(Closed) Gained a FH, lost my son? So sad yet about to be married…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t have experience with this, but I just wanted to show some support and say I’m sorry for you. I know how much a mother loves her children, and for you to be torn away from one of them because of your relationship with the man you love (and deserve to be treated well by) must be very painful. I hope some day your son will grow to respect him and your decision to find someone who loves you and treats you wonderfully. Just make sure your son knows you will always love him and your love for him will never be replaced by anyone. I hope this works out for your family.

Post # 4
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014
Post # 6
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@lorie:  It’s so unfair that your son is hearing the wrong things from his father about you. But he is young still, so maybe as he goes through school and life a little more he’ll realize that you’ll always be his mother and you love him unconditionally. I know divorce can be so devastating to a family on so many levels, and obviously it was warranted. It’s hard to forgive, but if you can forgive all it’s better for you. 

I am personally trying to forgive my grandmother for trying to ruin my parent’s marriage and neglecting us when were kids, but it’s really hard. I think if she owned up to what she did it would help, but she’ll never do that, so that’s why it’s hard for me to forgive her. 

I hope you will one day be able to explain to him what happened and why and he’ll be open to understanding the position you were in.

Post # 7
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am really sorry, I hope your son realizes sooner than later what a great mom he has. Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybe I’m coming at this from a different angle, but In My Humble Opinion if your son was 18 when you & your ex split & you met your current partner while separated from the ex – I think your son could be a little more mature about it. I could understand his attitude if this all happened when he was 13 or something, but at 18 he is an adult and pulling the “you’ve ruined my life” thing is a bit of a stretch. 

I wonder if it’s worth saying something to your son  – not going “tit for tat” as such, but stating that there was unhappiness & the marriage ended for a reason, but what happened between you & your ex is between the 2 of you. Remind him that you have chosen to be the bigger person & tried not to put the kids in the middle, unlike his father who has decided to tell his version.

You can’t make him change, and of course being out of contact makes the tension harder. Hopefully over time he matures a bit & you 2 can be in a better place.

Post # 10
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

First off I am so sorry you are going through this!! My family kind of went through the same thing. Unfortunately my father passed away a year after my mom and stepdad married. My brother had no where else to live.. and saw first had how loving my step dad was to my mom and I. It took my brother a while. I don’t know if couseling is an option for your son, but having someone else to talk to other than you or his father would be a good idea, I think any child of divorce should see a counsler(thats my opinion)  it is very sad that he is being fed lies by his father. What most kids, teens, young adults… whos parents divorce don’t understand is that adult relationships can be very complicated. Maybe once he is in a relationship or gets a little older he will understand the dynamics… and maybe you will be ready to share with him where you were coming from (in a non malicious way). I hope for the best for you and your family. 

Post # 12
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh Lorie!! My heart aches for you darling. I don’t know what else to say =( I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

Post # 14
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@lorie:  That’s a shame to hear. All you can do is to love & be there for your son & hope that he eventually respects your new relationship. I’m sorry for your pain in the meantime

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Good luck, I really hope he matures and comes to respect you– hopefully he and his sister can reconcile too!

Post # 16
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@lorie:  i am so sorry you are dealing with this.  i know the bond that a mother has with a son and it would tear me up inside to lose it.  i am surprised at his immature behaviour.  he really is old enough to hear the real truth about the reason you divorced his father.  will he meet with you for a coffee or anything so that you can have a heart to heart talk about this? 

does your son and daughter have a close relationship or has he disregarded her too?

hopefully in time, once he matures a bit, he will come to realize that he has a mother who loves and cares for him.

The topic ‘Gained a FH, lost my son? So sad yet about to be married…’ is closed to new replies.

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