- 5 years ago
Every Thursday our group goes out to trivia. Last night (Thurs), SO’s aunt needed us to babysit. Originally the plan was for him to babysit and I would go with him to keep him company and use it as a chance to do some homework (I have major assignment coming up). Thus, no trivia for either of us, the group would go without us (if at all). Then SO said that there was no point us both babysitting, when really all that was required was one person. So, since I was doing homework anyway, he suggested that I be the one to babysit, while he went out with our friends. I agreed this made sense and we decided that after trivia, he would come back and keep me company (as per the original plan) until his aunt got home. So far, so good.
Anyway, trivia finishes around 10. I got a text from his aunt around then saying he would be a bit longer (no text from him, she had just called him re: when she would be coming home). Ok, no problem. At 10:30, I had no word from him and assumed it had run way overtime, so I text him. His response was that he was finished, but they were talking. Okay, no problem, we often hang around for 10 mins after to chat but it would have been nice for him to at least tell me it had finished etc. I didn’t hear from him again til about 11, an hour after he was meant to be back. I text him again, as he again hadn’t spoken to me and I assumed he had forgotten to tell me he was on his way. No, his repsonse was ‘I am at (Female Friend)’s place, playing games’. This is when I actually got upset, as I had been waiting for him, expecting him to be back any minute and he had driven RIGHT PAST where I was to her place to play games!
So he didn’t text me. I would have been fine if he had given me some warning or let me know or something. Instead he didn’t tell me til I asked! So I’m just waiting around for him while he goes out and has fun. I also felt ditched- like he would rather spend time with them than me. He agreed to be back at a certain time to keep me company and drove right past where I was and didn’t think to say anything! So I told him I was pretty unhappy with this (through text) and he still didn’t come back for another three-quarters of an hour! Over an hour and a half later than he said he would be, without any notice. I had been beginning to get worried and thought he’d been in a crash!
Meanwhile, his aunt was meant to be back at like 10ish but she had spoken to him and stayed later as SO was staying out later. So rather than getting home by about 10;30ish, I didn’t get home til midnight. Oh, and the internet didn’t work so I didn’t get any homework done. I am studying masters and working, so I feel like I have to ‘budget’ in my fun time, and this time should have been spent either doing homework or relaxing, instead I was just stressed and I feel like it was totally wasted when I could have done something better- even if that just meant vegging out at home. So then I was upset as he had fun time out with friends when he had already had the whole day off at home and I had had work all day and a wasted night. And he didn’t see the problem and thought I was just being grumpy. He seemed to genuinely see no problem with the lack of communication.
Anyway, SO asked me tonight if our group could come over for a sleepover next weekend- the day before this major assignment is due! Obviously, I said no but we can definitely do it the next weekend. So, given the whole issue from last night, he thought it best to ask how I would feel if he went and had a sleepover with the rest of the group at someone else’s house that weekend- while I stayed home and did homework, even though if he just waited one week we could do it together. Anyway, since he asked I said ‘I would prefer it if you didn’t’. Not a no because I’m not a completely crazy person, but truthfully, I *would* prefer if he waited a week. (I should probably mention, if SO and I don’t organise something with the group, it generally doesn’t happen so it’s not like SO would be missing it, it’s that it would just happen the weekend after instead).
That was not what he was expecting to hear and now he won’t talk to me and is sleeping on the floor in the other room. Seriously. We never fight over anything properly (the most is when I get grumpy from PMS) and he is not talking to me over this. It’s so stupid. And I feel like the bad guy. I mean, he *should* be allowed to go out and socialise by himself. It’s just that it is my group of friends too and I feel like we should just wait a week so I can join in, esp considering I didn’t get to go to trivia last night. If they all go out next week, then noone will want to the week after when I am free. I again feel like he is choosing them over me.
I realise this is stupid as obviously other couples spend time apart and socialise without each other. And I guess what I want to know is… how? Do you ever stay the night somewhere without each other?
I should mention that SO doesn’t have his ‘own’ friends, we are all in a group together. Most are old high school friends, with a couple I’ve made at uni who have now joined the group. I would probably feel differently if it were with people I wouldn’t hang out with anyway, you know? But I just feel excluded and even though that is due to my own timetable, it just feels unfair since it could so easily be worked around. I was totally fine with him going to trivia without me last night but I feel like he took advantage by coming back way later than we agreed.
And yes, we made it to 5 years without this ever being an issue. SO had anxiety for years and used to never go out without me.Over the years, I have lost a lot of friends because of this. I barely made any friends throughout my entire undergrad as I wouldn’t go out with them as it made him sad (since he wouldn’t join in with people he didn’t know and he didn’t want to be left home alon on weekends). He has improved so much lately so I was actually pretty pleased when he first started going out with our friends without me. Now he actively wants to go without me and I guess I feel resentful- I always stayed home with him when he wanted, for years on end and he can’t even sacrifice this one thing for me.
I’m sorry this is so long, I just thought you’d need all the background info. What do I do bees? Am I the bad guy? 🙁