Post # 17
When DH and I first married he kind of leaned into gaming as a way to get some time to himself/downtime. I worked hard to respect that need, with the understanding between us that if I ever felt neglected or like I needed more time together he would respect that.
The longer we have been married the less time he has put into gaming. The way we spend our time, alone and together, has changed a little, and that has had an impact. I did request a no iphone during dinner rule and that has been great.
We are getting ready to have our first baby, so I think he has been trying to spend more time gaming lately, knowing that he isn’t going to have as much time once the baby arrives. I’ve been giving him his space, but I did request that we continue to eat dinner together every night and that we get out of the house at least once a week to spend time together (i.e. play a game together at a coffee shop, take a walk on the green, etc).
Maybe talk to your DH about how he spends his time, and what would make you feel better. You may have to schedule stuff a bit more for a bit to ensure you are getting adequate time together, but it should get better as he adjusts to marriage.
Post # 18
DH and I are both gamers, but he does play a bit more than me. Things got a little ridiculous when he started playing an MMO pc game and it got to the point that we were arguing about it often because that was ALL. HE. DID. when he would come home in the afternoon. I get it because being a gamer, you really don’t realize how much you get sucked into that sort of thing. 1 hour feels like 1 minute. We finally talked about it calmly and rationally and I basically said that as much as I love to game for hours upon end, if I think it’s gotten excessive then chances are it’s pretty bad. Same goes for me. If he thinks I’m playing too much I really have to listen and dial it back. Since then, no problems.
Sometimes when I’m feeling ignored instead of nagging him to stop playing, I’ll ask him to get up and go do something with me. Even if it’s something as small as fixing dinner or going to the store. This usually leads to us finding something else to do after, and the marathon gaming session is over.
Post # 19
@sherryberry: hmm sorry you have to go through with that 🙁
FH is a pretty big gamer but I don’t mind it for a few reasons:
-I like most of his games so I play too sometimes. Have you tried that?
-He knows when to stop. He likes playing his games, but if he has work that needs to get done, that comes first. Or if i’m home he will shut it off because he rather spend the time with me and can play some other time.
-even if I don’t like playing the game he is, I could literally sit there all night watching him. I love watching video games being played more than I like playing them haha.
Post # 20
FH used to be a huge gamer but stopped when we officially started dating, now he games maybe 5 hours per week. I think you guys may need to seek couples couples counseling
Post # 21
@shaniqua: Honestly, pretty much only “little kid” games! LOL He bought me a Nintendo DS, and we play some of the games where you can play together on separate players (Animal Crossing). We also have a WiiU, and we play things like Game & Wario together. Game & Wario basically has a game like pictionary, angry birds, etc. to play as against each other. He isn’t usually into games like that, but he enjoys playing them with me because I’m making an effort to enjoy his hobby. I could never play Halo or Call of Duty because I absolutely suck! 🙂
Post # 22
DH is a gamer. He plays Xbox and PC games, and he’s also a game developer.
A few years ago, while he was still in college, it was pretty bad. He’d come home from work and play games till like 3-4am. After a while, I got fed up with it. We had a discussion about it and he cut back some. He’d play while I was reading a book or doing something else, and some games I’ll even play with him. A few games I don’t mind watching, they’re like movies. LOL
Now that he’s working full-time, he might play for like an hour or so every few nights. He plays most of the time on Saturday and Sunday mornings…he wakes up at the crack of dawn, and I like to sleep till at least 9am. lol
Post # 23
I have a gamer husband, but I am his priority above any and all gaming. He’ll put his game down at any time to go do something with me instead. I don’t even have to ask, he’ll offer. If we’re home all day on a weekend, he’ll be playing games the majority of the day. I don’t mind, though – I like to watch, or play my own, or go do my own thing around the house. That’s how he unwinds.
Sometimes we get home from work and he’ll want to play something, but I’ll say, “Babe, my brain hurts, I was hoping we could just watch some T.V. tonight” and he’ll go, “Okay, no problem! What do you feel like watching? Let’s check our Hulu queue…” and I don’t ever feel like I’m preventing him from doing something he REALLY wants to do, because I KNOW he wants to spend time with me and enjoys watching our shows with me.
Btw, we’re both game developers, so I guess it’s a different experience for us.
Post # 24
@sherryberry: Haha I think I’m more of a gamer than my fiance. And by gamer, I mean I get obsessed with things very easily (addictive personality). Ill play sims for literally a week straight and then get bored and do something else – doesn’t have to be game related.
The issue here is that hes in a habit he can’t break. Theres nothing wrong with gaming, but when it affects other people it needs to be addressed.
Maybe you guys could try 1 day a week unplugged for starters?
Post # 25
DH is a gamer. Diablo almost broke us up, and he even admits that he was addicted to it and that it wasn’t healthy. It ended when he created a bot to get him loot and the people running the game banned him! So thank God for that!
At one point I was so over it I slammed his laptop shut on his hands!
He USED to have to dedicate all night to Call of Duty with is obnoxious friends, which was a problem for me because he wouln’t come to bed until past 4 am and then would be worthless and wouldnt want to do anything on Saturday. We fought almost every Friday an dI was really worried.
LUCKILY when he stopped working with those guys he also stopped his all night Call of Duty marathons!
Now he only plays every now and again.
He has games on his phone, but I don’t mind those at all!
Post # 26
Could not and would not deal with it.
I have a friend going through a divorce from her gamer and sperm donor right now. I say sperm donor, because that’s the only damn thing he’s contributed to since they got married.
Post # 27
It’s calmed down thankfully. We had a ‘come to Jesus’ talk a few years ago. I explained that I will not be second place to the army of basement boys. So yes, he still plays, but in moderation. And what I really cared about – we cone first. Always. I don’t care what he’s playing, but if I tell him dinner is almost ready, his rear end better be downstairs and at the table by the time I’ve got the plates out. And the basement boys are never, ever allowed to interfere with date night.
Post # 28
It sounds like he’d rather play games than do much of anything else. You can’t make someone choose to do something they don’t want to do – if he wanted to spend time with you he would. But he doesn’t.
Post # 29
@sherryberry: Oh my gosh I’m in the same boat as you! I had no idea he was this big of a gamer when I married him. And like you said it’s getting worse and worse. We argue constantly about it, he tells me I’m needy and nagging. But I shouldn’t have to beg you to pay a little attention to me. I like to get out of the house on the weekends and he would rather stare at the computer then experience the real world.
We try to do you your day and my day. And on my day no games are aloud! And it worked great for two weeks and now he takes over my time and my days. Annnnnd when he isn’t playing games he tries to make deals with me…..if you let me play for one hour I’ll do the dishes.
I honestly dont know what to do anymore either.
Haha sorry….I had a lot of pent up resentment!
Post # 30
It seems to me that the issue here is not that he likes to game, but that you feel ignored. I’d sit him down and tell him how you’re feeling. Don’t be accusatory, just say “when you do xxx, I feel xxx”. Maybe you can set a time limit. Each of you gets x amount of hours a week to do whatever your hobbies are and each of you can split that time how you want as long as it’s agreed upon by both people ahead of time.
Post # 31
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
That comment was nasty and un-necessary.
Sorry you’re dealing with this too.
Gaming is one thing, but I always tell him that there is so much more to life! There is an outside world. Even if he would just come out for a walk with me, I’d be so happy.
I don’t know if my expectations changed after marriage or what, but I am NOT happy with how I’m being treated. It’s almost like I am expected to just be his companion.