(Closed) garter toss in a mermaid dress?

posted 6 months ago in Traditions
Post # 48
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

Another thing I can’t get around with the garter and bouquet toss, in addition to the points mentioned, is how gendered and heterosexist it is.

Post # 50
Member
1187 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

You specifically asked people why they don’t like this tradition. They are telling you. If you didn’t want to hear it, you shouldn’t have asked.

I don’t care one way or the other about garter tosses, but you’re getting angry with people for doing exactly what you asked them to do. 

If what you wanted was reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with liking garter tosses, you should have just asked for that. Instead if “why I am the only one that doesn’t hate it?”a question that invites people to give you those reasons why they hate it, try “if you included a garter toss in your wedding, what fun thing does it symbolise to you?”

Post # 51
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
ladyspectrum :  Nobody is attacking you. You asked for peoples opinions and they gave them. You disagree with the consensus here. You can do a garter toss because you like it, and risk the possibility that it will make some of your guests feel uncomfortable. You could choose to forgo the garter toss to be on the safe side. Ultimately, it is your choice.

Post # 52
Member
1484 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

View original reply
ladyspectrum :  You literally invited people to make comments about the tradition in your original post.

Here: I don’t know why people don’t like the garter and bouquet tosses. It seems like everyone on here and every wedding podcast I listen to universally hate it

AND here: Why am I the only one who doesn’t hate it?

You got some good advice about the logistics behind the garter toss in your dress from misslucy… put it around your calf in the bathroom a few minutes before.

I believe this thread has run its course as you have gotten some good advice but will not get the support you’re looking for in incorporating this tradition into your wedding and it will only upset you.

Post # 53
Member
13244 posts
Honey Beekeeper

“People in real life on the other hand are fine with it and don’t find it awkward or uncomfortable.”

You only know what people tell you to your face. If someone I knew in real life was excited about doing this I wouldn’t tell her how I felt unless specifically asked for my opinion. That would be rude. 

Post # 54
Member
4180 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
ladyspectrum :  unfortunately, the pressure is there no matter what you do as the bride. Making the rude guests stop will just make the single people even more uncomfortable.

Firmly standing my ground just invited more ridicule and pressure. And I didn’t throw a fit as that would (a) not be nice to do to the couple and (b) would just make the embarrassment that much worse. 

I know you don’t feel uncomfortable with this tradition, but it upsets a lot of guests. Personally, I think a good hostess should skip things that make people uncomfortable even if they don’t get it themselves. 

Post # 55
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
ladyspectrum :  No one is trying to convince you of anything. You asked why people don’t like the tradition, and people are responding directly. 

I personally feel very uncomfortable with garter and bouquet tosses. However, you’d never know it, because it’s not like I object while standing on a box in the middle of the dance floor, you know? I stand there politely and take the interruption to the evening in stride, because it’s not my wedding and not my call. I feel like most people do the same thing. They’re not big fans, but they’re not going to be disruptive. 

I’ve “pitched a fit” in my own way about not wanting to participate in the bouquet toss several times, and that kind of thing is why the majority of my family thinks I’m an obnoxious feminist and far too opinionated. Oh well. 

Post # 56
Hostess
2535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m going to be closing this now since it seems to be deteriorating pretty quick.

The topic ‘garter toss in a mermaid dress?’ is closed to new replies.

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