Gay weddings, conservative friends, and bridesmaids…

posted 11 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 62
Member
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

Why is her newborn baby excuse so unbelievable? Attending a wedding with a newborn can be really, really difficult and physically draining. It sure was for my friend who had a 3 month old during mine. 

Is it because Mary is identified as a conservative and religious person that makes it so easy for people here to question her every motive and make assumptions that she’s a bigot or otherwise horrible person? How is that not bigotry as well? 

It IS possible for Mary to be religious, conservative, and actually be supportive of her LGBTQ friend as well. It sucks that her friend’s family was not supportive of her, but that doesn’t mean that Mary is the same way.

Even the OP stated they had been friends for a long time, and that it wasn’t a surprise when their friend came out publicly. Sounds like Mary had YEARS to dissolve the friendship if it was that big of a deal breaker for her. 

In any case, the OP should not have gotten involved at all. This has certainly blown up into something far bigger than it needed to, and will likely end the supposedly close relationships they  had. I know I would walk away from people who would accuse me of these horrible things. 

Post # 63
Member
7215 posts
Busy Beekeeper

steny03 :  op says Mary has confided in her with negative lgbtq views. So yeah, no assumptions that she’s a bigot when she’s already admitted it. 

Post # 64
Member
4778 posts
Honey bee

All I’m getting from this thread is that some people think it’s ok to hate on and ascribe ulterior motives to a friend of many years simply because they’re religious and you’re now a member of the gay community.

Not cool. Not cool at all. 

Post # 65
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee

At this point, I’d say you, Beth and Sally need to find other friends and leave Mary alone.  That way you and Beth can support Sally and not worry about Mary.  And, Mary can find friends who support her as she navigates the end of her pregnancy and into motherhood.

 

Post # 66
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee

jellybellynelly :  I missed this part. Where did OP say that? She said in the first post Mary has always been supportive of Sally’s relationship  

Post # 69
Member
698 posts
Busy bee

bizzybee0620 :  a new relationship of 8 months, and the first coming out relationship for both women, guarantees some huge brain-chemicals happening, with all their attendant emotional swings. 

In short, both Sally and Mariah are on “drugs.” the equivalent of opioids. 

Mary is, as well, extremely hormonal. 

I can see why Sally and Mariah are scrutinizing their community for any possible signs of rejection or lack of support, as it’s an extremely vulnerable time. AND – they’re barking up the wrong tree with Mary, who took no actions except for those of support, if your post is listing all Mary’s actions from the time Sally came out. 

If I were Sally’s close friend, I’d be seriously concerned about the speed of this marriage, and I’d be standing ready to support her in the next two years, as the chemicals will fade by two years at most, and then Sally will have a time of finding out whether she and Mariah are truly able to work without chemicals dictating their attachment. 

I truly hope Mary and Sally can work things out, but I think all their friends can do is stay calm and not add to any hearsay, stories or speculation. Just be a calming presence and hold your friends through the huge changes in their lives… 

Mary will be very busy with a new baby anyway – maybe some natural distancing will occur. 

For those who said people are ignoring Mary’s homophobic views – I didn’t read any homophobic views. We can have a faith and a community to practice it with, and at the same time, we can believe that “the greatest of these is love,” and people should 100% be supported to marry those whom they love, and that one single (**mistranslated**) stupid bible verse isn’t real or true. Just because we go to a place of worship does *not* mean we are in any way homophobic. There are enough people out there threatening and harming the LGBTQ community- I get that it would be hard to trust, it might be easier to look for enemies so one could protect one’s heart from harm, but believing people accept and support until they prove otherwise is a better recipe for a good life. (And I am NOT talking about when one is alone walking late at night or whatever. I know how traumatized the community is.) But come on, Mary never said anything but support! Support for Sally and happiness for her does not = homophobia. 

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