was okay so he could do what he wanted guilt free.  He’s mad that you didn’t cooperate like when you agreed to let him dump the babysitting for HIS relative on you.

    It sounds to me like he’s pretty used to getting his way with you and punishes you when he doesn’t.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    917 posts
    Busy bee

    @lurkerbee1:  Yeh it’s 11:25pm and I’m curled up in bed with my two cats lurking on the bee looking at ring porn lol. You can’t go into the other room and just quickly state your mind then leave if he doesn’t respond? That’s what I’d do. Hell that’s what I’ve done, with my ex. Maybe leave him a note for the morning or a text msg on his phone for when he feels like being mature and talking with you again? Tell him it has not about him “not having fun” but everything to do with him supporting you, his GF! You should be his priority, not the group. 

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    uh – he pawned off HIS babysitting job on YOU (i don’t even know why you said yes to that…) then extended your babysitting job by staying out late. that’s super rude. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @lurkerbee1:  I’m all for time apart–SO and I are finally getting better at just going out with our own friends–but this is silly. If he wanted to alter the plans that you agreed on, he should have ran it by you first.

    Also, I think it’s totally crazy that he talked you into his babysitting gig. You’re a more selfless person than I am–if it were me, I would’ve said no! Granted I have no idea of your relationship with his aunt. But to me, it would be one thing if he was unavailable and you offered, but it’s completely another that he committed and then bailed. You get a gold star!

    Post # 16
    Member
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you’re both wrong.

    He should have called-you did him a favour by agreeing to babysit for him, and he kind of took advantage of the situation (knowing you were there and things were covered), and acted selfishly. At the very least he should have called or texted so you weren’t left wondering.

    That being said though-you did agree to babysit. And it’s not his fault or problem that your school and work schedule is tight and doesn’t allow for as much fun time as you would like. You can’t really expect him to wait around until you’re free to have fun with your mutual friends. Darling Husband finished school a good two years before I did, and there were a lot of times when he went out with our friends and I had to stay home and study, or do homework….yeah, sometimes I was jealous I couldn’t be out having fun too, but it also never occured to me to try to stop him. I think that’s selfish on your part,

    I think you should be happy that he’s in a healthier place and is able to go out without you and have fun-that is healthy, and is something you should encourage.

    The topic ‘Gah! Need help. Had fight with SO :( What would you do? LONG’ is closed to new replies.

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