Post # 1
So I have only known about a bouquet toss before never a garter toss. I recently went to a wedding with my SO and his family because it was a cousins wedding. MY SO caught the garter I did not catch the bouquet. A girl who was underage caught the garter so they picked a freshly single Bridesmaid or Best Man to do it. Why they would do that when he is in a long term relationship baffles me and I think it is ridiculously rude and disrespectful to me. They then have them go up there and my SO was putting the garter on this girl. I was in disbelief and complete shock. I was so embarrassed as well. It is one thing if the girl caught the bouquet but she didn’t. They chose her to go up there after the girl was underage which defeats the purpose of the whole thing it isn’t supposed to be the garter catcher and a random girl. I’m furious in his sight that I had to sit there and watch it and it was incredibly rude for them to know he has a long term girlfriend and to pick a random and freshly single girl at that. Also they said every inch above the knee means a longer and happier marriage. So my SO went really far up and I heard the DJ say that’s at least 100 years there I was in shock honestly. He told me he only stopped when he did because she got scared and moved her leg. He says now that it was just a joke, but i don’t know and it is not funny at all. So he would have gone higher if he could. Not only this, but he has cheated on me in the past and to have to watch this happen honestly feels like I’m reliving it. He could have said no I need my SO to be here or I’m not doing it or passed it off to a single guy since they already passed the bouquet off. He didn’t he went through with it and went= far up. I didn’t think anything when he got the garter it was thrown right to him I never knew of putting it back on whoever catches the bouquet. I’m so disgusted with him and with the decision to even have the toss as well as for picking a bridesmaid to do it. Why can’t you catch it and that be it. This honestly hurt me and it may be funny for the other people, but with everything I’ve gone through with cheating before it hurts a lot and I keep replaying it in my head.Maybe I’m overreacting but he literally had his hand between her leg and didn’t even have the decency to stop low he went high up. I’m appalled and disgusted. I’ve talked to him and he didn’t see the big deal about it at first becaus ehe said he had to do it because of the superstitiona nd wants them to have a long happy marriage. What would you think/do in this situation and what is your experience with SO placing a garter high up on another girl?
EDIT: He has apologized for it and said he understands he messed up. He should have said no and passed it off. We talked and cried about it last night for a few hours. He said he doesn’t know how to fix it since he can’t go back in time to change it and if he could he would. If people have similar experiences/advice I’d love to hear about it
Post # 2
You are blaming everyone else more than your boyfriend and really your boyfriend is the only one at fault here.
This would be a non issue in most relationships, the problem isn’t the garter it is the fact that your boyfriend has shown repeatedly that he doesn’t respect you.
Post # 3
This is a gross tradition that I haven’t seen in at least a decade. Your boyfriend made his choices–he’s the only person deserving of your anger. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal, or seem concerned that you are upset, that tells you a lot about him and about your relationship.
Post # 4
Agree with PPs. No one except your SO is at fault here. Sounds like it’s time to re-evaluate this relationship.
Post # 5
While garter tosses are gross. This is on your SO. No one else.
My husband would have laughed and said “sorry, I’m not doing that.”
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Yup. Rethink this relationship. There is a lot of damage here that hasn’t been dealt with, and a garter toss is the least of your problems in this relationship.
Post # 7
Wow- even when people still do the garter toss nowadays I’ve NEVER seen anyone have to then put it on the person who caught the bouquet. Super gross. I agree with prior posters that there are much bigger issues in your relationship than this.
Post # 8
Wait. What? Here the tradition is that they the room slides the garter off with his teeth from the bride under her dress. Then he throws it and then one guy catches it. That’s it. This has been in every wedding I’ve ever been to in my life. I never knew there was a continuation for this.
That being said, seems like a ridiculous tradition but I don’t think there was really an intention of any harm. It seems like you have a lot of insecirities and issues in your relationship that causes this reaction. For many couples this would not be a big deal.
Post # 9
The garter toss is not your problem.
You having a shitty relationship with a guy you don’t trust and wanting to blame it on every one but him for being a shitty guy and you for accepting it is the problem.
Want better for yourself.
Post # 10
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
I’ve never seen this tradition either, it’s nasty! Agreed with the PPs, your partner is the one at fault here, he could really easily have said no.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA
Yeesh. I was in a similar situation at my friend’s wedding 2 years ago – only I was the one who caught the bouquet. The groom’s brother who caught the garter. I didn’t know what was going on until they were all telling me to go up front. I thought catching the things was the end of it. But they all told me to go upfront and when he asked who caught the bouquet, he looked at me, then looked at my fiance, then boyfriend, and laughed and said, “haha Sorry bro.” That was when I was like, “Hold up.. what is about to happen?” I tried to give the bouquet away to someone else who was single but no one would take it. They told me to just go up there and sit in a chair. So I did… because by now the entire group of reception guests are staring at me… Then the DJ said, he had to put the garter on me.. So I just held out my arm. I was like “You are NOT putting that on my leg.”
I thought that was the end of it, but then they started playing some R&B song and he got right in front of me – his D was in my face practically – and started trying to give me some weird lapdance. I swerved as fast as I could and sat down back at my table. I left him up there right in front of everyone.. That was GROSS & I was openly uncomfortable. My fiance got pissed and had to excuse himself.
I’m NOT doing that at my wedding. lol Needless to say.
ETA: Your boyfriend is the one who screwed up there. It’s a gross “tradition” but it should not have been so eagerly accepted on his behalf. Ew. I’d end my relationship if that happened to me. Period.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
If this is a social norm where you live, you should move, cause that shit is rapey AF.
Your SO DECIDED to participate in this nonsense. If the expectation is that whoever catches the garter (which is ALREADY a revolting “tradition”) is supposed to SLIDE IT UP THE LEG OF THE GIRL WHO CATCHES THE BOUQUET, he could have just politely declined to participate. It’s not mandatory, after all.
The fact they had to change the person onto whom the garter was being slid means EVEN THEY KNOW IT’S A SKETCHY AND GROSS THING TO DO TO SOMEONE. Those people are nast.
All that said, your SO is an asshat. He’s cheated on you and acted like a disgusting lech in front of a crowd of people, then completely ignored the fact this upset you.
If you don’t find this behavior completely intolerable and dump his ass, it’s just going to continue.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
You seem to haver a lot of issues with your boyfriend outside of what happened here. I think you should focus on those issues. You shouldnt stay with a partner who has cheated if something liek this makes you ‘relive’ what happened. You’ve either forgiven your partner for what happened or you haven’t. If you haven’t you need to move on.
My fiance cheated on me many years ago. However, if this exact situation happened to us, I would not give a single flying f***. I trust and love my partner and something silly like this isn’t going to break our love or our trust for one another.