(Closed) Gender disappointment: find out now or later?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I think back to my grandparents’ time when nobody knew the sex of the baby until the baby was born.  I have a lot of older female relatives with masculine names because their parents were disappointed and gave them the name they planned for their boy anyway.  I don’t think it would matter either way, you’re going to be disappointed but at least if you know ahead of time you can pump yourself up on the good aspects of being a parent to them even though you would have preferred a different gender.

With my baby sister we really really really wanted a boy.  Her grandpa had died within the last year and we had planned to name our newest family member Thomas after grandpa.  When we found out it was a girl we were all disappointed but we got over it pretty quickly and spent the rest of the pregnancy girly-ing it up and figuring out a feminine name for her.

Post # 4
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m not PG yet, but we are trying and I know tht we are both at risk of gender disappointment since I would like a girl and Darling Husband wants a boy. We have decided to wait til birth because we will just be so excited to have the baby at that point I am sure we will only car if LO is healthy!

Post # 5
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would think that the risk of gender disappointment would be far less when you find out the sex of your baby only seconds before you are holding your precious newborn in your arms. 

Post # 6
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

i think i would want to know early on… that way i won’t buy clothes/decorations and be even more disappointed to have to buy the ones of the opposite gender…. plus, you have time to adjust your expectations.

i can see being overwhelmed with love and relief at the time of delivery and therefore not being disappointed as well, though.

Post # 7
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I had gender disappointment twice. We found out both times in the ultrasound and im so happy we did! That way I grew to loving the idea of boys and going shopping for them, picking out names, etc., made me a lot more excited. I tried so hard to tell my self I wouldn’t be disappointed if it was not a girl but both times I was, so I’m not sure how my reaction would have been if we waited.




Post # 8
6823 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wanted a girl and thought for sure was having a girl. We found out at the US it was a boy. I was disappointed yes, but honestly the first time held my little boy it didn’t matter. He is such a joy and love playing trucks, dinosaurs with him.  He lights up the room when he smiles and laughs. 

Do I still want a girl sure, but honestly if I get pregnant again I am okay with having another boy. 

Post # 9
6116 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I personally would want to know before the baby was born. I don’t want anything to taint the birth of my child and being disappointed in the gender might do just that. Also, if you find out earlier what the gender is, you have time to “get over” the disappointment and (hopefully lol) grow to love the gender you are having. 

Post # 10
7386 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You should find out prior.

Post # 11
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Brielle:  +1

I think when you have your baby, whatever they say it is when it comes out and into your arms would overshine any disappointment you think you’ll have. 

Post # 12
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m disappointed this time.  I have two daughters and found out that this one (due August 5) is a boy.  I was just kind of like “oh”.  Everything has been all tutus and pink for years now, so it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around anything else.  I have no brothers either, so it’s really just been a girly girly world for me.  

I’m glad I know so I can prepare.  I’d hate to have found out on delivery day when there’s always so much else going on and you really just never know what to expect.  I’m hoping once he’s here I’ll adjust and all will be well.  

If only I didn’t hate all boy names…..

Post # 13
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We both wanted to find out prior to giving birth.  With that said, my Hubby & I really wanted a girl, but you know what?  When the Dr. told me it was a boy last week, I cried – tears of happiness.  I was just so happy that he was healthy, that nothing else mattered. 

Post # 14
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Please find out now if you think you might be disappointed.  My friend had her first baby and didn’t find out, and he was born they said, “It’s a boy!” and she said, “but I wanted a girl.”  She’s a really good mom, and loves her son everything, but that’s not how you want your child’s first minutes to go if you have an option of finding out ahead of time and not being disappointed when your child is born. 

Post # 15
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It depends. I come from a culture that highly values males and my biological father wished I was a boy pretty much every day I existed in his life, and in that scenario, I would just wait to find out because you don’t spend your entire pregnancy being disappointed.

However, if you and Darling Husband tend to get over things really quickly, I would just find out early on and get used to the idea of having the opposite gender. By picking out names and choosing little outfits, it should endear you to his/her gender.

Post # 16
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wanted a boy, but had a feeling I was having a girl.  We found out it was a girl and now I am just sooo thrilled thinking about all the fun things I can teach her, and imagining what she will look like.  I vote for before, whether you want one or the other, only because there is just something very comforting about knowing I have a little baby girl squirming in my belly. There are positives to both, so I think finding out sooner helps you grow into the thought of having your little boy or little girl.

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