(Closed) Gender Disappointment

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 91
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I am not and have not been pregnant before but I do really hope I get a boy first, only because Fiance would be over the moon to have a son. I don’t care either way, so I hope for a boy for him when the time comes :). Though my new niece makes me reaaaallllyyy like all the pink and frilly things, plus I have a ton of girl names I love. Still, I could see being a tiny bit disappointed if I had a girl first.

Post # 92
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wanted a girl first and Darling Husband really wanted a boy (so much so that everyone says he’s only going to have girls). I wanted him to be excited about our child, so started hoping it was a boy for him. Lo and behold, the doc pulls out the baby and announces “it’s a girl!” It took about 1/2 second for him to be absolutely smitten with her. She’s only 11 weeks old and is such a daddy’s girl already and he is completely wrapped around her chubby little fingers.

Post # 93
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee

SO and I were walking through Babies R’ Us recently to buy a gift for a friend of mine, and he casually pointed out that i was gravitating more towards the girls clothing and picking it all up going “OMGAHHH look how cute!”. I hadn’t every really thought of it, but it did make me think I’d want a girl slightly more.

I’d like to be Team Green, though. There’s something very special to me about it being this big surprise.

Maybe it’s my opposite reaction to the gender reveal parties, which I loathe. Unless you’re revealing to me that you’re birthing a puppy, I don’t really see the point.

Post # 94
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is sort of a weird situation for me- I am 19 w & finding out sex next week (!!), I would like for it to be a girl because on DH’s side there is two boys and one on the way, so I’d like go finally introduce a girl into the family! I feel scared that my family will be disappointed if it’s a boy becasue everyone wants a girl and everyone keeps saying they feel like I’m having a girl, but I feel very strongly I’m having a boy! 

I think I would rather have a boy to start with, personally, and I enjoy boy clothes better… But on the other hand I really would like to finally bring a girl into the family. Everyone would be so excited. So hard! But one way or another, its going to be a happy occasion & I’ll take it! I am so lucky and thankful to have made it this far, I cant be too upset. 

I think family members experience this as well. As mentioned, SIL is having another boy in January, that will make 3 boys in my IL’s family. We all thought it was going to be girl & were so excited & then when blue smoke came out there was a little bit of disappointment, as bad as that sounds. I know they will feel that way if its a boy for me, but thats okay. 

Post # 95
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

MrsMeowton :  if you read up on gender disappointment, that is often why people are disappointed.  They feel like they can’t form connections with people of the gender they don’t want.  My relationship with members of my family with my baby’s sex kind of suck, or at least not as strong as I want.   My biggest concern is that it is an issue with me and not them, and that relationship problems will be repeated with my child.  It has very little to do with pink vs blue.  A lot of the things I always dreamed of doing with a child are more “expected” with my child’s sex than my preference. 

Also, sometimes gender disappointment stems from abuse, and even if you don’t know, your SIL could have that issue.  

Post # 96
Member
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Cote1590 :  I remember you from when I started TTC. Congratulations! I’m so thrilled for you! When I was pregnant with my almost 11 week old, I kept having dreams that it was a girl, but even with that, I didn’t strongly prefer one over the other, it was just a ” that could be awesome” kind of thought.  I started wondering what it would be like to have a daughter since my older children are both boys.

When I learned that he was a boy, I had a couple of minutes of feeling disappointed that I wouldn’t have those mother daughter moments, but then I realized how much I absolutely and wholeheartedly love raising boys and that all was exactly as it should be. 

Post # 97
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Fiance and I want 3 or 4 kids and want both girls and boys. I imagine I will be incredibly disappointed if all of our children are one gender. It stresses me out just thinking about it haha!

Post # 98
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Misswhowedding :  I completely and 100% understand where you are coming from and I agree with those sentiments completely, but in this case, you are giving my SIL a little too much credit haha. I do think you raised an incredibly good point–I’ve never considered how my relationships with my family members could sway how I felt towards one sex or the other. 

Post # 99
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Worried9887 :  That’s a good point but unfortunately in our society it only works one way round. It is very fashionable now to dress your daughter in a unisex way. I lose track of how many Facebook posts I see about raising a ‘fierce’ or ‘warrior’ daughter (as if a shy, overly feminine one is a bad thing FFS). Lego for girls is seen as great.

I don’t think buying a son lots of dolls would go down the same way somehow. Even a small frill or tiny bow on a plain white onesie would get you some very disapproving looks! And I have never seen a boy in a dress. Seen loads of girls in army pants and tops with trucks on.  

I think that’s why it’s particularly hard for girly mums with boys as all girl things are very looked down upon and have to be banished! A tomboy mum who has a girl can do all the stereotypical boy things with her girl. Dads who wanted a boy can still take their girls to football- people think it’s cute and amazing! A mum who wanted a girl cannot take her boys to get their nails done. It’s simply not the case vice versa.

Obviously there are lots of gender neutral activities both can do, like baking.

Post # 100
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My situation was a little different. We don’t have girls in our family, not often anyway and my husbands family, reaching back several generations usually only has one female per generation. I didn’t even let my mind wander to a girl I told myself I was having a boy. Gender ultrasound came and we found out it was a girl! My mother and I squealed in excitement & everyone else was over the moon too, because we all expected it to be a boy and we’re pleasantly surprised to find out it was a girl. So I did have preference I just never thought I would have her. 

Post # 101
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Of course healthy babies are what we want thats for sure and a given. After my first son i wanted a girl-one of each. When i found out it was another boy at first i was a little disappointed.But honestly they are the best of friends the perfect playmates and I too have a thing for sports, swords and frogs……

Post # 102
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

After a few years of infertility and 2 miscarriages, I had crushing gender disappointment. And I felt awful about it because you think you should be nothing but grateful for having a healthy baby. It’s like I was losing the baby I had envisioned in my head. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it — especially Darling Husband. Of course you get over and would never  want any other baby than the one you have after they’re born. It in the moment it can be heartbreaking.

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