(Closed) gamer FI – how to have patience?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

we bought a second tv. it is 42 inches and it is directly under our mounted 52 inch screen. So he plays while i watch my wedding shows:) BEST damnn money we ever spent. Oh and I can’t stand the noise so our next big purchase will be a $100 headphone purchase.  Oh and we agreed ( i almost said he isn’t allowed to) he wouldn’t play if the house was messy or if we were home alone ( like if my son was at practice and we had QT) yes, I put limits on day one. I hate hate hate video games.

Post # 4
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My Darling Husband plays on his computer, but it can be annoying, so I know how you feel. I have to try really hard not to be a jerk. I just try to be sweet about it.

Post # 6
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t know how you ladies do it! To me, there is so much more to life than gaming day in day out. You are strong women to put up with that. In my mind, it’s like, grow up – you aren’t a teenager anymore.

Post # 7
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@nutMeg13:  It is all about setting boundaries. I’m not even exaggerating. My Fiance and I have been together for six years and we have established certain ground rules to his PS3, Computer, and XBox 360 playing time. With the boundaries set we never argue over it because we both have a resonable understanding.

Here are a few examples:

-after work please make sure the dogs are attended to before playing (he gets home first)

-you can play while I’m cooking dinner but certainly not while eating it

-if you and I are relaxing together please ask before turning it on. I may agree to reading while you play but not all the time. I enjoy TV time too.

-any time I am out of the house playing is fair game as long as you have time to do the little things I have asked before I come home

 

 

Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

my SO’s love for games comes and goes. sometimes he doesn’t play for months, then he finds a new game and he plays every day. the problem is, all of the netflix, DVD player, etc, are all through our Xbox and require his gold account. so buying a 2nd TV wouldn’t work for us.

I’m kind of a lazy couch potato after work, so I view my SO’s love for video games as a way to force me off the couch.  I read, go online, or do things around the house.  sometimes there are shows that can only be watched from the internet, so I put a comfy chair in our office and watch those shows on his laptop. 

so basically, I try to turn it into a positive thing for me. 

when he is particularly obsessed with a game and wants to play for too many hours, I set a time limit. I say “you can have the TV for (X) more hours, is that ok?” and he seems to be happy with that. 

he does not neglect me or his duties. I would absolutely not put up with that!

Post # 9
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

we have two tv’s in the living room and a tv in the bedroom where the computer is, sooo i can watch tv while he games, and he also tries to find a game or two that I like to play so sometimes we play together

Post # 12
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@nutMeg13: This happens pretty frequently to me, almost daily. That is how he unwinds and relaxes after working all day and I’m sure he has told you this.

What about him playing when you get home bothers you? Is the house a complete mess? Does he ignore you when you come in the door and not say hi? Does he give you a few minutes to chat before returning to the game?

I don’t think expecting him to stop playing is reasonable, as I mentioned you need boundaries. So once you know WHY it bothers you or what specifically he is or isn’t doing then you can address that. Just telling him to stop is only going to lead to you both being frustrated…believe me I know.

Post # 11
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

I used to play computer games too, so I actually one day just said “I’ll see what this is all about” and started playing with him. That has turned the playing into time spent doing something together, and we have a lot of fun with it. That has also gotten us into the habit of spending time together pretty much every night. So I’ll play with him but then other nights if I say “let’s watch a movie/tv show” he’ll do that with me because he no longer feels comfortable just playing on his own at night, we do stuff together now. I never expected it to turn out this way, but it worked out 🙂

I also do have a problem with him not doing enough around the house (or just “wasting” the time playing), but I understand that it’s his way to relax, just like I like to read/crochet/watch my TV shows. He also goes through phases of playing/not playing. It’s not too bad, but I know that once we start a family and have to start getting serious I can count on him to be responsible. Like everyone else has said, it’s important to set some boundaries (like, he’s usually responsible for the laundry or cooking, and he usually does it, even if he plays all day). At the same time though, it’s important to understand him and cut him some slack, and maybe even give it a try for yourself. I hated playing halo with him but I’m enjoying playing wow together, so that worked out for us. It’s hard sometimes for us women to understand how much men actually value time spent with us doing something together, even if it’s just a video game 🙂 It can make him much more likely to listen to you and be more responsible otherwise.

Post # 13
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Oh dear.

It took me many years to figure out how to handle the games. To be honest, I was nearly ready to break up with him over World of Warcraft on the computer. It was eating his (our) life! He finally understood and quit cold turkey. No computer games for him.

He still plays normal video games. I’m okay with this. He plays on weekends, and I support it. I even suggest it sometimes. Just as a happy wife is a happy life, so is a happy husband a happy life… even if it doesn’t rhyme. Playing video games relaxes him and in a strange way soothes him. We don’t have rules, really, he uses common sense. He plays while I cook, and that’s totally fine with me. He quits as soon as I give him the “Dinner’s done in 5” warning. I like some Wii games, and he LOVES when I play with him. Xbox360 just isn’t for me… there’s no Mario.

I guess the only rule we have is no microphone/talking to those folks, if he’s playing a team game. He doesn’t play them very often, so it’s not a huge issue. Sometimes, though, he’ll play with his brother (14 and lives across the country), and of course I’m happy for them to talk.

Really, it comes down to the fact it doesn’t hurt me, and it makes him happy. And, in the scheme of our life together, this is a battle I would surely lose and therefore choose not to fight.

Now, what I’ll never understand and always makes me cringe is anime. Shoot me please. That, we have plenty of rules for!

Post # 14
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@Mrs. Gremmlin: Ugh don’t get me started on anime. He is re-watching the entire Bleach series. Do you have any idea how long that series is!?!? *Le sigh*

Post # 15
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012 - Wynn Las Vegas/Bouchon Bistro

He normally plays while I read or browse the internet, so I don’t mind. We just make it a point to sit next to each other on the couch and talk during. Can you talk to him about setting some type of boundaries for his playing? For example, you get a certain time to do your exercise videos?

Post # 16
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

@Treejewel19: haha Oh no!!! I can’t stand it. Seriously, I’ve just now figured out how not to be angry about it. Now I’m just annoyed!

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