(Closed) Gave gift- no thank you?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If I were personally in that situation, I might call them up just to “see how married life is going” and then subtly mention the gift I got them.  Or you could just tell them the truth, that you just wanted to make sure they received it.

Post # 4
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Well it sounds like you understand it may be that she just didn’t take the time to send a thank-you letter/email or call and that you’re ok with that(not much you can do if thats the case), and that you are genuinlly concerned she didn’t recieve the package.

First things first. Did you check the tracking on the package-see if it was signed for and delivered to the proper destination? That should be the first thing to check if it hasn’t been done.

If it was shipped USPS or a way you can’t track the order, here’s what I’d do: Call the couple to check in on how their new married life is/honey moon went etc. and apologize again that you weren’t able to make it. Maybe phrase it something like this, “Sorry again we weren’t able to attend, did our gift make it to you okay?!”  She may say umm I’m sorry what was it again(as she prolly recieved alot) or may say “didn’t you get my thank you card.” She’ll say something to confirm if she got it or not. You can even approach it like “Hey how was the honey moon, sorry again we couldn’t make it. How’s that coffeemaker(example) treating ya?”

It’s not rude to see if the gift made it there okay. It’s a good thing to check on. Don’t mention you didn’t get a thank you…just ask if she got it..thats the important thing.

 

Hope this helps!

Post # 5
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I wrote a note to a friend who didn’t give me a TYN–emailed her and after niceties just said point-blank, “I never heard about the XYZ I gave you. I’m really not fishing for a thank-you note (really!); I want to make sure that you got them because otherwise, Bed, Bath, and Beyond have some ‘splainin to do.”

She didnt’ take offense, seemed grateful that I brought it up, and as it turned out, BBB sent the gift, but it didnt’ have a note.

WHen I think about it, I’d prefer for a guest to tell me if they didn’t receive a thank-you note–I wouldn’t be offended at all. Possibly embarrassed, but maybe I’d get a chance to explain myself. Besides, what would I do with all that stationery anyway?

Post # 6
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Yeah, I’d ask her about it. I recently went to a friends baby’s baptism and left a gift – turns out she didn’t know it was from me cos the card fell off. These kind of things happen all the time so I’d just check with her – she’s probably freaking out about who the mystery gift is from!

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would call to chat and ask if they had any problems with their C&B registry, and explain what happened with yours – it’s more subtle than being like, “we got you a gift. did you get it?” and might clue them in that they need to write their thank yous!

Post # 8
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you have to bend over backwards to look like you aren’t asking about the thank you note. Not writing one is extremely rude-and impractical for this very reason. Either there WAS a problem with the gift and this will help you correct it or she did not write a note. Just call and say, I had not heard from you, I wanted to make sure you got your gift.

Post # 9
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would say, “Hey I just wanted to make sure you received XYZ from us?”  Then you’re calling her out on being rude and not sending a thank you card but in a nice way (I’m currently dealing with this except the gift we gave was at a shower so I know she got it, so I can’t nicely call her out lol) and you also sound concerned when asking this way. lol  good luck!

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I personally think it’s kind of obnoxious to do that personally. I know somethimes things happen like the gift arrives with no note or never ships or ships incorrectly but the chances of that happening are so small, if I were you I would assume they got it and leave it at that.

Post # 11
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It’s not about “calling her out” The gift was not personally carried into the reception by maureen9004 and placed on the gift table. She expressed she just wanted to see if she got it. I would want to make sure it got there because if it didn’t get to the destination, A. I would want to find out where it did go as that is just going to be money tossed out the window if she didn’t get it. B I wouldn’t want the bride and groom to think I just blew them off and didn’t get anything. C. You can contact the company and have another one sent.

If she did get it and it was just an oversight-OH WELL! Thats great she got it and you can move on. She’ll simply reply”yes we love it” then all you have to say is “Great to hear. I just never heard anything from Bed Bath & Beyond(example) and if it made it”  If she says “sorry i didnt get to the thank you’s just yet” just reply with ” Oh that’s fine, I’m not concerned about that, just want to make sure it got there alright.” It’s not obnoxious..it’s completely fine to see if the gift made it there okay if you were not able to physically bring the gift yourself.

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We had a relative who had sent us two sets of wine glasses – one intended as a shower gift and one a wedding gift – but somehow they arrived on the same day so we didn’t know the difference.  She sent me a little note after the wedding congratulating us on the big day  and asking if we had received both sets (since my thank you note didn’t distinquish the number, just what it was).  I was glad that she asked and that I was able to 1) ease her worries and 2) properly thank her. 

It really wasn’t a big deal at all and as the bride it didn’t make me “called out”.  You spent your money and made a nice gesture, you can absolutely make sure your gift was received.  Think of it this way, if she hasn’t gotten it and you find out there was a mistake, how happy will she be knowing it’s coming?  Does that make sense?  And if she did get it and just hasn’t sent thank you notes, well maybe it’s good that you are gently reminding her that there are people behind those gifts who might be worried too! 

Post # 13
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you’re close enough, I would definitely ask if the couple received the gift.  This happened to my parents last year.  Our family was invited to my mother’s friend’s daughter’s wedding (say that three times fast!).  I went to school with the bride, but wasn’t exactly friends with her.  Anyway, my parents never received a thank you for the money they gave.  My Mom thought that maybe they were offended that we didn’t give enough.  I tend to think that something got lost in the shuffle, or maybe the groom was in charge of half of the invitations, and hasn’t gotten around to them yet (not to judge the groom, I just know I have to write my FIs thank you notes now…so I know I’ll be writing all of our notes by myself).

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